Infiltrating SportsNation: dropping a deuce on everybody

4 04 2007

SportsNation Official GrampaAt first, it seemed as though ol’ Grampa Gary Horton was going to totally deny your favorite “J-named Editor” in his weekly ESPN SportsNation Scouts Inc. AFL roundup. Despite an early submission of a pair of questions, it seemed as though Gary was hip to our weekly shenanigans and had blacklisted It’s Still Football. Then, much like Columbus, Kansas City, and Dallas, we managed to strike late, as Gary answered both questions one after the other. It was then I remembered that I refer to Gary Horton as Grampa Gary – he can’t be hip to us. He’s old and we are on the Internets. It takes him five minutes to answer a question because he’s hunting and pecking with his forefingers; the reason he’s frowning in his pic isn’t because he’s angry or having a stroke, it’s probably because he’s thinking about the fact this pic will somehow be on the Internet Tubes. ANYWAY, here’s the obvious questions we asked and what Gary had to say:

First, Gary answered my query, cleverly disguised as a question posed by an 80’s punk rocker:

Ramone, NY NY:Is it too early for me to get excited about Rohan Davey?

SportsNation Gary Horton: (4:36 PM ET )I think you have to give him another week or two before you can get excited. I did not think he was very good in this league until last week, and in all honesty he played very well against a good Philly D. But I also think the Soul mailed it in, and his stats may have been inflated. Inconsistency has been his biggest problem thus far and he is a guy who can make mistakes. But he has everything going for him because he has a great group of WRs. And if he can get them the ball, this can become an improving offense. But I just want to see him put two or three good games in row.

Are you ready for us to start incesssantly harping on Rohan Davey for being Rohan Davey? Good. Are you ready for Grampa Gary to write off Rohan Davey like he’s Rohan Davey? Good.

Next comes a more direct question from my usual clever disguise, using my real first initial and actual city of residence:

J (Chicago): Hi Gary~ I’ll be attending the Chicago-Philly game on the 30th. Do you think the Soul will fold like LA did in Chicago this weekend? Seriously, how awesome is this game going to be?

SportsNation Gary Horton: (4:32 PM ET )No I expect that to be a great game between two veteran teams with a lot of pride. I don’t think Chicago or Philadelphia are the types of teams that will fold and I think both have defenses that can control the game but right now I think Philly is playing with a little more emotion than Chicago and that may be because of the pride of staying unbeaten. But I expect that match-up to be one of the best of the year, and as a side note, it will pit Jaws (Philly) vs. Ditka (Chicago) so there are bragging rights involved.

Grampa Gary is continuing his tendency to write off Chicago and praise Philly, even though Chicago killed a decent team and Philly almost lost to New York this past weekend. I actually hadn’t thought of the Ditka-Jaws rivalry, because I’m an idiot. That will be awesome, especially if they decide to suit up for the respective clubs. I would pay at least twice what me and TC are paying for this game to see that.

Which reminds me – TC and I are attending the Chicago-Philly match-up on the 30th, and it will probably result in the greatest pinnacle of AFL journalism that has ever, or will ever, grace this humble blog. If TC doesn’t have a digital camera, I may need to think about investing in one, not out of the question thanks to my NCAA-office-pool-winning-bracket. Provided, of course, I don’t spend it all at the strip club across the street from said office.

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