I’ve been here before!

It’s painfully close to the end of the week, so you know what that means - blogging on company time! All your favorites, from Grampa Gary’s Power Rankngs to Can’t Miss Random Pick and Weekend Pillow Fight await you after the jump:

AFL Power Rankings (Week 11)

1. Philadelphia Soul (9-1) | Previous: 1 | Week 10: Lost to Cleveland 67-55 | Next: at Georgia In a classic trap game at Cleveland, the Soul were upset thanks to a fourth-quarter surge by the Gladiators and an injury to QB Matt D’Orazio. The usually stout Soul defense couldn’t stop QB Raymond Philyaw or a very impressive Gladiators running game. Since I’m sure JBJ and Jaws take great pride in their weekly rankings, they must have sent Gary a delicious ham.

2. Dallas Desperados (8-1) | Previous: 2 | Week 10: Beat Columbus 48-45 | Next: vs. Grand Rapids The Desperados might have still been feeling the affects of their loss in Week 10 with another lackluster performance in a last-second win over struggling Columbus. Neither offense played particularly well, but the Dallas defense got a couple of timely stops that made the difference. Interpretation: barely beat a mediocre team = early departure from playoffs.

3. Chicago Rush (8-2) | Previous: 3 | Week 10: Beat Tampa Bay 51-46 | Next: Bye It wasn’t pretty and they needed to recover an onside kick at the end, but the Rush scratched out a tough win over the Storm. Chicago was led by QB Russ Michna and WR Travis Latendresse and now has a 3½ game lead in their division with a bye week coming up. Yay, homerism!

4. New Orleans VooDoo (7-3) | Previous: 4 | Week 10: Lost to Georgia 66-39 | Next: at Tampa Bay The usually terrific VooDoo defense had an off night versus a good Georgia pass offense that played nearly mistake-free football. New Orleans QB Danny Wimprine also had his own off night with two key interceptions. This was not the team we have seen in recent weeks. Spend too much time reading your press clippings and bad stuff happens. See also: 2007 New England Patriots, 2006 Detroit Tigers, 1948 Thomas Dewey

5. Orlando Predators (7-3) | Previous: 5 | Week 10: Beat San Jose 61-35 | Next: at Cleveland The Predators built a solid halftime lead and coasted to an easy win over visiting San Jose. The offense, under QB Shane Stafford, played well, but the story of the game was the Orlando defense that produced two interceptions and a fumble recovery for three TDs. If there’s one thing Orlando is good at, it’s making me write them off early in the season just to sneak back in

6. New York Dragons (5-4) | Previous: 7 | Week 10: Bye | Next: at Los Angeles The Dragons are the new hot team in the AFL. They are getting excellent production from QB Aaron Garcia behind an improved offensive line. Add in a defense that is young and opportunistic and it’s easy to see how they keep winning. However, they have their work cut out for them with a tough cross-country trip to L.A. To clarify, the trip itself will be harder than the actual game, as LA is La Awful.

7. Cleveland Gladiators (5-4) | Previous: 9 | Week 10: Beat Philadelphia 67-55 | Next: vs. Orlando The Gladiators played their best game of the season, upsetting the best team in the league. They beat Philadelphia using an almost perfect night by QB Raymond Philyaw, a terrific run game, and a good defense that really tightened up late in the game. No-one expects the Bernie Kosar Inquisition.

8. Georgia Force (4-5) | Previous: 10 | Week 10: Beat New Orlando 66-39 | Next: vs. Philadelphia The up-and-down Force pass offense finally put together a complete game behind QB Chris Griesen and dominated a usually great VooDoo defense from start to finish. Georgia’s defense also came up big with two sacks and two key interceptions in a much-needed win. We’re not as impressed by the win so much as we are surprised by the formation of a new city.

9. San Jose SaberCats (5-5) | Previous: 6 | Week 10: Lost to Orlando 61-35 | Next: at Arizona The SaberCats offense couldn’t get anything going for much of the game against Orlando’s defense that cause three turnovers it turned into TDs. It was a tough night for QB Mark Grieb and Co. How far you have slipped, San Jose. Last year I never would have said you stand a good chance of losing to Arizona.

10. Colorado Crush (4-5) | Previous Rank: 11 | Week 10: Beat Grand Rapids 63-28 | Next: at Utah QB John Dutton played a great game in a win over the inconsistent Rampage. Colorado’s defense played its best game of the season, producing five sacks, causing two fumbles, and scoring two defensive TDs. Remember that Family Guy where the tobacco company paid a really ugly girl to hang out with Meg all the time so she’d look more attractive in comparison?  In related news, never tell a significant other you think their friends are hot.

11. Los Angeles Avengers (4-6) | Previous: 14 | Week 10: Beat Arizona 66-59 | Next: vs. New York The Avengers played just enough defense to eke out in a win in the fourth quarter over division-rival Arizona. They got good performances from QB Tom Hicks and WR Timon Marshall. The lead in this game changed 11 times, but L.A. played with more resiliency and focus than in recent weeks. 11 lead changes? Despite LA and Arizona being involved, I daresay this is a game I regret not being able to watch.

12. Tampa Bay (3-6) | Previous: 8 | Week 10: Lost to Chicago 51-46 | Next: vs. New Orleans The Storm played hard, but could not capitalize on scoring opportunities. Plus 14 penalties and an average night by QB Brett Dietz didn’t help their chances to pull off the upset. It’s just about time for the Storm to start their run to the playoffs where they miraculously go on a major winning streak and beat the rich kids from across the lake to get the girl in the end so everything turns out okay.

13. Arizona Rattlers (4-5) | Previous: 12 | Week 10: Lost to Los Angeles 66-59 | Next: vs. San Jose In a tight game that had 11 lead changes, the Rattlers defense couldn’t make enough key plays in the fourth quarter as L.A. scored 28 points and wasted a good game by QB Lang Campbell. The mothers of the Rattlers were quick to remind them that there are millions of children in China that would’ve been thankful for a good game from Lang Campbell, and a good game from Lang Campbell is a terrible thing to waste. The entire squad was then sent to bed without Siaha Burley.

14.Grand Rapids Rampage (3-6) | Previous: 13 | Week 10: Lost to Colorado 62-38 | Next: at Dallas Who are the Rampage? At times they look great, while at other times they are very ordinary. Colorado totally dominated them in all areas and pass protection was a huge problem for the Rampage, who gave up five sacks in a game that was basically over at halftime. Who are the Rampage? They’re a team that’s not playing well enough for me to make a funny joke about the last line of V for Vendetta.

15. Columbus Destroyers (2-7) | Previous: 15 | Week 10: Lost to Dallas 48-45 | Next: at Kansas City Columbus played hard, especially in the first half, and caught Dallas on an off night, but it still wasn’t enough. Columbus’ offense did not have an explosive night while Dallas’ defense made some key late stops and that was the difference. It’s too bad because the Destroyers defense played well enough to win. No offense, but when was the last time the Destroyers offense was explosive?

16. Utah Blaze (1-9) | Previous: 17 | Week 10: Beat Kansas City 67-50 | Next: vs. Colorado The Blaze finally played a decent defensive game to complement their potent offense. QB Joe Germaine threw eight TD passes and the Utah defense had one sack, four tackles for loss, and two fumbles recovered. That’s a recipe for success. Another recipe for success is playing the one team that sucks more than you do.

17. Kansas City Brigade (1- | Previous: 16 | Week 10: Lost to Utah 67-50 | Next: vs. Columbus The Kansas City offense was decent but faced a Utah defense that actually created pressure with sacks and tackles for loss. The other problem was the Brigade couldn’t slow down Blaze QB Joe Germaine. Hey Kansas City, your mom called… SHE SAID DON’T SEND FLOWERS!

CAN’T MISS RANDOM PICK: Damn you, VooDoo! I was firmly attached to your gravy train and you went and laid a goose egg. For spite, and for Brett, we’re taking Tampa Bay over New Orleans. CMRP stands at 7ish and 2ish.

WEEKEND PILLOW FIGHT: I may be visiting the Better Half’s folks in Columbus for Pink Football Momma’s Day Weekend, but that doesn’t change the fact that Columbus and Kansas City are teams that only a mother could love. ZING.

Oooh! It looks like this week’s Monday night game between the Philadephia Soul and the Georgia Force might have a bit of a twist. The incomparable Awful Announcing gets ESPN PR announcements that we don’t even get to think about the concept of getting a sniff of the lingering odor of, and the pertinent one goes a little something-something like this:

ESPN2 will present a special “Live-Wired” telecast of Russell Athletic ESPN Arena Football that will bring viewers into the arena through additional microphones, locker room access, and wall-to-wall action and sound from the AFL matchup between the Philadelphia Soul and Georgia Force Monday, May 12, at 8 p.m. on ESPN2 and in high definition on ESPN2 HD. The game will also be simulcast on ESPN360.com and ESPN Mobile TV.

Analyst Ray Bentley will narrate the game and lead viewers in and out of breaks, timeouts and plays in the red zone, as well as conduct live interviews throughout the telecast. Most of the audio will come from on-field action through commentary from the players, coaches and referees. ESPN2 will utilize sevenseven [sic] microphones total.

I hope sevenseven is 77, not 14. Though it could be 49, I suppose. Or seven #7 microphones, but I think I made those up. BUT I DIGRESS. Ray Bentley - my favorite of this year’s series of (largely) meh announcers - gets to run the show on his own and I feel like he knows when to stay out of the way. As an ex-coach, he actually has a grasp on the rules and strategy, so hopefully, he’ll let the players, refs, and coaches take care of the action of the game, and he’ll be content to break it down for you afterwards.

The bad news? The audio gets dumped every 45 seconds with the ordinary number of mics. I can’t imagine what this is going to sound like with extra microphones and the filthy mouth of, I don’t know, Brandon Register. (Somebody tell me who’s a curser on these teams: I just guessed.) Aaaaaanyway, I’m more than a bit curious as to how this is all going to work out, and it seems to me you’d do well to have a liveblog of this, so let’s plan on meeting in this space Monday night to see the clusterfuck that is us trying to interpret what’s going on in the Open Broadcast of Arena Madness in a live-bloggy sort of format.

[HT: Thanks, Sam for the link to Awful Announcing, who already did most of the heavy lifting]

As often happens in baseball, the Arena League is celebrating your mom with pink striping and stuff on the game balls. Before you get all excited about your front row souveneir seats, they’re not going to be used for standard play, rather for coin toss presentations and kickoffs. The teams will also be sneaking around the stadium, prepared to present mothers in attendance with a mother’s day ball. Seriously - the press release says “Each participating team will present pink balls to unsuspecting mothers in attendance…” (Emphasis mine.)

Perhaps they can get Tony Graziani to participate: “SURPRISE! THANK YOU FOR BEING A QUALITY CAREGIVER TO YOUR OFFSPRING. ENJOY A GAME BALL WITH OUR COMPLIMENTS. WE HOPE TO SEE YOU HERE AGAIN SOON, SUPPORTING THE ARENA FOOTBALL LEAGUE! WAIT,WHERE ARE YOU GOING?”

Because we would be remiss if we didn’t comment:

No, LSU quasi-semi-demi-proto-star Ryan Perrilloux is not going to play for the Grand Rapids Rampage, though they did take a flyer on equally wacky Adrian McPherson earlier this season. And Kansas City’s full to the brim with the meeting-shirking, alleged-drug-doing, bulky Quincy Carter to deal with “character issues” of this poor kid’s caliber. Concievably New York could use him (get away, Rohan Davey!), but who else? Back up Matt Nagy in Columbus? Back up Utah? Shake up LA?

Just go to Jacksonville State, Mr. 60-Million. You could be the best jaguar gamecock* in history**, and if you keep your nose clean, maybe get an education? It’d serve you better than the Arena League would. Not only is Grand Rapids uninterested, it would behoove any professional or semi-professional team to encourage you to make an effort get through college. (See also: the aforementioned Adrian McPherson, as well as Maurice Clarett, and others I can’t think of off the top of my head.) Fantasy College Blitz is more eloquent in their argument, and I mostly un-ironically used “keep your nose clean” two sentences ago, so I’m clearly not to be trusted, but my point and theirs boils down to the somewhat dull “don’t fuck up anymore.” 

*I’m an idiot!

**Anyone care to fact-check this?

[Update: I edited this to sound a little less moronic. Still: Perrilloux, don't be a dumbass. Go back to school, get drafted, make an obscene amount of money, and then when it turns out you can't quite hack it, play for the expansion Las Vegas Excess in 2010.]

Yes, I just steal photos from ArenaFootball.com. What of it? I have a point to make.

Of course, when I’m ready to rant about how ESPN’s grand commitment to the league seems to have fallen off somewhat since the heady days of Mike, Mike, Trey, Jaws, et al. (Were those salad days merely one year ago? How young we once were!), they go ahead and announce that Mike Hohensee and other members of the Rush are going to do a Sportscenter commercial. That doesn’t necessarily take the sting out of the fact that it occasionally appears that certain games are played in poorly-lit caverns with cameras stolen from remote broadcasts of the 1980s. Occasionally, you expect to see Dan Rather show up in a Muhajadeen outfit and explain how badly the Afghans have it against the Red Army. ANYWAY. There’s that. On to what happened over the weekend.

Chicago 51, TAMPA BAY 46

For all but the fourth quarter, this game was as close as the score would indicate. Tied at the half, back-and-forth through most of the third quarter, the Storm and Rush played a tough, reasonably defensive game that began to turn on a fumbled kickoff by the Storm’s Sedrick Robinson, and then  was solidified when, the Chicago defense was able to hold Tampa Bay to a field goal after a late Storm interception of Russ Michna. I’m beginning to come around on this Michna fellow - he’s 5-0 and ran the play-fake-naked-bootleg in the 4th quarter for a touchdown, and that’s the sort of chicanery I personally enjoy. Brett Dietz, after leading a gritty win against Orlando last week managed to keep the Storm in the game, but - as has been the discouraging refrain this season - wasn’t able to get the victory. If we’re starting the playoff watch this week, Tampa’s probably a bit nervous at 3-6, while Chicago’s putting some significant space between themselves and the defending champion Sabercats.

More, after this word from our imaginary sponsor:

Dallas 48, COLUMBUS 45

Feel free to file this game under “W” for “Wait, this game was close? Why?” Dr. Dolezel apparently got comfy in his polo shirt and headset, as he almost managed to quarterback the Desperados to their first two-game losing streak since before he arrived on the scene wreathed in fire, heraldic trumpets proclaiming his glory. Dolezeldid become the all-time leader in yards passing, which would’ve prompted a cheerier celebration (and his own hyperbolic post) if he hadn’t stunk up the joint last week (4 picks), and contracted a little fumbleitis this week. True, Dallas rallied behind his eventually steady hand, but do keep in mind that Columbus - two and seven Columbus - had a chance to tie the game with a field goal as time expired, but Mark Lewis’ effort ricocheted off the post. Peter Martinez, where have you gone? Dallas is still fighting with Philadelphia for the top spot in the division and conference, while Columbus busies themselves with writhing in institutional agony at the bottom of same.

UTAH 67, Kansas City 50

Peter Martinez, you are in Kansas City! And you kicked a 58-yard field goal? Where do you have to stand for something like that? Do you have to leap off the back dasher? I don’t even call my kicker out in Madden for a 58-yarder. Was this a mistake? Was he trying to do the AFL’s version of a punt? Oh, yeah, the Blaze finally won a shootout. Coach/GM Danny White will cheerfully accept all of your credit. What’s odd is that Kansas City’s pass D is statistically one of the better units in the AFL (someone said that somewhere), but that just goes to show… something. I don’t know. Bothof these teams make me want to die a little. But: 58-yards! Tiny uprights! (P.S. Both of these teams likely don’t have to worry about the playoffs.)

LOS ANGELES 66, Arizona 59

The Avengers remain an impossible team to get a reasonable analytical grip on. Tim Hicks’ best move all day was remaining in the pocket while getting sacked by Arizona DB Aric Williams, which apparently is a no-no. Fumble and touchdown overturned, and Los Angeles scores on the salvaged possession. Meanwhile, neither team is more than a game out of the Western Division lead, while being 4-5 and 4-6. Mediocrity, sponsored by Mitsubishi.

COLORADO 63, Grand Rapids 28

Well, this was a beatdown. Grand Rapids secretly lobotomized their offensive line, allowing James MacPherson, Hope of Certain Parts of Michigan, to get sacked approximately one billion times, fumbling on a number of occasions, and generally had his brains blended like a margarita I didn’t have yesterday. This is the same Grand Rapids team that managed to almost break 100 a few weeks ago, right? They weren’t replaced by a rec league team, or my grandmother’s church group, I assume. Colorado, spastically though they’ve played, is stll very much alive for the playoffs, and Grand Rapids is too, I guess, but only because Utah and Kansas City are looking up through the sewer grates subsisting on runoff from the surface world.

GEORGIA 66, New Orleans 39

Oh, phooey. Just when the New Orleans bandwagon was getting exciting, they have to go and stink up the Gwinnett Center. The VooDoo’s usual game plan: cause turnovers, score enough points to win behind Hometown Hero and New York Times Darling Danny Wimprine (22/44, 297 yards, 5TDs, 2INTs). Apparently, they decided to not do that. No fumbles, no interceptions. Chris Griesen can be referred to as “Scrappy” again. Huzzah. It was Georgia’s first division victory all season, and it means that the wholeplace is still relatively up for grabs. New Orleans, at 7-3, is tied for first withOrlando, and if they keep their act together, they have the potential to surprise somebody in the playoffs. Georgia looks to sneak in, but is basically in the heap of 500-ish teams that could collapse to let in a spotty Tampa Bay team or a pretty bad Columbus team. (See Also: New York.)

ORLANDO 61, San Jose 35

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the Orlando Predators, looking like the Predators of yore, beating the ever-loving life out of reportedly good teams. Perhaps their humbling at the hands of their rivals last week was the re-wake-up call they needed, because, dear God, it wasn’t as close as the score would indicate. 2 interceptions from Kenny “The Glove” McEntyre, arguably the best DB in the history of all organized sports, were returned for touchdowns, and they capitalized on a couple of fumbles as well. T.T. Tolliver(and his attitude) continues to rack up yardage at a frightening pace, and basically, that’s enough for the carousel that is Orlando. Orlando’s sitting with New Orleans at the top of the division, and defending champion San Jose’s going to be all right because their entire division doesn’t seem to want to win too many football games, lest they seem greedy.

CLEVELAND 67, Philadelphia 55

In the interest of escaping from this Weekend in Review before we’re all old and gray, I’m going to go ahead and say that we covered this pretty clearly in yesterday’s post. And the post-post analysis seems pretty reasonable, too. Sucks to play a physical game 72 hours after playing a physical game that the league had been hyping. Come out flat, get exhausted by the 4th quarter, everybody’s right! Huzzah! It would’ve been cool if Philadelphia got to 19-0 before New England finished wrangling the copyright to that “phrase,” but c’est levie. Suckers. Philly’s clearly fine, barring some sort of epic collapse, and Cleveland is in that middle section. We could see some terribly disappointed National Conference teams come playoff time.

“Nooooooo, spirit! No, no, no! Hear me! I’m not the man I was! Why show me this,
if I am past all hope?! Tell me that I can change these dreadful shadows
you’ve shown me by an altered life!”

Um, welcome back, Quincy Carter? You and The Bryant Who Can’t Afford A Full First Name can fight it out for the QB spot of the God-awful (sorry, gang, but it’s true) Kansas City Brigade. Maybe they’ll run the option! Wouldn’t that be totally fucking insane! You can tell that the Brigade are anxious for the Quincy Carter Era to begin by their press release. And by “anxious,” I mean, “filled with a deep anxiety.”

Lavonya Quintelle “Quincy” Carter has been no stranger to controversy. He began his NFL career with the Dallas Cowboys and was one of a string of short lived successors to Troy Aikman. He was released by Coach Bill Parcells for a failed drug test. He then played for the New York Jets and Coach Herm Edwards. At that time, ESPN’s Chris Mortenson reported that Carter was being treated for a bipolar disorder. After leading the Jets to the playoffs in 2004, Carter was admitted into drug rehab. At that time, former Jets head coach and current Kansas City Chiefs head coach Herm Edwards said, “”Quincy has done everything and more that was asked of him. He came to work early, stayed late, and exhibited good character the entire time. When Chad Pennington was injured, Quincy stepped into a tough situation. If not for Quincy’s performance during that time, the Jets would not have made the playoffs. After being around Quincy this past year, not only can I say that he is a good football player, but I can also say that he is of good character,” Edwards said.

Phew. Well, I feel much better.

“Man, that’s really the last time I go to Cesars… what? We won? ¡Victoria!” 

Ah, yes, the low-hanging fruit of posting this Far Side picture. In this allegory, Utah’s the door, by the way.

Holy flaming dog-poop! Utah won their pillow fight with Kansas City for their first victory of the season! Success and joy abound, for Coach/GM/Incompetent Buffoon Danny White’s urge to kill is subsiding! I could cover this in the Weekend in Review that tends to go up on Wednesday-or-not-at-all-sorry-about-that, but screw it. 1-9, baby! No zeroes here! All right! Let’s you, me, and our 12,000 friends celebrate.

Wait - 12,208 people saw this game? For real? An 0-9 Utah draws 12,000? What were they giving away, gold bullion? Was it “Full price ticket for the first wife, all extra wives are free” night? (Ah, yes, polygyny jokes in re: Utah. Will you never get old?*)

On the other hand… the completely mysterious Cleveland Gladiators managed to capitalize on smashing Matt D’Orazio’s bones to a fine powder, forcing a somewhat-rusty Tony Graziani into the game. Cleveland… controlled the clock? I mean, it was a relatively low-scoring affair, and the Gladiators got four rushing touchdowns out of Marlon, excuse me, Marlion Jackson, so… presumably… I seriously have no idea what to make of Cleveland. I have to presume that Bernie Kosar now just wears a cape and a zorro mask and hides in shadows, leaping out at unsuspecting owners.

[Ominous voice] No team remains unbeaten. No team remains winless. [/Ominous voice]

As for tonight’s tilt in Tampa between the semi-mighty Chicago Rush and the mostly-spastic Tampa Bay Storm, well, let’s just say our loyalties are divided. On the one hand, a human being who’s been nice to us, which allows us to overlook the fact that it seems that he’s on his back a distressing amount of the time and while he gets his stats, there hasn’t been as much, you know, winning as one might like. On the other hand: blatant homerism! WOO! Our city rocks the hardest! We have deep dish pizza and beef sandwiches and HOLY SHIT: MARIO’S ITALIAN LEMONADE OPENED FOR THE SUMMER LAST WEEK.

[The sound of a chair being flipped over, doors slam, minutes pass]

Where was I? Oh, yes: torn between whatever the opposite of a rock and a hard place is. Here’s the analysis: Tampa Bay hasn’t done well against defensive pressure, which is the only thing Chicago’s consistently shown. If Brett Dietz, the Finnish Flash, can escape from the Rush D, they’ve got a puncher’s chance. Michna’s a good kid, but he doesn’t quite have ice water in the veins yet. You know when you turn on the tap to “cold,” and you run your hand under the stream and say to yourself, “Well, I could drink that, or I could see if there’s anything left in the Brita,” but it’s colder than tepid? That’s what Michna has. Chicago has the defensive edge, and they’re even on offense.

My theory? Chicago pulls out a squeaker, but Tampa Bay gets some sort of moral victory. OR, if the Storm do pull this one out, expect them to go on a second-half run, a la last season.

WHERE IS THE WINDEX?

MOVING IS A TERRIBLE IDEA. SO IS MOVING RIGHT BEFORE ATTENDING THE KENTUCKY DERBY.

Since my ride is picking me up shortly and I have 10 minutes’ worth of internetz access, we’ll forget Grampa Gary this week and just summarize the week thusly:

THE GOOD: Philly, Chicago, New Orleans

THE BAD: Cleveland, Georgia

THE UGLY: Kansas City, Utah, your mom

CMRP: New Orleans over Georgia. Tasty!

WEEKEND PILLOW FIGHT: Kansas City? UTAH? BLARG!

TC may have something cooking for you kiddies - have a great weekend, enjoy the games, and when in the infield at the Derby, always help strangers saran-wrap their friends to portable toilets.

Dear God, grant us the strength to hold this pose for the NY Times photographer.

For anyone interested, the New York Times (”All the News That’s Fit To Print Online Which Technically Isn’t Printing But We Use the Word in the Sense of ‘Publishing’ but Hell if We Change Our Motto”) website is running a front page, above the ‘fold’ (”All the News ah Eff It You Get the Joke”) story about Danny Wimprine and the surging New Orleans VooDoo. Central thesis: Danny Wimprine is a really nice guy (like other AFL QBs we know and love), New York doesn’t have an arena football team so far as they know, New Orleans is still rebuilding (who knew?).

Also, last night’s Game of Unbeatens wasn’t nearly as close as we thought it might be, Philly laid down the smack, beating Dallas 57-28.

Dallas Desperadoes owner Jerry Jones was reached for comment:

Joooooooooooooon [Bon Jovi]!