Last weekend’s games were exciting and dramatic! This weekend’s games look to be a little less so! Will the top two seeds in each conference remain intimidating, or are major upsets afoot!?! (Hint: no.)
SATURDAY: Columbus at Dallas, 8PM ET.
TC SAYS: I’m not going to use any “stats” in this one. Stats are for sissies. I may not use any “facts,” beyond the one that says Dallas lost but once this year, and has looked like assassins in doing so. Columbus’ quarterback and offensive coordinator don’t seem to get along. I executed some precision TiVoing to get that conversation verbatim, by the way. If Seth Marler hadn’t gone all Xavier Betitia in the last 5 minutes, we’d be having a much more interesting discussion about Brett “Dammit, I’m From Kentucky, I Only Played In Finland” Dietz vs. Dr. Clint “I’m Sorry, I Have Trouble Hearing You Over My Cheering Fans” Dolezel. But noooooo. Instead we get Cranky Matt Nagy stomping his foot ineffectually as Dallas DBs run in the other direction with the ball.
J SAYS: Verily. This is a classic David and Goliath story minus David, Goliath, and slingshots with rocks. Stats are for sissies, you say? You are right. J’S JAWS-LIKE REFERENCE OF MEANINGLESS STATISTICS: Columbus was the only team to make it into the playoffs with a losing record (7-9). Also, the fact that I was cock-blocked in Nagy’s SportsNation chat a while back doesn’t bode well for the Destroyers.
THE BOTTOM LINE: (TC) I don’t think Columbus has a prayer. Dallas has made next to no missteps all year, is led by a veteran with an outstanding supporting cast, and – most importantly – hasn’t been caught by the Magic ESPN Microphones getting into catfights with his coaches. (J) When I think about Dallas playing a football game, I get all tingly and goose-pimply. When I think about Columbus playing a football game, I get bowel obstructions.
TC’S PREDICTION: The only source of drama is whether or not Dr. Dolezel will also sleep with Matt Nagy’s wife/significant other/sister. His prescription: scoring.
J’S PREDICTION: The only source of drama is how many times Dr. Dolezel will sleep with Matt Nagy’s wife/significant other/sister. And whether Brooke (below) will be in the mix (yes, she will).
Oh, and to make up for the potential dullness of this game, I need to share Dallas’ representative to the Aaron’s Dream Team:
(J) Brooke, I cordially invite you to
move into my apartment play naked Twister re-enact the “Call On Me” video a fine dinner of sushi and screening of the Director’s Cut of Donnie Darko.