Our Damn Rankings, Can’t Miss Random Pick, and Pillowfights – Week 3

21 03 2008

Is Joe in this well?

Has Joe fallen in here? My excuse? Would you believe I was drugged by attractive women, who wanted to have their way with me? Stockholm Syndrome is a bitch, guys.

Joe’s trapped under something heavy, so I’m making the rankings happen. It’s not my shtick to make fun of Grampa Gary, so I’m going to make my own rankings, and bring back the haikus. If you’re curious what Gary thinks, his rankings are here. not happening this week? What’s going on here? Whatever, fuck it. Also, Philly beat LA last week. We’ll take that into account. Why not?

After the jump: random decisions.

(1) Philadelphia – Previously: 1 – Record: 4-0 – Week 3: Defeated New York 63-42. – Week 4: Defeated Los Angeles 71-34

D’Orazio’s back
Can keep Philly here until
Graziani’s back

(2) Chicago – Previously: 5 – Record: 2-1 – Week 3: Defeated Grand Rapids 64-35 – This week: vs. Colorado, Saturday

Colorado now
Four weeks of
total crap teams
Then Colorado

(3) Dallas – Previously: 2 – Record: 3-0 – Week 3: Defeated Colorado 51-40 – This week: as San Jose, Saturday

Sanders adequate
Dallas needs more than that, Chris,

To defeat Grieb, ‘Cats

(4) San Jose – Previously: 6 – Record: 2-1 – Week 3: Defeated Arizona 63-43 – This week: vs. Dallas

Why do they surprise?
Grieb and co. do yeoman’s work,
Only loss: at Rush.

(5) Cleveland – Previously: 7 – Record: 3-0 – Week 3: Defeated Columbus 59-57 – This week: at New Orleans

Okay, fine, I give.
3 and 0 is 3 and o.
Wake-up upcoming…

(6) Georgia – Previously: 9 – Record: 1-2 – Week 3: Defeated Los Angeles 58-34 – This week: at Orlando.

First three weeks: brutal
Force get benefit of doubt
Due to monster sched.

(7) New Orleans – Previously: 12 – Record 2-1 – Week 3: Defeated Tampa Bay 76-55 – This week: vs. Cleveland

Two myst’ry teams enter
Is Naw’lins the pretender?
Or is Danny real?

(8) Tampa Bay – Previously: 4 – Record: 2-1 – Week 3: Lost to New Orleans 76-55 – This week: Off

Brett Dietz’ sophomore year:
Promising, but uneven
Prob’ly can beat “off”

(9) Los Angeles – Previously: 3 – Record: 2-2 – Week 3: Lost to Georgia 58-34 – This week: Lost to Philadelphia 71-34

Gramps, you’re a nitwit.
Cumbie will stay adequate,
L.A. just so-so.

(10) Orlando – Previously: 10 – Record: 1-2 – Week 3: Defeated Utah 69-61 – This week:  vs. Georgia

All not dark for Preds:
Gruden Two does more with less.
Too bad he has to.

(11) Colorado – Previously: 8 – Record: 1-1 – Week 3: Lost to Dallas 51-40 – This week: at Chicago.

Dutton’s sis-in-law
Totally falling apart
Faster than the Crush

(12) Arizona – Previously: 11 – Record: 1-2 – Week 3: Lost to San Jose 63-43 – This week: vs. New York

Free season tickets!
We like this story because
We know nothing else.

(13) New York – Previously: 13 – Record: 1-2 – Week 3: Lost to Philadelphia 63-42 – This week: at Arizona.

Garcia injured.
Who else is on this team? Frauds?
What to do, New York?

(14) Columbus – Previous: 14 – Record: 0-3 – Week 3: Lost to Cleveland 59-57 – This week: at Utah

Ye, Gods, what happened?
Matt Nagy’s Crankypants: On.
Do
something right, guys.

(15) Kansas City – Previously: 16 – Record: 0-2 – Week 3: Off – This week: vs. Grand Rapids

This team: enigma
Or perhaps I just don’t care.
Yeah, that’s prob’ly it.

(16) Utah – Previously: 17 – Record: 0-3 – Week 3: Lost to Orlando 69-61 – This week: vs. Columbus

Can’t stop anyone
Can’t run long enough to win
Utah is screw-ed.

(17) Grand Rapids – Previously: 15 – Record: 0-3 – Week 3: Lost to Chicago 64-35 – This week: at Kansas City

Best chance for vic’try
This week v. KC., but they’ll
Find ways to fuck up.

Quickly and belatedly:

Can’t Miss Random Pick: Georgia over Orlando. Georgia gets back on track, or their in trouble early in a difficult division.

Pillow Fight of the Week: Legally, you can be put to death for forcing someone to watch Columbus/Utah and New York/Arizona. But if you’re considering watching Grand Rapids/Kansas City, you’d probably welcome the sweet embrace of death, so that’s not really an effective punishment. THREE GAMES this week between shitty, shitty teams. Enjoy the NCAA tournament, instead. Enjoy some anonymous fling with the gender of your choosing, instead. Hell, you could enjoy being waterboarded, instead.

The other games look pretty good, though, specifically Cleveland/New Orleans and Dallas/San Jose (would be better with Dr. Dolezel).

Fuck it, I’m watching Western Kentucky vs. San Diego.

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