I Made an Ass of Myself On a Conference Call W/Coaches Doug Kay and Darren Arbet!

23 07 2007

The Old Guy is Coach Kay

I asked a question to the guy on the left. Assuming that’s actually Doug Kay.

Well, this is easily the silliest thing ever. We missed the conference call with Joey Galloway, but as we speak, I’m listening to the on-hold music (I wondered what Vangelis had been up to – now we know), waiting for the conference call between Coach Darren Arbet of the SaberCats and Doug Kay of the Destroyers to start. I’m going to type as much as I can – I’m supposed to also be assembling marketing folders for the urethra musicians that work in my office. 

Well, the first bit of good news: I had to identify myself to the operator, and she asked for my name and my company, and she giggled at “It’s Still Football.” We’re awesome.

4:04 PM: Away we go! Hosted by Chris Maddigan, PR Director, AFL. Sweet.

Blah blah blah, stats… Arbet’s won a bunch of games, they both have a pile of rings (a small pile: two each), and Arbet’s undefeated in Arena Bowls, though.

Bye Week: 

Arbet gave his guys 3 days off, with some tape study, and came back with pads on, got “heated” on Thursday and Friday, so they went pads-off on Saturday and Sunday.

Kay did pretty much the same thing. Kay admits that there’s no answer to a bye week. Okay, that was sort of all right.

I guess this was the only common question to both coaches.

SHIT – I missed the instructions on how to ask questions. FUCK. I was distracted. I have no excuse.

The Sirius Sattelite Radio guy sounds like he got beat up a lot as a kid, and really likes Alan Harper.

Darren Arbet’s an AFL lifer, and he seems like a really cool dude. He’s so cool, he may be struggling to stay awake. Coach Kay declined to get Darren Arbet a job, and he said he could figure it out his own damn self. Well, maybe not in so many words. 

New Orleans Times-Picayune guy asked if Coach Arbet is content as a coach, and Coach Arbet deflects the question onto “I love what I’m doing.”

ESPN guy asks about being an African-American coach. Is it something that he’s talked to Tony Dungy or Lovie Smith about? Because, you know, all African-Americans know each other. Coach Arbet says roughly the same things, but in a much nicer way. He says that if you’re a kid who comes from a rough area, like he did (New Orleans, interestingly), and say to yourself “I can be a pro football coach like Darren Arbet,” who cares what color you are?  Or something like that. Wait, Coach Arbet, you mean that you aren’t able to just pick up the Blackphone and talk to Tony Dungy? I wish I knew who that ESPN guy was so I could make fun of him some more.

Sweet: Skip Foster question from SIRIUS guy. “Skip Foster is a professional… at every level he’s been successful,” says Coach Kay. Wow. Depth. Then SIRIUS guy got smacked down by Coach Kay, who asked if he was having fun. Coach Kay thinks being a football coach does not equal fun. It’s a job, asshole SIRIUS guy. Awesome.

According to both coaches, veteran quarterbacks are good to have. Gritty, tough, and smart, says Coach Arbet. Coach Kay sort of makes a little fun of Matt Nagy, but in a nice way.

I’m WAY too nervous to ask a question, now that I’ve figured out how to do so. I’m choking. I’ll admit it.

Doug Kay is king of the backhanded compliments. A question is asked about Darren Arbet, because they go way back, and he says that he’s surprised at his success because “he was never on time,” but he also says that he was determined and was willing to stop at nothing to be a great coach. The follow-up question is more complimentary, though. Perhaps Coach Kay thought he was being a bit of a crankypants himself, and adjusted.

Joey Galloway’s been giving pregame speeches, lately, and he’s 3-0 so far. That’s pretty cool. Coach Kay likes having Joey Galloway around. I guess I would, too.

Nobody’s asking very pointed questions, so now I’m really afraid to say “Hey, Coach Kay, we’ve noticed on the ESPN feeds that there seemed to be a lot of confusion between Matt Nagy and Coach Foster – are their debates part of their normal course of football events?”

Coach Kay doesn’t see himself as an underdog, yadda yadda yadda. Damn good football teams, he says.

Coach Kay is 71. The San Jose Mercury News wants to know. Weird.

I asked! I sounded like a knife-wielding maniac. Coach Kay said that they have two strong-willed personalities in Coach Foster and Matt Nagy, and that he only gets involved if the contention gets to a certain level, and he’s perfectly willing to let them argue if it gets results – which, in his defense, it has. It’s part of the normal discourse of football. I didn’t follow up with “But they sound insane on ESPN,” and I kind of wish I had.

Wow, I sounded stupid. If there’s any recording of this conference call, I’m going to die a thousand deaths.

More good news: I was announced on the conference call as “Tom McGrath of It’s Still Football.” I then ruined everything by opening my mouth and babbling about how I wasn’t a traditional journalist. I’m all lightheaded now. Jesus, you’d think I never spoke in front of people before.

Okay, actual journalists, you win! Your job is hard. I suck.




One response

23 07 2007

I wouldn’t have thought Doug Kay would be so much fun.

(and, you guys _will_ tell us if there’s a replay number for the concall, right?)

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