What On Earth Can We Expect: The Georgia Force

26 02 2008

800px-flag_of_georgia_us_statesvg.png

Back to flags. Georgia Tech is pissed about this whole flag, pretty much, right? With that dome-thing*, and the red, and the minuteman dude, right? What do they get? The color yellow? 

Facts:

  • National Conference Southen Division
  • I made the Georgia/Georgia Tech (unfunny) joke because of the time that they wore helmets that had a red stripe and a gold stripe to honor both universities.
  • Arena Bowl Championships: 0
  • Last year’s record: 14-2 (1st), lost (bafflingly) to Columbus in the championship round. (See also: Desperados, Dallas)

A Paragraph About Upcoming Horror/Delight:

Sadly, unlikely to be quite as good as last year, if only because the rest of their division is so competitive. I also learned recently (3 minutes ago) that they have a new offensive coordinator. But, they were sturdy to the point of dullness. So, what have we learned? That I can’t analyze to save my damn hell ass life. It certainly doesn’t seem like there’s that big of anobstacle to overcome when you’re the league’s highest-scoring team with the guy who threw for 117 damn touchdown passes under center. So, celebrate cautiously, Georgia fans.

Bullet Points About People/Anthropomorphic Horrors:

  • Perhaps you’ve heard that Chris Griesen is scrappy?
  • Arthur Blank owns two football teams. This one might be able to beat his other one. Yeah, I said it.
  • I cannot describe how truly bizarre Blu is. I swear we had a picture with him, but it bends space and time, and I can’t find it now.
  • Dispersal draft pickup R-Kal Truluk’s full name is R-Kal K-Quan Truluk, which means “Ruler of the Lake” in Swahili. Lives in a Fortress of Solitude. I will type “Trukluk” by accident 1,049 times this season.

The Good:

They’re good! Harrison Bergeron is good! Chris Griesen is made out of space-age unbreakable material! They’re known for scoring points in a league that scores points in uncountable numbers! I haven’t heard anything bad about their defense! Will win many shootouts!

The Bad:

I’ve used up all of my exclamation points for the next 24 hours. The National Conference is stupid-good this year. Like I said, I can’t remember a damn thing about how they won 13 14 games last year. Tampa Bay is better, New Orleans can’t be as bad (right?) and Orlando still has a team. But that’s talking about other teams. I can’t think of much bad to say about Georgia. They’re like a stealth team.

Completely Arbitrary Prediction:

11-5, playoffs, lose to… let’s say, Tampa Bay. Seriously, the only way you can see this team is if you’re pretending to look at something else and you catch them out of the corner of your eye. It’s like hunting for salmon using only the tactics and weapons provided to bears without the advantage of being a bear.

*Okay, the dome thing is on Georgia Tech’s insignia too. Damn. I give up on making jokes.

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