Power Rankings! In Haiku!

13 04 2007

So! As my currently-Florida-based co-editor mentioned, you’re left with me to amuse you today. Since he didn’t have time to snark on the weekly power rankings from Scouts, Inc., I shall do so. In haiku. Technically, it’s something else, because haikus require a reference to nature, but I don’t care. Also, I was stymied by coding earlier, so sorry for the posts that didn’t say anything. On to the power rankings. (P.S. You’ll note that I’m going against the CMRP this week. We’re not afraid to disagree with each other.)

AFL Power Rankings
(Heading into Week 7)

1. (1) Dallas (6-0)
Last week: Beat Columbus 53-51
This week: vs. Philadelphia
Desperados coasted for the second week in a row. This week, it took until they were down by 30 in the second quarter before they turned it on. How long can they dodge the bullet?

Dallas, the real deal?
Yes, but the Soul are pissed off
6 and 1’s still great

2. (3) Chicago (5-1)
Last week: Beat Nashville 66-54
This week: Bye
All-world WR Bobby Sippio buried Kats with six TD catches on only seven receptions to overcome a solid performance by Nashville QB Jeff Smoker (298 yards and six TDs).

Bobby Sippio
Can’t be stopped, as Scouts also says.
Except by bye weeks

3. (4) Georgia (5-1)
Last week: Beat Philadelphia 57-49
This week: vs. Las Vegas
A lot of penalties kept it close, but QB Chris Greisen (344 yards and six TDs) picked apart a good Philadelphia secondary, and the Force defense got a lot of hits on Soul QB Tony Graziani.

Griesen looks sturdy
But seventeen penalties
Better be a fluke

4. (2) Philadelphia (4-1)
Last week: Lost to
Georgia 57-49
This week: at
How did Philly lose its first game?
Georgia defense put a lot of hits on QB Tony Graziani and disrupted the passing game; Force receivers exploited Philadelphia DBs in man-to-man coverages; and Soul played catch-up all night.

Bon Jovi’s digits
Didn’t help Soul’s rhythm woes.
They’ll use loss as fuel.

5. (5) Utah (4-1)
Last week: Lost to Austin 65-64
This week: vs. Los Angeles
One-dimensional, high-scoring offensive teams win their share, but if they can’t make some key defensive stops, it catches up to them. And that’s exactly what happened to Utah.

I’m not sold on Blaze
Good teams keep bad ones at bay
Prove me wrong, Utah

6. (8) San Jose (3-2)
Last week: Beat Colorado 72-44
This week: at New Orleans
QB Mark Grieb had a huge day (352 yards and seven TD passes) and SaberCats’ defense dominated the fading Crush offense. This game was over in the first half.

Better than record,
San Jose could be sleeper
Because of strong D.

7. (9) Los Angeles (3-2)
Last week: Beat Arizona 64-45
This week: at
LA’s defense was the story. It forced four turnovers and made key stops in the fourth quarter. The Avengers ran away from
Arizona with a 27-point fourth quarter.

City of Angels
Has a schizophrenic team,
could give Blaze problems.

8. (6) New Orleans (3-3)
Last week: Lost to Tampa Bay 66-43
This week: vs. San Jose
VooDoo turned the ball over six times versus an opportunistic Storm defense that knocked QB Andy Kelly out of the game.
New Orleans could not stop the Tampa
Bay run game.

FNL’s VooDoo
More three-dimensional than
AFL team is.

9. (10) Orlando (2-3)
Last week: Bye
This week: vs. Tampa Bay
Underachieving Predators have a lot of injuries and are not clicking yet, but a week off and a date against a very beatable Storm could help a lot. 

Other Gruden ate
At kids’ table on Easter;
Win gains back respect

10. (13) Kansas City (3-2)
Last week: Beat Las Vegas 65-31
This week: vs. Grand Rapids
After Las Vegas opened the scoring with a field goal, the Brigade responded by scoring the next 34 points and making key stops in a rout of the Gladiators. 

Put Sam Simmons in!
Crap Vegas win no reason
To get excited. 

11. (7) Colorado (3-3)
Last week: Lost to San Jose 72-44
This week: at
New York
Underachieving or overrated? Crush are starting to fall apart. QB John Dutton is playing poorly, and the defense cannot make any key stops. They are in trouble.

Who is John Dutton?
Slapped around by Sabercats,
MUST win at New York. 

12. (11) Nashville (2-4)
Last week: Lost to

Chicago 66-54
This week: at
Kats played a sloppy game, but, then again, so did the Rush. Still, the combination of penalties, ejections and turnovers were too much to overcome in a very physical game. 

Overrated at
Michigan State as QB,
Smoker still smokes pole. 

13. (12) Columbus (2-3)
Last week: Lost to Dallas 53-51
This week: vs. Austin
Competitive Destroyers built an amazing 30-point lead in the first half, but they couldn’t stop a potent Dallas passing game in the second half and suffered a bitter loss. 

C-bus can’t finish.
Fix that, and might they be a
late-season sleeper? 

14. (15) Austin (2-4)
Last week: Beat Utah 65-64
This week: at
The Wranglers did a good job of playing an up-tempo offensive game versus the explosive Blaze, and they seemed to have an answer every time

Utah went ahead.  

Utah win: big whoop.
Middle-of-pack team needs to
Build on momentum.

15. (17) Grand Rapids (2-3)
Last week: Beat New York 66-53
This week: at Kansas City
QB Chad Salisbury seemed sharp in his return from an injury with eight TD passes and no interceptions, and the best Rampage weapon — WR/KR Timon Marshall — was huge with 10 catches for 92 yards and three TDs. 

Who are these jokers?
They lost to Las Vegas, and
Vegas is awful. 

16. (19) Tampa Bay (1-5)
Last week: Beat New Orleans 66-53
This week: at
There is a lot of pride and experience in this organization, and it showed in tough road win at
New Orleans. The combination of a physical run game and great defense was the key.  

I should be impressed?
Beat VooDoo? Whoop de doo-doo.
To do: lose to Preds. 

17. (14) Arizona (1-5)
Last week: Lost to Los Angeles 64-45
This week: vs.
This is simply a team that can’t play consistent defense and when the offense doesn’t explode, the Rattlers are in trouble. Could this veteran team be ready to fall apart?

I’m down with Scouts here.
They’re coming apart so fast,
Shrapnel a danger.

18. (18). New York (1-4)
Last week: Lost to Grand Rapids 66-53
This week: vs. Colorado
The Dragons’ offense was decent, but the Rampage made key defensive stops and played a physical style versus the New York receivers, never letting them get into a good flow. 

Front-loaded schedule
Makes things look worse than they are.
Still pretty bad, though. 

19. (16) Las Vegas (1-5)
Last week: Lost to Kansas City 65-31
This week: at
The Gladiators were out of the game early, as both the offense and defense sputtered in the first half.
Las Vegas was sloppy in all phases in a turnover-filled game.  

Yeesh. Shaun King must suck,
If the Gladiators can’t
Find a place for him.




One response

13 04 2007

I’m terrified of editing this, and wrecking the delicate formatting. So, let me put these two things out there:

Chicago’s second line should be:
Can’t be stopped, Scouts says so too.

Everything else works, though the Soul haiku needs a clever bit of elision.

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