Can’t Miss Random Pick… Party…

Let me explain something before we get into last weekend’s AFL action. I have an hour and twenty minutes before I head out on vacation, and – aside from wrapping up that mascot post – I’ve had to spend my day making sure the Bankingdrome wouldn’t collapse in my absence. I swear to God, I might come back to find everyone dead of forgetting to breathe. I’d celebrate for days. I’ve already made it abundantly clear that the only way I’ll take their calls or answer their e-mail is if I’m in some altered state, and then I’ll probably tell them to do something anatomically unlikely. But, because there’s something wrong with me, I’m still compelled to make sure everyone knows how to fax things for themselves and what number to call if their game of “Why are you hitting yourself?” turns tragic. Plus, making sure they have all their marketing materials is critical. These are the people who requested I print out the sum total of our marketing material for easy access. It was on the Internet, organized by category. It doesn’t get any more convenient than that. But, now we have a large black binder with out-of-date advertising flyers. So, there are piles of things for them to assemble. I hope they get papercuts and forget to clot.

That being said, Week 16, as I whistle the theme from The Great Escape:

Week 9 CMRP

Oh cruel fates, it would seem that today TC’s puppy-slaughtering duties for his Investment Banking Overlords has been outsourced to me; I am so buried in puppy hides to be billed and processed that I don’t even have the time to gaze longingly at the strip club across the street from my office.

Power Rankings and Pillow fights may be posted tonight should the evening schedule permit it, but as for right now I’ll simply state the Week 9 Can’t Miss Random Pick:

CHICAGO 72, PHILLY 56. TC and I will be in attendance at this Monday Night (Arena) Football match up where we will be able to bask in Bobby Sippio’s magnificence. Take the spread, Bon Jovi. You can sit and spin, bitch.

Preview for Monday Night (Arena) Football: Betting Odds

Unfortunately, I won’t be able to watch all of tonight’s match, already underway, of Philly at Columbus, and I suspect TC has been sent north to rural Wisconsin to find some fresh springtime mammals to slaughter upon the altar of Investment Banking Overlord Snacking. So instead, I’ll offer some wagers, which of course you won’t be able to place because the game is already 5 minutes in (no score).

1:1 Either Philly or Columbus wins

2:1 ESPN shows the clip of Graziani getting creamed a minimum of five times [UPDATE: They just showed it three times]

4:1 Either Jaws or Bon Jovi makes an obscene gesture after a questionable call

2:1 Someone reminds the viewers ‘there is no punting in arena football’ [UPDATE: Just happened]

5,000:1 One of the teams actually plays a little defense [UPDATE: Almost 10 minutes in and it is tied at 0]

10,000,000,000:1 Arena Football beats 24 in the ratings

10^100:1 After I turn off the television, someone on the planet will still be tuned in to ESPN2

This is What Happens When You Get a Link on Deadspin

What happens is that your small little Mom and Pop blog, [TC note: Who’s the mom? Do I have to be the mom?] which since its beginning was generally getting ten to twenty hits a day, gets almost 1,500 hits in four hours.

Thank you, Deadspin, for this little moment in the sun.

Now get ready for us to be totally awkward. We’re going to call you like twenty times a day, and when you don’t call us back, we’ll ask if we did something wrong. Two months down the road, you’ll totally be chilling with Ladies… and With Leather at the club, and we’ll stumble over to you, maybe throw a drink in your face, and tell everyone willing to listen that we’re too good for you, and then we’ll probably vomit on our shoes and fall asleep at the all-night Burger King down the street.

Fair warning. And now, back to business as usual. Which for TC, means finding adorable Disney-feature-worthy animals to slaughter for his Investment Banking (note: not really investment banking) Overlords, and for J Fizzle, doing whatever it is he does at his office while staring wistfully at the strip club across the street.

March Madness, heavy workload, laziness, and other excuses

Suffice it to say that in a week when the NIT is more important to the ESPN2 broadcasting schedule than our fav AFL action, it makes it a little harder to wake from the early-work-week/post-St.-Patrick’s-Day grogginess to post for our ever-faithful daily readers. Unless, of course, your name is “TC” and your only alternative to putting up a detailed and thoughtful AFL post is preparing fresh lamb’s blood for your Investment Banking Overlord’s afternoon suckle (note: actually Mortgage Banking Overlords, but it doesn’t sound as menacing).

So far as my analysis from this past weekend’s games, simply said – Dallas, Philly, Georgia = good; New York, Tampa Bay, and Arizona = bad.

Also, it would appear that my decision to put $20 on Steve Nash and the Phoenix Suns winning the NCAA tourney over Georgetown is only slightly more ill-advised than Jaws picking the Philadelphia Soul to win over Georgia Tech, or wearing a t-shirt with a suit coat for a bio photo.

No, we have not forgotten about our obligation to live-blog a game that took place over a week ago (read: I am lazy) but we assure you they will be up long after they are relevant (read: pretty much anything past 24 hours after the game). Once again I am called by my mystery career, but I’ve taken a look at the dashboard for It’s Still Football and it looks as though TC is cooking up something delicious for you.

Delicious like lamb’s blood, fit only for the finest of Finance Overlords.

Week 2 recap

TC escaped from his Investment Banking Overlords (note: they’re not technically Investment Banking Overlords, they’re more like Loan Agent Overlords, but the former sounds somuch better) long enough to watch an exciting match-up between the LA Avengers and the Orlando Predators, which included

1. Overtime play
2. A fumble that lasted approx. six hours 
3. Angry Pudgy Other-Gruden

And, as promised, a live-blog shall be presented long after it is pertinent, but because TC is slaving over a puppy-snack-prep table, and J Fizzle is busy doing whatever the hell it is he does at his 9-5, we instead will leave you with the following cartoon gleaned from the Internets, because we rounded out a pretty fantastic evening of rockin’ guitars, from the intro AFL broadcast video, all the way to playing Trogdor on Guitar Hero II.

Preview for Monday Night (Arena) Football

Yes, that’s right: ESPN is calling their coverage of AFL games that happen after the standard work day on Mondays ‘Monday Night Football’, the biggest issue being that with the hoopla of Stupid Ben Franklin’s Daylight Savings Time Pain in the Ass, this game is, in reality, taking place Monday morning.

TC has been more or less incommunicado today, making it difficult for us to arrange what will hopefully become a regular standing appointment of drinking beer, playing TC’s copy of AF:RTG, and perhaps actually watching and live-blogging (for later-week posting) the game. I’m not sure exactly where he is, but I suspect since he isn’t answering his email he is out in the field scouting fresh puppies for the afternoon feeding of his Investment Banking Overlords, which may or may not roll over into the Evening Investment Banker Hooker Patrol, so for tonight’s match-up I may be sadly on my own.

Since I am up to my ass in filing duties, I’ll do the per-usual lazy-ass link to a page on ESPN where someone that actually knows about Arena Football was paid to write something about it. In summary:

1. The Los Angeles Avengers and Orlando Predators are both good at scoring.
2. Orlando has the edge on defense.
3. Point #1 does not necessarily refer to sex.
4. The team logos match their names acceptably well, but not that well.
5. In Arena Football, giving up “only 289 yards” passing is good (Orlando last week), which means a game is a success if the other team scores five touchdowns and a field goal.
6. Maybe Art Shell would make a great AFL coach (see #5).

So, it looks as though Orlando has the edge tonight, but Los Angeles’ uniforms actually look kinda cool. It’s a toss up. Check back for the live-blog sometime after it would be appropriate to call it as such. TC may or may not weigh in on this game, depending on the ready availability of adorable, delicious puppies.