¿Donde Estará La Casa Pequeño de Fútbol Americano?

13 03 2008

We must begin with the quote from the Arizona Republic:

Now Baker is talking about possibly putting teams in London, Berlin and Mexico City or Monterrey, Mexico, by the end of this decade.”I think we’re built for it,” Baker said. “It makes travel easier.

“Unlike 100-yard football, where it takes a 747 for each team, we travel with 26 to 27. Clear out a couple of rows of coach and we’re ready to go.”

Oh, yes. Because travel is the problem with sending the NFL overseas. It’s not that the general reaction to our usual football is “¿Que? Quoi? Eh? Was? Cosa? Wat? Что? Quais? Τι?” Which is shortly followed with “Hey, chaps, why don’t we start some sort of riot in the sport we like? Who brought the flares? Gunter? Ripping good job.” Now, what really needs to happen is this: the Arena League needs to create the London Blitz and send It’s Still Football to cover and promote it. We don’t eat that much, we’re low maintenance, we’re well-educated; send us! We’ll be ambassadors!

Look, we even have ideas, as “presented” by Commissioner David Baker! High five!

Qui a coupe le fromage?

“Présentation: Les Hommes d’Fer! We look forward to Parisians can not attending, just like Euro Disney! Additionally, this is the only arena in the league where smoking is permitted. We’re considering putting a team near Belgium. We’re thinking about calling it the Maginot Linemen. Haut-cinq!”

Adonde vas, Senor Baker?

“Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great pleasure to introduce to you the Monterrey Huitzilopochtli. The Mexican fan base can find this thoroughly aburrido, and Lou Dobbs thinks this is a terrible idea, but we will not be deterred! ¡Alto cinco!”

What, Russia Not Good Enough For You?

“We, after studying Napoleon and the Wermacht, have decided to wait until the Spring to invade Russia. [Laughter] The team will be the St. Petersburg Czarists. Верховный пять!”

Och! [Unintelligible Words with lots of Consonants]

“I am the Loch Ness Monster.”

Ah! It’s the Hun!

“Since we already know that the Germans are football-mad, or at least willing to humor us as thanks for the Marshall Plan, Germany gets more than one team. I am proud to announce the Berlin Nihilists, the and the Dresden Bombers. Hoch fünf!”

I Wish I Could Make a Coherent Avengers Reference

“Cheerio, old chum. I submit for your approval the final piece of our international puzzle, the London Blitz. I have nothing but the highest of hopes for our expansion to Mexico and Europe, and, if this experiment is as successful as we all hope, perhaps we will move into Asia. Macao is the Las Vegas of the Orient, you know. Cheers!”

I don’t know how to contextualize my last picture, so I’m just going to put it up there.

Baker As Beefeater

Just think: if this is accurate, those girls behind David Baker are 8 feet tall and small objects thrown in their direction have a tendency to go into orbit around them.




4 responses

14 03 2008

I take full and unadulterated credit for that last picture. Except that TC did all the work while I sat idly by watching the Cats lose.

Damn it! Why didn’t they call a time out!?

14 03 2008
Mike White

Scottish David Baker needs about tree-fiddy.

14 03 2008

Also, I like to pretend that that’s Jerry Jones he’s high-fiving. And that instead of high-fiving, they’re doing one of those old timey dances, like in the Zeffirelli Romeo and Juliet.

15 03 2008

check this out Saw this blog, it’s an imagining of what the EPL would look like Americanised with a draft.


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