Ocho Cinco! Ocho Cinco!

27 03 2008

More Orange On the Front Page

More orange on the page! WAY more interesting than Ol’ Illinois What’s-His-Injury.

Okay, this may or may not have quasi-broken 10 days ago; that doesn’t make it any less interesting. It’s a well-known fact that Chad Johnson is cranky with his situation in Cincinnati, to the degree that he blew off the Bengals opening workouts this week. However, curious is the fact that he’d be willing to play anywhere else. Even… the Arena League? Why, yes, according to offhand statements on ESPN Radio.

“I don’t know, man. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Whatever it is and where ever I am, it’s going to be something fun. You know what, I might be playing Arena ball. That’s the route I might have to go.”

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the silliest possible thing ever. We saw, with our own eyes, in perosn, Bobby Sippio leap into the stands after a touchdown, dance with fans, and then SPRINT back to his bench and dive over the boards to avoid a delay of game and/or too-many-men-on-the-field penalty on the extra point. That’s Bobby Sippio. He never made a public statement implying his desire to use a deer as a prop in a touchdown celebration. The Bleacher Report puts it best:

“Plus, the AFL, unlike the NFL, would most likely allow his dances and celebrations since they realize it’s entertainment and because well, they’re desperate for fans and would love to increase their ratings. I mean, the guy would be bringing in tons of fans and giving the league more media coverage than ever so I doubt they’d have a problem with him whipping out signs and Irish dancing.”

Commissioner Hagrid, when he handed out the 64-ton Arena Bowl trophy mentioned that the AFL stood for “All-Fun League.” the guy would be allowed to carry fireworks in his uniform if he wanted. He could wrap the ball in flash paper and set the thing on fire. He could leave the field, fly to Switzerland, put the ball in the Super Hadron Collider at CERN, and the AFL’d sent a camera crew after him and hold the game until he came back. And these are all inanimate objects! Do I see strippers involved in these touchdown celebrations? I certainly do.

Johnson wants to play in Dallas. Chris Sanders wanted to play for the Cowboys, too, but he didn’t get his wish. Maybe… nah. That’d be insane. But it’d be destination TV, that’s for certain. You want to get stupid, AFL fans? Root for further logjams in the Bengals front office.

(Note: This was originally referenced on the 18th of March on The Fanhouse. It was promptly forgotten about until The Bleacher Report and Under the Roof showed up in my Google Reader this afternoon. Hat tips all around.)




One response

28 03 2008

Personally, I would LOVE to see Ocho Cinco either a) breaking out in forgotten song and dance numbers from “The Music Man” or b) re-enact the celebration dance from the beginning of “BASEketball”.

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