What On Earth Can We Expect: The New Orleans VooDoo

29 02 2008

Fleur-di-lis and bars

One Fleur-de-Lis for each time I flashed my chest for beads when we were in N’awlins.


  • National Conference, Southern Division
  • 2007 record: 5-11; Arena Bowl championships – see alternate universe
  • Nightmarish mascot “Bones” balanced by Muppet-ish/Phanatic-esqe “Mojo”
  • Head Coach Mike Neu is a free agency mad genius

Paragraph About Upcoming Horror/Delight:

Time to be perfectly honest – most of the previews I’ve handled have been a cursory look at last year’s performance and any significant roster changes. Looking over this season’s roster, though, I am slack-jawed: Neu made some serious acquisitions on both sides of the ball, and I daresay that this New Orleans team I wouldn’t have noticed last season could be dangerous this year, even in a tough division with Georgia, Tampa Bay, and Orlando. If they’re this year’s Tampa Bay, I will gladly tell you I told you so.

Bullet Points About People:

  • Newcomers WR/DB BJ Barre, DB Lin-J Shell, and WR Chris Horn (who seems to be in some NFL squad’s team every preseason) scheduled to go on team-building retreat in Louisiana outback
  • Head coach Mike Neu’s main office located in abandoned oil platform in Caribbean that’s being upgraded into a Super Doom Fortress using FEMA debit cards
  • QB Steve Bellisari nagging Tony Graziani to have an “Italian Off”; challenges to include recalling Dean Martin lyrics and naming as many salami varieties as possible in 20 seconds

The Good:

New additions to the team. Relative unknown QB Bellisari. Kicker Jonathan Ruffin won the Lou Groza award at Cincy. Red beans and rice.

The Bad:

Tempting nights out on Bourbon Street. Tough division. Overall lack of experience. Possibility of bad Mojo.

Completely Arbitrary Prediction:

The VooDoo rebound from a disappointing 2007 season with an 8-8 record because I’m not that confident in my sleeper pick. Mike Neu takes over New Orleans with a genetically-enhanced voodoo lady that shakes her stick and drives you crazy with that BOOGIE. BOOGIE. BOOGIE.




One response

2 06 2008

gotta lose the last 3 now…

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