8:26 – And that’s it. Game over, Dallas 70, Orlando 49. Good times. Time to take a nap. You want to read the rest? Guess you better jump and start from the bottom.
8:25 – One minute of game time left – and it still isn’t out of the question – until Orlando runs on their first down just to run out the clock.
8:20 – Ha – the Orlando kicker went to the wrong side of the field for the kick off. Pettis takes it back for six. Oops.
8:17 – As the play clock runs out and Orlando tries to get in the end zone, I’m reading ‘Alien trivia on IMDB. Just as I finish the previous sentence, Orlando gets one in to narrow the lead to two scores, 63-49.
8:12 – I don’t think there was anything wrong with the fish I ate for dinner, but I can’t stop thinking about the scene in “Alien” where John Hurt gives birth to a squid.
8:10 – First pick of the night… Dallas goes up by three scores. I feel bad for whoever found this blog today by searching “Orlando Predators” because this one could be done for Squad Other Gruden. Dallas leads 63-42.
8:05 – Dallas pulls out 56-42 as Pettis gets another TD for the night. First ad on the break is for the NCAA Women’s tourney – to give them a fighting chance to get some viewers, they really shouldn’t have it during the Men’s. It’s like having the Lingerie Bowl on the same night as the Super Bowl.
Wow, that looks really sexist. But I can’t change it. This is a live blog, yo.
8:02 – Other Gruden is PISSED that Dallas got the ball back, but he’s able to keep it under control for a quick interview with the Mikes.
8:00 – I love it when fans chant, in one unified voice, ‘bullshit’.
7:56 – Here you go. I hate the ‘Great Wall of China’ guy more than Mussolini.
7:54 – Found this one from last year, which I thought was actually pretty decent.
7:52 – I’m getting really sick of the Arena Football: Road to Glory ad. So much so, I’m going to look for it on YouTube so’s I can embed it.
7:50 – Dallas’ fullback is named ‘Zeus’ – friggin’ sweet. He misses the TD, on the next play Pettis runs it in for his fifth TD of the night. Dallas pulls out 49-42. Did I mention I finally put on pants? Because I totally did.
7:48 – The capers didn’t hatch, so that’s a good sign. The fillet tastes pretty good, if I may say so.
7:45 – Fish is ready. I may not survive.
7:44 – Following a decent ad for the AFL, a Colts NFL Championship ad is cut off after the first two seconds for a Chrysler ad. Sweet. Which also reminds me, I didn’t watch Peyton on SNL over the weekend.
7:42 – Nice TD pass from Shane Stafford to the corner of the end zone. Orlando ties it up, 42-42.
7:39 – ‘Penitentiary’ is impossible to spell without spell check.
7:38 – Orlando takes over on their own 8. I realize I need to do my taxes if I don’t want to take it up the pooper from the feds. Or, to be more precise, the guys in the federal penitentiary.
7:36 – Wait a minute. What the fuck is a caper? They look like peas… but I think they could also be fish eggs. This is going to creep me out.
7:35 – Will Pettis grabs TD pass number four on the evening from Dolezel (is that a Slavic name?) – Dallas goes up 42-35.
7:32 – Maybe the second time I’ve seen a pass interference call – Dallas gets some free yards, Other Gruden gets some free high blood pressure.
7:30 – Dallas starts off with the ball deep in their territory. They get out with a slick little pitch/pass.
7:26 – Fish is in the oven, set to bake with some marinade and capers. Delicious.
7:15 – Todd Sievers misses a FG as time runs out – but it looked good. Replay shows that it is pretty much good. Half time. Time to actually put on pants and maybe throw a fish fillet in the oven.
7:13 – Dallas WR Pettis gets knocked over the wall – almost into a woman leaving for the bathroom. She’s on crutches. On the replay, she looks TERRIFIED.
7:12 – Fan interference – some douche in a peach shirt was standing on the wall broke up the pass and fell onto the field, breaking up a sure TD pass for Dallas – and before I can type it out, one of the Mikes makes a Steve Bartman joke.
7:08 – For the record, I missed the kid in the Green Shirt because I was too busy checking out the wild shark footage on Kissing Suzy Kolber. Woah. The owner of the Predators gave the kid a game ball. This league really does live up to it’s self-proclaimed ‘fan-friendly’ atmosphere. Let’s hope the Rush show me and TC a good time when we check out the Rush versus Philly on April 30th.
7:05 – Orlando punches it through, ties it up at 35. Mike and Mike want to get a kid in a green shirt a football – apparently he got smacked during failed Dallas onside kick, making the ball dead and giving it to Orlando. Dallas has 25.9 seconds to go up by 7.
7:03 – Dallas responds by trying their own onside kick – and also fails.
7:00 – And Dallas scores – major bummer, Orlando. Dallas leads, 35-28.
6:59 – Dallas recovers an attempted onside kick. Bummer, Other Gruden.
6:56 – Orlando ties it up, 28-28. We are officially in a ‘shootout’. I will go get a 10 gallon hat. Is is also probably time for me to put on my track pants like I originally intended to. Also, I live by myself, and for the first time I’m enjoying sitting on my couch in my unda-wears, despite how white trash it makes me feel. My supply of Trader Joe’s ‘Oriental Rice Crackers’ has bottomed out.
6:55 – A kid desperately wants one of the Predators to toss him the ball after a mid-field reception. The player doesn’t hear and walks away. Somewhere an angel has died.
6:50 – In the amount of time it takes me to drink some orange juice and take off my pants, Dallas goes up by a TD, 28-21.
6:44 – Holy shit, it’s Mike and Mike calling this game. I’m pissed. I’d rather have Jaws because I love his child-like enthusiasm, which would be a good compliment to Other Gruden’s child-like haircut, were Jaws actually calling the game and those two things were somehow actually related.
6:42 – Orlando ties it back up as Jaws and Hoge have some conversation about the Hall of Fame.
6:41 – Why does Orlando QB Shane Stafford has his arms wrapped in electrical tape? You don’t know this, but I used that for the last live blog, which hasn’t been published yet.
6:37 – Proof that the AFL is starting to control my thoughts – I was at a Clothery earlier today buying some oh-so-awesome slacks for work, and I passed a rack of Russel workout shirts. I thought to myself: Russel – that’s the official outfitter of the AFL. They’re getting into my head. I fear for my independence as a consumer as Dallas gets in the endzone once again, going up 21-14. And my, don’t those jerseys look swell as they do it.
6:34 – Dallas forces a 4 and out and gets great field position. I recall that it was announced today that Jaws will take over for Joe “Be Sure to Get Plenty of Calcium, Kids” Theissman on actual non-AFL Monday Night Football. I will be very judgmental of Jaws tonight, provided I’m able to tell him apart from Hoge.
6:24 – I get back late and tune in just as Orlando goes up 14-7 – Other Gruden is pleased. Dallas responds by scoring on the first play of their drive, tying it at 14-14. Other Gruden not as pleased.