Grampa Gary gave us a little bit of a scare yesterday afternoon, as he checked in over 20 minutes late for his weekly “I Really Don’t Give Two Shits About This League” AFL chat, leaving your favorite J-named editor and a rather inquisitive Hawaiian hanging in the balance; for a while, it looked as though we would have to answer our fairly obvious questions for ourselves.
Buzzmaster: (4:01 PM ET ) Gary will be here any minute now, so keep the questions rolling in!
As per usual, Gary wasn’t ready to go right at the crack of 4pm Eastern; we’re used to this, and assume he needs the extra couple of minutes to hitch up his trousers and find his reading glasses (they were on top of his head all along!).
Buzzmaster: (4:07 PM ET ) Just a little longer folks. Thanks for waiting!
Previously, Gary’s made us wait this long, presumably to finish savoring his Werther’s Originals, but at almost ten minutes, I’m wondering if he forgot his Metamucil this morning and is, shall we say, a little delayed.
At the 20 minute mark, I begin to wonder, completely without irony, if he’s had a heart attack or a stroke. And then, suddenly:
Buzzmaster: (4:20 PM ET ) We have Gary!
The Buzzmaster (who the hell gets that great job, by the way?) qualms most of my fears, but part of me expects a follow up of
Buzzmaster: (4:21 PM ET ) We found him passed out on the floor of the men’s room!
J (Chicago, IL): Hi Gary~ It’s been a week since Shaun King was cut from Las Vegas – think he’ll go anywhere aside from physical therapy?
Gary Horton: (4:41 PM ET ) Well obviously Tampa is looking to upgrade and so is Philadelphia. But from what I have heard Shaun King was not a great locker room guy in Vegas and he was not really playing that well to get a free pass. But he may be a different guy if he went to a playoff team like Philadelphia. You just get the feeling that he did not respect the coaches and the organization at Las Vegas, and if that is the case that is a guy you do not want around, whether he is right or wrong.
Shaun King, seven-year NFL veteran kicked to the curb and forced to take a huge pay cut to play in the professional ‘B’ football league a locker room cancer? Who could have seen that one coming?
Meanwhile, I simply have to mention that there is a fan based in Hawaii that simply LOVES the AFL. I’m not sure what time it is in Hawaii at 4pm ET, but let’s assume he woke up at five in the morning to fire off a total of three questions to Gary. I won’t repost verbatim here, mostly because they’re not terribly interesting questions (although disturbingly well-informed and stat-heavy), let’s just suffice it to say that his queries could be summarized with the following:
[NAME WITHHELD] (Kukuihaele, HI): Gary, I think Utah is superb, New York is terrible, and I want Joe Germaine to impregnate me like I’m Arnold Schwarzenegger in “Junior”. Agreed?
Gary Horton: (4:52 PM ET ) What in the holy fuck are you talking about?