What on Earth We Can Expect: The Tampa Bay Storm

13 02 2008

Tampa Flag - yawn.

The City of Tampa flag pays homage to the Stars and Stripes, as well as the banners of Spain, France, Italy, and Great Britain; if the US forecloses on Florida and any of those countries get it on the cheap, they’ll be covered.

Facts:

  • Mitsubishi National Conference, Mitsubishi Southern Division, brought to you by Mitsubishi
  • Arena Bowl Champions 1991, 1993, 1995, 1996, 2003
  • Most successful when uniforms were Zubaz-tic
  • 2007 record: 9-7, lost in first round of playoffs to Columbus
  • If I mention Brett Dietz more than three times in this post, his ghost will appear behind me in the mirror; also, I’ll be a one-trick pony

A Paragraph About Upcoming Horror/Delight:

When TC and I started up this dog-and-pony show last year, the Storm were horrible. Abysmal. Not even worthy of comparison to the 2006 Art Shell Re-Dux Oakland Raiders. Then, (pick your lame metaphor: 1. ‘the storm clouds lifted’; 2. ‘an eye in the storm appeared’; 3. ‘the perfect storm formed’) when rookie QB Brett Dietz took over for injured Stoney Case against Columbus, leading them to a scrappy 34-32 win. The Storm went on to win seven of their last eight games of the season, and lost a nail-biter in the first round of the playoffs. This season, if they can keep the momentum built last year, LAME SAILING METAPHOR we’ll see whether the winds have shifted to Tampa Bay’s favor for the long haul /LAME SAILING METAPHOR.

Bullet Points About People:

  • The QB position is under control.
  • Veteran WR/LB David Saunders from the Destroyers is always a threat to go all the way to the endzone, beach, or grocery store, depending on day’s To Do list
  • Rookie WR Tyrone Timmons of Mississippi Valley State never forgets to remind everyone Jerry Rice went to Mississippi Valley State
  • OL/DL Earnest Certain claims there are other positions people play in football; also, name is comprised entirely of adjectives

The Good:

The offense. Sunshine. Florida oranges. More offense.

The Bad:

High expectations. Retirees on the freeway with their left turn signal on. On the Storm’s website, Earnest Certain is in the pronunciation guide, DB Khalid Naziruddin is not.

Completely Arbitrary Prediction

The Storm finish 14-2, go on to lose the Arena Bowl; JM’s head explodes.

Dietz flies around planet to reverse time, win game, save JM’s head. This also causes JM’s head to explode.

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3 responses

13 02 2008
tcmcg

Earnest Certain’s middle name is “Lugubrious.” I hope.

13 02 2008
JM

I’d also be okay with “Fortuitous”.

13 02 2008
Josh

Existential!

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