Briefly: Rush vs. Slaughter? (or: “Steve McMichael, Friggin’ Genius?”)

21 02 2010

Allow me to quote directly (and completely) from Dave Kaplan and Fred Mitchell’s Around Town column in the Chicago Tribune today:

Steve McMichael, coach of the Indoor Football League Slaughter, has issued a dare to the Rush of the new Arena Football League.

“I want to challenge them to a game or a scrimmage,” McMichael said Friday during a news conference to announce that former Bears quarterback Jim McMahon is among the team’s new owners. “I think it would be great for Chicago. I know (one of) their owners, Mike Ditka, (whose favorite charities are) Misericordia, the Walter and Connie Payton Foundation … the money can go to that.”

When was Steve McMichael granted the wisdom of Solomon? I always thought he was recommending cleaving infants in two because he was bughouse crazy. But perhaps he was… crazy as like unto a fox? On the other hand, if the infant AFL wants to keep the IFL as a satellite, AAA league, the Rush had better only accept this game if they think they can win.

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$6.1 Million Had Better Buy You the URL

18 02 2010

Good morning, Arena Football fan(s?)!

As of Tuesday, www.arenafootball.com was still like Colonial Williamsburg, if everyone who was paid to dress up like Goody Witch-hunter and Goodman Wimple decided “fuck it, let’s go get a beer and a Nissan Versa” and never returned. “Ah,” one might say, visiting this well-preserved ghost town, “so this is how Arena Football lived when Vesuvius exploded.” You had to go to something stupid like http://www.arenafootballone.com to fail to follow what on earth was going on with the clumsy, fawn-like stumbling of the new league. Yesterday, however, ARENA FOOTBALL DOT COM RETURNETH! With a snazzy graphic! They can hire graphic designers! You can even, if you are so inclined, play the game “Which of these teams were conceived in the last 3 months, last several years, or the Bronze Age?” (Hey, Rattlers, your logo just broke its hip falling down in the shower.)

STEALING IMAGES AGAIN: WE ARE OFFICIALLY "BACK!" (Note: not actually Back)

Stealing Graphics again! It's like we never stopped blogging!

You would also do well to note the partnership with the NFL Network, as well as the fact that the design of the Tulsa Talons looks like it has a dorsal fin, which can only mean: EAGLESHARK.





IT LIVES (Bon Jovi-less, and Distinctly Lacking Grudens)

16 02 2010

Perhaps you’ve noticed a subtle buzz around the water cooler; there’s a spring in your step, the source of which you can’t quite identify. The sun shines a little brighter, and strangers smile at each other in the street.

This is probably because olympic curling starts today in Vancouver.

Also, hey: the AFL is back! We don’t even have to call it Arena Football One (1) anymore! According to sources (a profootballtalk.com post forwarded to us at least twice), the old nomenclature was used on a conference call from the league. WOOOO. AIN’T NOTHIN’ STOPPING US NOW!

Albany, not part of the league, don't worry

Rising! Like a phoenix! Or a Firebird! Whatever!

We were going to wait until this clusterfuckery ended, and there were some actual games to be played, or data to be massaged, or characters to be assassinated, but whatever. There was a conference call! Kosar and Ditka are back! It’s a war! Indoors! On the floor! Petit four! Esprit de corps!

Who’s involved?

South Division: Alabama (Huntsville – space camp!) Vipers, Jacksonville Sharks (Al Pacino-coached), Orlando Predators (Now with Zero Grudens),  Tampa Bay Storm (Brett Dietz!)

Southwest Division: Bossier-Shreveport (LA) Battle Wings (served with a side of bleu cheese dressing), Dallas Vigilantes (Dr. Dolezel bought the name Desperado for his own perpetual use, thank you), Oklahoma City Yard Dogz (I will never use this name), Tulsa Talons (formerly the Pittsburgh Phlanges)

Midwest Division: Chicago Rush (Wooo! We’re getting the band back together!), Cleveland Gladiators (Wooo? We’re getting the band back together?), Iowa Barnstormers (Look, it’s not like Kurt Warner’s doing anything), Milwaukee Iron (Wooo. We’re getting the band back “together.” With Ringo’s kid playing the drums.)

West Division: Arizona Rattlers (I wonder if the money-back guarantee’s still good), Spokane Shock (more like shocked to find themselves in Spokane, am I right? Oh, let’s just get through this), Utah Blaze (who are currently holding open tryouts, and that’s really the only news of use on arenafootballone.com)

Conspicuous by their absence: Jaws/Bon Jovi-owned Philadelphia Soul, only the current Arena Bowl Champions; Grudens; ESPN (Hooray? The NFL Network?); San Jose Sabercats and ol’ LazerQBVision; actual useful data.

On the other hand: football games, starting April 10. -ish.