Week 6: Here’s your Power Rankings, CMRP, and Pillow Fight,

11 04 2008
Other Gruden MUGGED

Take a long look at that face, Chicagoans. That is the face that handed us an OT loss. Take solace in the fact that MyHeritage.com says he looks like either Michael Douglas, Boris Yeltsin, or P Diddy.

What a weekend of mostly-predictable results. What does this weekend look like? The always-astute analysis (ed. note: not entirely sarcastic, except it’s more obvious than astute, whatever, he seems to watch most of the games or at least pay someone to do it for him) of ESPN’s Grampa Gary Horton holds the answers.

AFL Power Rankings (Week 7)

1. Philadelphia Soul (6-0) | Previous: 1 | Week 6: Beat Utah 64-56 | Next: at San Jose
QB Matt D’Orazio has been nothing short of spectacular replacing injured Tony Graziani and the Soul continue to look like a dominating team in all phases. The connection between D’Orazio and WR Chris Jackson continues to produce big plays. Utah has an explosive pass offense, but the Soul defense made plays when it needed to and remains undefeated. Is D’Orazio the Brady to Graziani’s Bledsoe? Probably not. Philly is a beast, though.

2. Dallas Desperados (6-0) | Previous: 2 | Week 6: Beat Cleveland 58-51 | Next: vs. New Orleans
In Clint Dolezel’s return from a Week 1 shoulder injury, he guided the Desperados to their 15th-straight home win. Dallas’ defense did not play a great game versus Cleveland and gave up a lot of yards, but it made plays when needed and broke up eight passes. Dr. D is open for visiting hours, and the prescription is… well, you get where I’m going. Touchdowns. Lots.

3. New Orleans VooDoo (5-1) | Previous: 5 | Week 6: Beat San Jose 72-43 | Next: at Dallas
The VooDoo continue to look like a complete team. They are not only are they winning, but they are dominating their opponents. QB Danny Wimprine continues to be a model of consistency and their defense turned two interceptions into touchdowns against defending ArenaBowl champion San Jose. New Orleans is making big plays every week. Maybe not “big”, but “up to and including 50 yards”. We are playing indoors, after all.

4. Chicago Rush (4-2) | Previous: 3 | Week 6: Lost to Orlando 57-56 (OT) | Next: at Kansas City
Orlando committed five turnovers to keep the Rush in the game, but Chicago normally terrific defense could not make a stop on the last play of regulation. Then it couldn’t make a stop at the end of overtime in a tough road loss that looked like a win for most of the game. I’m sorry, didn’t quite catch that? What were we talking about? Nevermind, I’m going to go break some windows for no reason whatsoever.

5. Orlando Predators (4-2) | Previous: 8 | Week 6: Beat Chicago 57-56 (OT) | Next: at Grand Rapids
Orlando scored on the last play of regulation to tie the game and won it in overtime with a two-point conversion to upset the Rush at home. This team overcame five turnovers and all of their wins (four in a row) have come right down to the wire, proving this is a resilient team. Orlando Predators? More like… Schmorlando Schmedators.

6. Georgia Force (3-3) | Previous: 10 | Week 6: Beat Kansas City 70-63 | Next: Bye
The Force enter their bye week coming off a good win. They are starting to come around and look like a contender. After a sluggish start, they scored 63 points in the last three quarters and got unexpected big games from WR Carl Morris and rookie DB/LB Cam Newton. If you extrapolate what Gary says, though, we have to ask: only a field goal* touchdown in the first quarter? Against Kansas City?   *(JM is bad at math on Friday afternoons)

7. San Jose SaberCats (3-3) | Previous: 4 | Week 6: Lost to New Orleans 72-43 | Next: vs. Philadelphia
This is the kind of game San Jose team usually wins, but there is something special going on in New Orleans and the SaberCats are reeling a little bit. QB Mark Grieb threw an uncharacteristic three costly interceptions as the VooDoo defense controlled the game. Hope you enjoy losing next week, San Jose. Like I said – holding out on re-signing hero QB = BAD MOJO.

8. Cleveland Gladiators (3-2) | Previous: 9 | Week 6: Lost to Dallas 58-51 | Next: vs. Colorado
The Gladiators put up 321 passing yards and moved the ball well versus a good Dallas defense, but they couldn’t stop Dolezel and the Desperados’ offense when they had to most. Still, they have to be proud of their road effort and competitiveness in a tough environment. Get ready for KOSAR versus ELWAY: These Two Guys Played Against Each Other Previously.

9. Colorado Crush (2-3) | Previous: 12 | Week 6: Beat Los Angeles 67-54 | Next: at Cleveland
QB John Dutton finally played a complete game with eight TD passes versus a fading Los Angeles defense. The real story, however, was the Crush defense that created four turnovers and totally dominated the Avengers’ offense. Is Colorado coming back or is L.A. that bad? We’re going with “LA is that bad”, Gary.

10. Tampa Bay Storm (2-3) | Previous Rank: 6 | Week 6: Lost to Columbus 51-49 | Next: vs. Arizona
A good Storm team has lost three straight games and don’t look like the same squad we saw earlier this season. They had some blocking issues and gave up five tackles for loss, one sack and QB Brett Dietz threw a key interception that changed the game. Brett Dietz can do no evil. Brett Dietz is lulling his competition into slumber. Brett Dietz will eat Arizona and crap victory.

11. Grand Rapids Rampage (2-3) | Previous: 7 | Week 6: Lost to New York 63-34 | Next: vs. Orlando
Grand Rapids’ creative and explosive offense we’ve seen the last couple of weeks was nowhere to be found in an embarrassing road loss to New York. The Rampage were intercepted four times by the Dragons’ defense and defensively they couldn’t get enough pressure on QB Aaron Garcia versus a New York OL that usually doesn’t stop anybody. Um, what the eff happened here? Was this game played in Bizarro Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum?

12. Columbus Destroyers (2-4) | Previous: 14 | Week 6: Beat Tampa Bay 51-49 | Next: at New York
QB Matt Nagy continues to play at a high level, spreading the ball around and making good decisions. Columbus also fot a solid defensive effort, with five tackles for loss, one interception, and one sack and probably played its cleanest game of the season. What did Columbus’ defensive effort do? “Got”? “Fought”? RhymeZone.com suggest “Philadelphia Pepper Pot”. Eh, probably not.

13. New York Dragons (2-4) | Previous: 15 | Week 6: Beat Grand Rapids 63-34 | Next: vs. Columbus
QB Aaron Garcia finally got some pass protection and responded with seven TD passes and good ball distribution. You also have to give the Dragons’ defense credit. It came up with four big interceptions versus a Rampage offense that has been hot. Being “hot” is certainly not a characteristic of Grand Rapids, MI we’re used to this time of year.

14. Los Angeles Avengers (2-4) | Previous: 11 | Week 6: Lost to Colorado 67-54 | Next: vs. Utah
The Avengers decided to start journeyman QB Tom Hicks over Sonny Cumbie, but the results were no better. They turned the ball over four times versus an aggressive Colorado defense. This is a team that makes too many mistakes, both physical and mental, and is totally out of sync. The parade of QBs and general dysfunction begins in earnest. LA, you’re this year’s Las Vegas.

15. Arizona Rattlers (2-3) | Previous: 13 | Week 6: Bye | Next: at Tampa Bay
The Rattlers had the week off to correct some things, but their weaknesses may not be solvable that quickly. Offensively, they struggle with a lack of explosiveness and are out-quicked in the trenches by more athletic defensive lines. One good thing is they are in a division that is suddenly very mediocre. He’s not even talking about the Get Your Season Ticket Money Back Watch, folks.

16. Utah Blaze (0-5) | Previous: 17 | Week 6: Lost to Philadelphia 64-56 | Next: at Los Angeles
In a typical Blaze game, QB Joe Germaine put up excellent numbers and did not make any major mistakes, but his defense could not make enough key stops. The Blaze did not have an answer for WR Chris Jackson and Utah continues to be a disappointing, one-dimensional team. THIS TEAM BORES ME IMMENSELY.

17. Kansas City Brigade (0-5) | Previous: 16 | Week 6: Lost to Georgia 70-63 | Next: at Chicago
The Brigade built a 28-7 first-quarter lead, but their defense disappeared in the remaining three quarters in a tough road loss. New QB D. Bryant played fairly well, but was victimized by a very aggressive Georgia defense that produced two sacks, two interceptions, and four passes broken-up. I guess the D wanted to make sure they had a chance to enjoy the Duluth, GA nightlife while they were in town.

CAN’T MISS RANDOM PICK: Thank God, we’re at 4-1 after New Orleans predictably beat San Jose and Cleveland predictably lost to Dallas.

This week: can you say Philadelphia? Good, then you don’t need to bother saying San Jose.


According to Wikipedia,

The phrase perfect storm refers to the simultaneous occurrence of events which, taken individually, would be far less powerful than the result of their chance combination. Such occurrences are rare by their very nature, so that even a slight change in any one event contributing to the perfect storm would lessen its overall impact.

This weekend, the storm is a football game. Instead of a hurricane, it’s a pillowfight. And instead of a hurricane, it’s Utah and Los Angeles.




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