Our Damn Rankings, Can’t Miss Random Pick, and Pillowfights – Week 3

21 03 2008

Is Joe in this well?

Has Joe fallen in here? My excuse? Would you believe I was drugged by attractive women, who wanted to have their way with me? Stockholm Syndrome is a bitch, guys.

Joe’s trapped under something heavy, so I’m making the rankings happen. It’s not my shtick to make fun of Grampa Gary, so I’m going to make my own rankings, and bring back the haikus. If you’re curious what Gary thinks, his rankings are here. not happening this week? What’s going on here? Whatever, fuck it. Also, Philly beat LA last week. We’ll take that into account. Why not?

After the jump: random decisions.

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Power Rankings, Week 1: Can you say ‘Rohan Davey’?

5 03 2008


New York, welcome back your second-string QB.

Has it really been six months since I’ve peer-reviewed Grampa Gary Horton’s AFL Power Rankings, and supplemented that with a Can’t Miss Random Pick and a Weekend Pillow Fight? Poke Gramps with a stick and give him a scotch, it’s story time! Read the rest of this entry »

Week 17: Yes, the regular season is over

22 06 2007

PeytOWNEDWow. This is it. This is the end of the regular 2007 season of the AFL.

We’ve had laughter. We’ve had tears.

I’d go more in depth at the present moment, but (not to bitch about non-AFL trivialities such as work) I need to seriously get back to work – two nights with an extra four hours at the office, any my boss just totally caught me in the act of starting this draft. Sorry, Boss. At least I’m not across the street at the strip club [Ed. note for new readers: there is a strip club across the street from my office. I can see it from the window. Sometimes when I leave work late, there are women in minivans co-opting our parking lot like vagrants in an ATM vestibule, scowling, waiting for some poor dumb putz to wander out in a lusty-seedy haze to get slapped with a palm and divorce papers. It’s fantastic. Fantastically depressing].

Before we jump into it, note that there are four teams that could get two playoff spots this week, and the various scenarios are batshit insane. By the way, I never thought I’d write this, but if Columbus wins their final game, they will clinch a spot in the playoffs. Amazing.

LAST-EVER REGULAR SEASON CMRP: Tampa Bay and Austin. Do you think I’ll go with Team Brett Dietz? Does the Pope shit in the woods? Tampa Bay 72, Austin 45. CMRP hopes to finish the season with a playoff-worthy record of 9-6.

WEEKEND PILLOW FIGHT: Nashville and Grand Rapids. Should be a piece of cake for the Kats to win and clinch a playoff berth, right? Sure, except that last week Nashville QB Jeff Pole Smoker was benched after missing team meetings. Let’s hope Jeff pulls his head out of his ass and gets the W for Nashville, because we’d love to have a few more weeks to call Jeff Pole Smoker “Jeff Pole Smoker”.

Lastly, as an apology for missing my promised weekend coverage and in anticipation of not being able to deliver this weekend (Lumberg’s gonna make me work this weekend, I can feel it), please enjoy this picture of Peyton Manning looking delightfully uncomfortable with having his photo taken with an underaged member of the opposite sex.


The ESPN Schedule Monkey does its worst

18 06 2007

The ESPN Schedule Monkey

If you were hoping to catch ESPN2’s live coverage of the Chicago Rush at the Colorado Crush tonight (the now-meaningless C/Rush Bowl, as both teams were already in the playoffs), the Scheduling Monkey that runs ESPN2-4 decided that you were going to watch the NCAA World Series, fuck you very much. Actually, from ESPN’s standpoint it makes perfect sense. The NCAA Softball tournament (get ’em next year, Wildcats!) drew close to 1.7 million viewers for the final showdown between Arizona and Tennessee, whereas the AFL has been struggling to get its weekly ESPN viewership into the seven figure range. If you were willing to stay up, though, you could watch the game in its entirety on tape delay. Or in real time on ESPN 360, but seriously, nuts to ESPN 360.

Me, I turned on the tube at about 9:15, saw NCAA baseball instead of my required 2 minutes of Bobby Sippio, and figured that was as good an excuse as any to get out and have a few beers with some friends.

Oh, by the way: CMRP: I freely admit I have a man-crush on Brett Dietz. Tampa Bay 65,  Grand Rapids 45. [Update: I was right!]

Weekend Pillow Fight:  Wee, two terrible teams: Las Vegas at Los Angeles. [Update: easy win for LA, not the worst game of the weekend]

Week 15 Power Rankings, CMRP, and Weekend Pillow Fight (with beer)

8 06 2007

In the interest of brevity, we’ll just get right to it. Especially because quitting time is in 29 minutes and damn if I’m sticking around here any longer than necessary. This week’s Beer-Themed Power Rankings are brought to you by Alcoholism, right after the jump: Read the rest of this entry »

Week 14 CMRP + Weekend Pillow Fight

1 06 2007

UPDATE: TC’s canuck-inspired post is way funnier than this, so I’ll put a break right at the top so you can still see his. Oh, we loves us our Shaun King! Read the rest of this entry »

Week 13 Power Rankings, CMRP, and Weekend Pillow Fight

25 05 2007

Once again, it is time for your ISF team to break down the weekly power rankings from Scouts, Inc. and insert our bold-faced wit and wisdom; also we’ll lay out the Pillow Fight of the Week, and see if Randomness can prevail and get back to a .500 record, all after the jump:

(Ed. note: prior to the jump we will completely ignore the fact we totally jinxed “American Idol” and ruined someone’s life who’s only crime was having a non-sanctioned fan site that commented on an AFL blog) 

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