ArenaBowl XXII Craptacular Bracket Update: American Reseeding!

1 07 2008


Grand Rapids won, they’re now scheduled to lose to Chicago next week!

Updated bracket will post as soon as my pre-dental school lecture is over!


BREAKING: Sam Keller signs with Los Angeles Avengers

5 06 2008

Nick Lachey\'s new bro?

OK, maybe it isn’t breaking, but kiss my (disappearing on a detox) ass as I’ve been in meetings all blessed week. Sam Keller, who briefly practiced with the Tampa Bay Buccaneer Quarterback Emporium, signed a three-year contract with the Los Angeles Avengers, thus filling the surprising void of dark-haired muscled collegiate athletes in the greater LA area.

When contacted for comment, current QB Sonny Cumbie sprained his wrist picking up the telephone.

Week 9 Power Rankings, CMRP, and Pillow Fight: OH CRAP moving really blows edition

2 05 2008




Since my ride is picking me up shortly and I have 10 minutes’ worth of internetz access, we’ll forget Grampa Gary this week and just summarize the week thusly:

THE GOOD: Philly, Chicago, New Orleans

THE BAD: Cleveland, Georgia

THE UGLY: Kansas City, Utah, your mom

CMRP: New Orleans over Georgia. Tasty!



TC may have something cooking for you kiddies – have a great weekend, enjoy the games, and when in the infield at the Derby, always help strangers saran-wrap their friends to portable toilets.

Philly wins in blowout; VooDoo woo NY Times?

29 04 2008

Dear God, grant us the strength to hold this pose for the NY Times photographer.

For anyone interested, the New York Times (“All the News That’s Fit To Print Online Which Technically Isn’t Printing But We Use the Word in the Sense of ‘Publishing’ but Hell if We Change Our Motto”) website is running a front page, above the ‘fold’ (“All the News ah Eff It You Get the Joke”) story about Danny Wimprine and the surging New Orleans VooDoo. Central thesis: Danny Wimprine is a really nice guy (like other AFL QBs we know and love), New York doesn’t have an arena football team so far as they know, New Orleans is still rebuilding (who knew?).

Also, last night’s Game of Unbeatens wasn’t nearly as close as we thought it might be, Philly laid down the smack, beating Dallas 57-28.

Dallas Desperadoes owner Jerry Jones was reached for comment:

Joooooooooooooon [Bon Jovi]!

The IRONY: Arizona “Get Your Season Ticket Money Back” Watch update

31 03 2008

Arizona Rattlers, do you recognize this man?

He’s a guy that goes by the name of Bonner. Sherdrick Bonner. He likes his Red Hots with mustard, pickles, and tomatoes, not on a tortilla with refried beans, and dropped you to 2-3 Friday night.

Arizona fans, you’re six losses away from getting your season ticket money refunded.

Enjoy Jeff Smoker and upcoming games against Tampa Bay (Dietz!Dietz!Dietz!), New Orleans (4 game winning streak!), and Dallas (punky backup QB to be replaced by The Doctor) to get you on your way!

Arena Bowl XXI tickets!

13 06 2007

Not actually a crowd of Arena Football fans

You can’t have any!

If you had planned on heading down to the Big Easy for Arena Bowl XXI (Official Motto: Holy Shit, We’ve Been Doing This For 21 Years?), the game is sold out, the first-ever for a neutral-site (AFL) championship game.

If you had your heart set on attending, it’s time to get your ass on the Ebays. I think TC and I will sit this one out, unless, of course, the AFLWA decides to sponsor us and set us up with a fat expense account to cover late night pizza orders needed to supplement heavy tequila drinking sessions with loose women and on-duty cops.

Yeah, we’ll be watching on ABC like everyone else.

Week 14 CMRP + Weekend Pillow Fight

1 06 2007

UPDATE: TC’s canuck-inspired post is way funnier than this, so I’ll put a break right at the top so you can still see his. Oh, we loves us our Shaun King! Read the rest of this entry »