What On Earth Can We Expect: The Grand Rapids Rampage

29 02 2008

Grand Rapids Flag

What. The. Fuck?

Facts:

  • American Whatever Central The Other Thing
  • Arena Bowl Championships: 1 – 2001
  • Half of It’s Still Football has actually been to Van Andel Arena. For the 2001 Women’s Big Ten Basketball Tournament. So, you know … upgrade!
  • Last Year’s Record: 4-12 (5th)

A Paragraph About Upcoming Horror/Delight:

BREAKING NEWS: Grand Rapids relocates to Screwsville! I have now spent the better part of an episode of Furturama trying to think of something positive to say about Grand Rapids, or even something remarkably bad. You can call it a rebuilding year, if you want, Grand Rapids denizens. If that makes you feel better. Ugh.

Bullet Points About People:

  • The Adrian McPherson Experience continues, despite all odds and logic.
  • For sake of convenience, backup QB James MacPherson will just drop the “a” in his last name. I hope. Desperately.
  • Hey, it’s Brian Gowins! Kicker for the 1996 Rose Bowl Participating Northwestern Wildcats! And a snappy dresser!
  • [Something pleasant about new coach Steve Thonn]

The Good:

Steve Thonn was Georgia’s offensive coordinator, and Georgia put up numbers, so the future can be bright. McPherson could be fertile comedy ground.

The Bad:

The defense isn’t any better, and McPherson is wildly erratic. MacPherson is untested.

Completely Arbitrary Prediction:

5-11, with a strong likelihood of playing the role of slumpbuster for a number of teams.

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One response

3 03 2008
Will

That flag makes me sad, like somebody murdered Pacman.

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