Our 4 Off-Season Readers, Toledo Needs YOU!

8 01 2008

Toledo Has a Pretty Stadium

It’s not often that we discuss af2 stuff, because we know barely enough about Arena Football Prime to avoid sounding like drooling asylum escapees. However, the announcement that the City of Toledo needs assistance naming their team compels me to emerge from my off-season slumber, climb into my AFL minaret (it’s half the height of normal ones), and raise the call to help embryonic Lucas County Commissioner Ben Konop.

Konop posted a request for ideas on his blog, and, by God, he deserves our help. The leaders at the moment, according to the mighty Toledo Blade are the Walleye and the Woodpeckers. No wonder Big Ben wants our help. It’s mentioned immediately in the comments that the idea of people chanting “Lets go, ‘Peckers,” is one that makes you go “…ehh…” Though, The University of South Carolina does a brisk business in “Cocks” hats, and there are certainly enough douchebags, high schoolers, and those inhabiting the the Venn Diagram union of those two groups for there to be a market for both “Cocks” AND “Peckers” hats. But I digress. In the comments section, so far the suggestions include: the Panes (Glas City, y’all), various frog-based names, Pride, Mudogs (?), Shards, Jeep-based name, and the snarkiest answer, “The Pathetic Lucas County Government Diversions.”


Reading the suggestions kind of broke my brain, so I open the floor to suggestions.

P.S. Kirk Herbstreit was on Pardon the Interruption yesterday, and the video screen attached to the Superdome was imploring people to order their VooDoo season tickets. NATIONAL ADVERTISING, MY FRIENDS.


Do you know who is interesting? Brett Dietz is interesting.

15 06 2007

Could he be the AFL’s Tom Brady?

Our good friends over at ArenaFan Online agree, which prompted an interesting email conversation between TC and myself following an alert tip from our boy Jason.

Jason (to tip line, including link to Arena Fan story): You guys know about this, I presume, and are just playing coy.  

TC (to me): Alternately, we’re idiots.

JFiz: There’s nothing here we didn’t know or write. Aside from him being a frontman for a Maroon 5 esqe band in college.

TC: Well, and he’s not from Finland.

JFiz: I could have told you that, dorkface.

TC: I thought he was actually FROM Finland.

JFiz: Your mom is from Finland.*

Which led me to reflect: I suppose I never actually mentioned that he grew up in Kentucky and played at Hanover College where he kicked some fo’ serious ass, but just marveled at the fact that he spent some of his time playing in Finland.

I’m sorry if I led you astray. My bad.

Error of omission on my part? Perhaps. Does this change the awesomeness that flows from Dietz like whiskey in Ireland or vomit on St. Patrick’s Day? Nay.

The only downside is he’ll never utter Garo Yepremian-esqe football platitudes, which in AFL terms, would probably be something like “I makes net ball!”. 

*Not actually emailed.

[Ed. note: Power Rankings, CMRP, and Pillow Fight will be posted in bonus weekend coverage! (read: I am fucked at work right now) Also, apparently you can listen to AFL chattah on Sirius radio. So, yeah.]

[TC note: I really didn’t know a lot of the stuff that was in that article, because I’ve been content to roll around like a dog in the knowledge that he played in Finland. I’m not very smart sometimes.]

[J Fiz note: because of the tremendous smirk I uttered at TC’s note, everyone in my office thinks I have Irritable Bowl Syndrome.]

When I close my eyes, I have visions of Brett Dietz

6 06 2007

Could he be the AFL’s Tom Brady?

Maybe it’s because I just like QB’s named Brett. More likely, thought, it’s because since Dietz has joined the Storm, Tampa Bay has gone 5-1. They have a legitimate shot of making the playoffs. Just like the Steelers in 2005. Except Dietz isn’t an over-rated meathead of a QB.

We’re talking about the same team for which I began writing “Ode to Tampa Bay” two months ago, which didn’t get much farther than “Oh Tampa Bay, oh Tampa Bay,/You play as bad as Temple”.

Dietz is 136/198 for 1,578 yards, 31 TDs, 6 INTs, and with an average of 11.6 yards per completion, is holding an impressive QB rating of 119.0. He’s roughly on track with NY returnee and resident savior Aaron Garcia, any deficiencies in stats can be forgiven by the simple fact that Garcia is a seasoned (salted? whatever the term is, it makes me think of french fries) veteran, and Dietz’ previous experience is in the af2 and the Finnish pros.

Some things I’d like to know about the Finnish professional football league, by the way:

  1. There’s a professional football league in Finland?
  2. Are the balls manufactured by Ikea?
  3. Seriously, there’s a pro football league in Finland?

Anyhow, we’re beginning to wonder if, in our growing tradition of tagging AFL QBs that remind us of NFL players, if Dietz will become ‘Tom Brady 2.0’ – he comes out of relative obscurity to become one of the best players in the game.

I suppose ‘The af2’s Kurt Warner’ would work too. Anyhow, go Brett Dietz go. Thank you for making the stretch interesting!

Now please kindly get out of my dreams. Thanks.

Briefly: More Stories We Didn’t Break

21 05 2007

Because I cringe whenever I catch an AFL headline on Deadspin – at whose quasi-underground teat we (too) often suckle – that we didn’t break, I feel compelled to link back to it. Because, you know, we get a lot of traffic that they might not receive.

Wait, no. That’s not quite right.

In any event, apparently Quincy Carter, late of the Cowboys, Jets, Alouettes, ‘Dawgs, and Chicago Cubs organizations,  is playing for the af2’s Bossier-Shreveport Battle Wings. I’m having a difficult enough time parsing AFL Prime teams and strategy and whatnot, and I only know that Shreveport exists because of the Independence Bowl, so this flew well under my radar. But he’s having a bit of a time down there in Random-Ass Louisiana. He’s been suspended for missing team meetings. Oops. The commentary on AOL Fanhouse and Deadspin are easily snarky enough for us, so I recommend you amuse yourselves there. My take is that Mr. Carter is another example of a wildly athletic young man who had the most damnable time of getting his act together. It’s sad, really.

Also, so everyone knows, I have the fullest confidence in the ability of the Desperados, Rush, Force, and maybe SaberCats to wax whoever ended up playing in the Independence Bowl.