Judging from the wide variety of Google searches that lead readers to It’s Still Football yesterday, which at 79 total views was our biggest day since opening shop, a few people surfing on The Internets would like to know about the ‘fan intereference’ penalty that happened on Monday night as Orlando hosted Dallas. Previously we provided a brief explanation about the incident as was described in the game’s live-blog, linked to the game recap and video on ESPN, and updated an earlier post with general AFL queries. It’s not enough. You all want more. All approximately 37 of you want more. So here we go. Please note all time measurements are completely fabricated, as I screen-grabbed these from the ESPN video, because I live as a 17th-century serf and I don’t have Tivo.
7:12:14:01 – Dallas Desperados QB Clint Dolezel drops back, sees Willis Marshall streaking towards the corner of the end zone.
7:12:15:38 – As Marshall begins to reach for the ball, Peach Shirt steps on to the wall, either hoping to grab a tasty souvenir, or keep Dallas from taking the lead over Orlando going into the half.
7:12:15:92 – Neither Peach Shirt nor Marshall are able to hang onto the ball; Orlando DB Lin-J Shell (#21) of Jacksonville State is too far from the ball to try for an interception; also, he is trying to remember when a fattish guy in a peach shirt (Peach Shirt) was added to Orlando’s roster.
7:12:16:32 – Peach Shirt begins his graceful fall to the field by flailing his right arm; Shell reaches for the ball. Unknown Wall Defender kicks his feet towards the ball in the hopes he can flip it to Shell, also so he can flex his glutes for the camera.
7:12:16:89 – Peach shirt manages to get his feet under him to stick the landing, and goes for Shell’s helmet, hoping to either celebrate the defended pass or get an even better souvenir – an official AFL helmet.
7:12:17:22 – Peach Shirt, now shamed that his alcoholism has once again led him to public embarrassment, curls in the fetal position in the end-zone. Marshall scolds him harshly, not realizing it’s a disease; DS Micheaux Robinson (#11) of Otterbien College consoles him; Shell stares awkwardly, not knowing what to say.
7:12:33:51 – After a short time-lapse, Peach Shirt regains his composure, rises, and begins to show-boat in the end-zone. Keep in mind that at this point, he has no idea whether he will be thrown out of the game or arrested.
7:12:33:79 – Peach Shirt decides to rid himself of the ball, realizing that it is tainted and will forever remind him of this lowest of lows. Deciding that since there is no ocean to symbolically throw it into, he winds up to throw the ball into the crowd. He sticks out his tongue for added accuracy.
7:12:34:01 – Showing excellent form, Peach Shirt launches the ball into the crowd, which collectively is not ready to accept the spoiled talisman.
7:12:34:43 – As the ball spirals into the crowd, the nearest referee, citing the fact that a play was broken up by a fan that fell onto the field and has been hanging out in the end-zone for fifteen-odd seconds, finally decides to throw a fucking penalty flag.
So there you have it. The ruling was that the down would be replayed, Peach Shirt was able to enjoy the rest of the game (so far as we could tell), and ultimately Dallas overcame the setback of the lost almost-sure TD pass to beat Orlando 70-49.
If you happened to be at this game, or happen to be Peach Shirt’s sponsor, or happen to be Peach Shirt himself (and not passed out in a Senor Frogs), please sound off in the comments section so we can continue to dissect and examine exactly what occurred on Monday night.
Thanks to ESPN, who totally didn’t authorize us to use any of these pics.