Can’t Miss Random Pick Pity Party

11 04 2007

Well, it’s Wednesday, which means we got distracted so badly by aging rocker middle fingers that we didn’t recap the weekend. A weekend which sadly included a bump in the road for the CMRP. Arizona couldn’t hold the lead through the 4th quarter, and Los Angeles rallied for a 64-45 victory in an up-and-down slopfest. Sonny Cumbie is still not a good football player. But he’s good enough.

In other ludicrously uninteresting news, Grand Rapids and New York traded blows before settling for a 66-53 Rampage win on the arm of Chad Salisbury (8 TD passes), who I have to admit I couldn’t name until he showed up in the headline. Brian Gowins still exists, and kicked the ball sufficiently (1/2 FG, 9/9 XP). I just thought I’d mention him. Rohan Davey continued to do just enough to wonder why he doesn’t do more. I don’t know what that means, either.

I’m going to argue that San Jose is better than their record, seeing as how they absolutely wrecked Colorado(I was thisclose to writing “crushed,” and then I would’ve had to kill myself), 72-44. For those of you keeping track, that’s a brutal thrashing of Colorado and Tampa Bay, who they ought to whomp on, and a tidy dismissal of Los Angeles, who have comported themselves rather well, J’s opinion notwithstanding. Their only losses are to Chicago by 3, and Georgia by 2 – arguably two of the top 4 teams in the league. So, fight on, you Sabercats; Mark Grieb is still the most highly rated quarterback around, and former Aggie of UC-Davis isn’t going anywhere. He already bombed out of the NFL and XFL.

I have run out of things to say about Bobby Sippio, because even my silly statements are becoming accurate. I’m going to have to crib from Chuck Norris jokes and say that Sippio’s tears cure cancer, and that it’s a shame he’s never cried. Chicago, behind Sippios 6 TD catches, handled Nashville with ease, 66-54. It’s good times when you can bring in your backup quarterback to finish the game in the Arena League. Mostly because the backup quarterbacks are kids who won some radio contest the week before the game.

Neither Dallas nor Utah had any business allowing Columbus or Austin (respectively) to keep their games close, much less lose (in the case of Utah). The Dallas-Columbus game came down to a field goal off of the foot of Todd Sievers for the 53-51 victory to keep Dallas unbeaten. Austin Wranglers QB and notorious miscreant Adrian McPherson stepped up to throw a touchdown pass with 8 seconds left in the game, and Utah’s answer, a 46-yard field goal with time expiring, was wide left.

Georgia and Philadelphia has been discussed at length already, but between Jon Bon Jovi, Jaws, the guy who started Home Depot, an awful lot of scoring, “Harrison” Bergeron (Google it – it’s a funny joke) being a mighty beast who recovers his own stupid fumbles, Wes Ours being used as an enormous bulldozer, and The Mikes actually being vaguely likeable, it was a pretty delightful couple of hours. 57-49, Georgia, to hand Philly its first loss. Much to Bon Jovi’s displeasure.

Meanwhile! Not all is darkness in Tampa Bay! The once-mighty Storm had struggled to start the season, languishing at 0-5, winning the “Most Motor-Skills Challenged of the Week” in… a week that occurred this season, and generally being wretched. But they beat New Orleans, so, good for them. QB Stoney Case has a funny name, and that’s about it, because his contribution was a measly three touchdown passes. That’s some weak sauce, Stoney. Meanwhile, this game featured 8 turnovers, so if you like people not holding on to the ball, this was the game for you.

Holy crap, Las Vegas, can you do anything right? You win the Most Motor-Skills-Challenged of the Week Award for putting up a measly 31 points in a drubbing at the hands of Raymond Phillyaw and Kansas City. Congratulations, go get drunk and make it rain.

I have no other news, really, other than the fact that I tried a new format for the Weekend In Review, and it’s bat guano. Back to a) a timely weekend in review, and b) a format I like next week! Oh, also, it’s the apocalypse here in Chicago, so perhaps that’s affected things. Enjoy the weather, Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea!




One response

11 04 2007
J Fizzle

Dude, F Los Angeles and all that noize. LA knows what I think about it. And if I get really drunk I’m going to kick its ass, starting at Hermosa Beach and not stopping until I get to Pasadena. [Sigh] 2-3… we’re still doing better than Tampa Bay.

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