Monday Night (Arena) Football Liveblog: Philly at Georgia

So, as we’re all well aware, there’s a crazy gimmick for tonight’s MN(A)F game: your announcing crew is… everybody! We’re going to try to document this disaster. My theory: train wreck that a plane crashes on to, the wreckage of which is loaded onto a tanker which runs aground in the Aleutian Islands, and everyone who isn’t eaten by polar bears is picked up by a zeppelin that explodes.

Other analysis: Philadelphia by 17. Georgia has been awkwardly stumbling from game to game on defense, and hasn’t really found a rhythm on offense. Philadelphia is (a) operating like a surgeon and (b) irritated about letting their guard down last week. Let’s see what happens.

We’re also going to try this liveblogging software thing, and if it works, great, if it doesn’t… Sorry, four people.

If you’re interested, do this thing:

Okay, you should be seeing frames, and you’re probably not. Work, dammit! And if it doesn’t end up working, go here: LIVEBLOG!

That was fun. My thoughts, from the end of the liveblog were thusly:
I think we were best served when Ray was commenting by himself. Also, if we could get a more judicious use of the microphones, instead of “Hey, it’s the guys on the field all the time: isn’t that weeeeeeirrrrd?” that’d be great. Stick Ray on the sidelines, because that was cool, but let him talk more.

The game was a solid B+ (Philadelphia played pretty sloppily), and the experiment a B or B-.

No Announcers? This, I Could Get Behind

Oooh! It looks like this week’s Monday night game between the Philadephia Soul and the Georgia Force might have a bit of a twist. The incomparable Awful Announcing gets ESPN PR announcements that we don’t even get to think about the concept of getting a sniff of the lingering odor of, and the pertinent one goes a little something-something like this:

ESPN2 will present a special “Live-Wired” telecast of Russell Athletic ESPN Arena Football that will bring viewers into the arena through additional microphones, locker room access, and wall-to-wall action and sound from the AFL matchup between the Philadelphia Soul and Georgia Force Monday, May 12, at 8 p.m. on ESPN2 and in high definition on ESPN2 HD. The game will also be simulcast on ESPN360.com and ESPN Mobile TV.

Analyst Ray Bentley will narrate the game and lead viewers in and out of breaks, timeouts and plays in the red zone, as well as conduct live interviews throughout the telecast. Most of the audio will come from on-field action through commentary from the players, coaches and referees. ESPN2 will utilize sevenseven [sic] microphones total.

I hope sevenseven is 77, not 14. Though it could be 49, I suppose. Or seven #7 microphones, but I think I made those up. BUT I DIGRESS. Ray Bentley - my favorite of this year’s series of (largely) meh announcers - gets to run the show on his own and I feel like he knows when to stay out of the way. As an ex-coach, he actually has a grasp on the rules and strategy, so hopefully, he’ll let the players, refs, and coaches take care of the action of the game, and he’ll be content to break it down for you afterwards.

The bad news? The audio gets dumped every 45 seconds with the ordinary number of mics. I can’t imagine what this is going to sound like with extra microphones and the filthy mouth of, I don’t know, Brandon Register. (Somebody tell me who’s a curser on these teams: I just guessed.) Aaaaaanyway, I’m more than a bit curious as to how this is all going to work out, and it seems to me you’d do well to have a liveblog of this, so let’s plan on meeting in this space Monday night to see the clusterfuck that is us trying to interpret what’s going on in the Open Broadcast of Arena Madness in a live-bloggy sort of format.

[HT: Thanks, Sam for the link to Awful Announcing, who already did most of the heavy lifting]

Yes, We Know: Ryan Perrilloux Is/Is Not Arena League Bound

Because we would be remiss if we didn’t comment:

No, LSU quasi-semi-demi-proto-star Ryan Perrilloux is not going to play for the Grand Rapids Rampage, though they did take a flyer on equally wacky Adrian McPherson earlier this season. And Kansas City’s full to the brim with the meeting-shirking, alleged-drug-doing, bulky Quincy Carter to deal with “character issues” of this poor kid’s caliber. Concievably New York could use him (get away, Rohan Davey!), but who else? Back up Matt Nagy in Columbus? Back up Utah? Shake up LA?

Just go to Jacksonville State, Mr. 60-Million. You could be the best jaguar gamecock* in history**, and if you keep your nose clean, maybe get an education? It’d serve you better than the Arena League would. Not only is Grand Rapids uninterested, it would behoove any professional or semi-professional team to encourage you to make an effort get through college. (See also: the aforementioned Adrian McPherson, as well as Maurice Clarett, and others I can’t think of off the top of my head.) Fantasy College Blitz is more eloquent in their argument, and I mostly un-ironically used “keep your nose clean” two sentences ago, so I’m clearly not to be trusted, but my point and theirs boils down to the somewhat dull “don’t fuck up anymore.” 

*I’m an idiot!

**Anyone care to fact-check this?

[Update: I edited this to sound a little less moronic. Still: Perrilloux, don't be a dumbass. Go back to school, get drafted, make an obscene amount of money, and then when it turns out you can't quite hack it, play for the expansion Las Vegas Excess in 2010.]

Unbeaten teams! Monday Night (Arena) Football! Point/Counterpoint! Dallas at Philly!

Better stand tall when they’re calling you out. Don’t bend, don’t break baby, don’t back down.

BY FAR THE MOST INTERESTING GAME THIS YEAR…

Two unbeaten football teams… playing each other! The novelty!

APPARENTLY THERE IS SOME SORT OF RIVALRY…

Remember last year when Graziani’s shoulder was separated? And then ESPN played the clip from every conceivable angle five times a game? And what Graziani sounded like when getting blindsided (kind of like a cow being buried under sacks of government-subsidized potatoes)?

DID WE MENTION THESE TEAMS ARE BOTH UNBEATEN?

This is kind of a selling point to snag some viewers tonight (8pm E, ESPN2/ESPN360.com)!

POINT/COUNTERPOINT AFTER THE JUMP!

Even though TC is currently in rehearsal!

Semi-Breaking: Young Hagrid Drafted By Falcons

Commissioner David Baker’s son, Sam Baker, a left tackle late of USC, was drafted on Saturday by the Atlanta Falcons. Prior to 2007, he was projected as possibly a top-10 pick, but, sadly, had an underwhelming 2007 season allowing him to drop to 21. Where the Falcons gleefully snatched him up.

Based on his lineage, you’d expect him to look like this:

or this:

or even this:

You’re close. Main difference: he’s a ginger kid. But, yes, he’s scaaaary.

I heard he put his opponent’s wife’s hand into a jar of acid… at a party.

A Game? Tonight? That’s Important? NO WAY.

Hey, Joe’s moving, and I’m trying to create a cohesive lighting design out of, like, mold and Edison’s first light bulb, and stray electrons that wander into the room, so, generally, we suck, but: WATCH THE DAMN-HELL-ASS GAME TONIGHT! We fully intend to point-counterpoint and whatnot, so, there’s that. But!

Graziani’s hair D’Orazio’s magic back and grit! Dr. Dolezel’s prowess, sexual and otherwise! Will Dallas be pulled offsides by Graziani’s hard count? [Update: No. The bastard still isn't playing. Also, I'm an idiot for not knowing that.] Will Philly’s defense harass the unflappable Professor? (This quarter he tought a course on Playcalling Out of Spite! “You there, Sandy! Run directly at that large angry man!”) Will Will Pettis… hee: I just wrote “Will Will!”

ANYWAY. All these storylines and probably more… TONIGHT! ESPN2!

Oh, P.S. HOLY SHIT THEY’RE BOTH UNDEFEATED! DID YOU KNOW? IT’S FUCKING NUTS! AAAAAH! [Runs around in tiny circles.]

Repeating Unsubstantiated Rumours: NFL Developmental League Edition

Is John Elway looking at… THE FUTURE?

ITOLDYOUSOVILLE, Illinois - On Friday, we somewhat gleefully noted the passing of NFL Europa, but as it turns out, we did so for mostly the wrong reasons. I dismissed the possibility of the AFL assuming the role of NFL Developmental League with two sentences, and moved on to my pet theory, which is that a larger pool of decent players means more decent teams, the conferences can even out, and the AFL can institute promotion and relegation with af2. Which I mostly argue for because of the comedic possibilites.

BUT!

John Elway may disagree. According to Pro Football Talk.com, the Colorado Crush owner (and, of course, NFL Hall of Famer) is in favor of the former idea. The rumor, picked up by AOL’s Fanhouse, and posted on the first page of ArenaFan.com has been denied furiously by Chris McCloskey in all venues. If he comes across us, I just want it to be known that I think Mr. McCloskey seems to be a charming, intelligent fellow, and I’m sure is extremely virile. Please don’t yell at me, Mr. McCloskey - we just make fun of things. 

That said, it’s quite the interesting proposition, and one that I’m not sure I’m entirely fond of. While it’d be nice to have further legitimacy granted to the league by an official association with the NFL, the implicit reason I dismissed the idea out of hand in the previous post still applies: what would be the point? The compromises that the AFL would have to make in terms of play would likely be ill-recieved by the fans, and would certainly eliminate most - if not all - of what makes the game unique. Certainly some sort of alliance with the NFL and NFLPA would bring in some additional revenue, but would likely marginalize the league further. The viability of the AFL teams in cities like Dallas and Chicago, where the NFL teams are sacrosanct is due to the fact that the Desperados and Rush play in the offseason, where Chicagoans and Dallas…ians… are in need of a football fix. If the season moves to a position in the fall concurrent with the NFL in order to reduce the conflicts with offseason training regimens, as Pro Football Talk suggests, that slaps a death sentence on the AFL teams playing in major metropolitan areas. And, if Elway is concerned about the profitibility of teams like his Crush - again, as Pro Football Talk suggests - it doesn’t seem that turning the AFL into just another league playing middling football is the most logical course of action.

The even more curious portion of the rumours  involves the unseating of current half-giant Arena League Commissioner David Baker. They suggest it’s a power play on Elway’s part, but I don’t see the sense in it. I’m open to having it explained to me, but unless there’s more backroom acrimony that meets the eye, it seems that Elway would be better served by working with Baker rather than unseating him. The successful implementation of free substitution doesn’t seem to have brought the walls of the Wachovia Center crumbling down, and Baker was on board with that. It doesn’t appear that much would be gained by staging a coup, other than just showing that he could.

See? Baker’s HUMONGOUS.

Our Mission Statement, as Spoken by Jaws

As has been made abundantly clear, we here at It’s Still Football had little-to-no exposure to the madness that is Arena Football before taking up the mantle of Premiere Arena Football Blog this season. The best reason we could come up with for engaging in this flight of fancy was “Hey, it’s still football…” This sentiment has been echoed (and given legitimacy?) by Ron ”Jaws” Jaworski, Our Patron Saint For Now, in the USA Today, thusly:

“Jaworski understands that while the league features gimmicks that might offend a purist, it’s still football.”

Hey! That’s our name! And, it may not be a direct quote from Jaws, but I’m going to pretend it is. Hey, Jaws! Read our blog! It’s called what you said!

Anyway, the USA Today (Motto: ”HEY, AMERICA! LOOK! GRAPHS! COLORS! SHINY! I LOVE LAMP!”) threw down an article suggesting that Arena Football could be America’s 5th Major Sport. They published this article up about two weeks ago, so, once again, we have our finger firmly on the pulse of something else … ladies …  Anyhoo, the AFL slides in behind For-Reals Football, Baseball, Basketball, and Hockey. Setting aside for a moment my own personal torch-carrying for hockey, allow me to say: that sounds reasonable. Really. I make The Fun, but the AFL is competing for the Quint Spot with, what, soccer? Golf? The MLS is crazy popular in Chicago (Polish and Spanish-speakers love the Fire), as well as Los Angeles (two teams, no waiting, one of whom has David Beckham), but it’s not really taking hold with RV-Driving, 2nd-Amendment-Loving, Terrorist-Hunting Random Americans. And the PGA captures the imagination of people dozing off on the couch 4 Sundays out of the year. So, really the question ought to be “Are there 5 major sports in America?” For that matter, are there 4 major sports in America? Hockey may have been demoted to Mid-Major sports, where I contend the PGA, MLS, AFL, minor-league baseball and WNBA currently reside, and that which Major League Lacrosse, the NBDL, professional softball, and, I don’t know, Pro Bowling or Full-Contact Jai Alai aspire to join.

We’re going to figure out how popular the AFL actually is in Chicago on Monday, as we venture to Allstate Arena (which I’m going to call the Rosemont Horizon, just like I force references to Comiskey Park, the Oriental Theatre, and Weeghman Park.) to see the Rush take on the Asspirates Buttpirates Soul. Hopefully, we’ll come away with a souvenir, and maybe take a picture with Jaws. Who, it occurs to me now, will have been in New York for the NFL Draft, so if he shows up to his team’s away game, I’ll be decently surprised.

This post kind of got away from me, so if you got this far through my stream-of-consciousness rambling, congratulations. Buy yourself a cookie or something. Treat yourself.

Full disclosure, vis a vis “Premiere Arena Football Blog” status: we’re also the sole Arena Football Blog, as far as I can tell. AOL Fan-Heezy (can I say “heezy”?) has two posts tagged under “Arena Football.” Disquietingly, we’re not really showing up when you google Arena Football Blog. So… if you’ll pardon me for a second:

Arena Football Blog Arena Football Blog google Arena Football Blog Arena Football Blog Google Arena Football Blog Arena Football Blog GOOGLE Arena Football Blog Arena Football Blog Arena Football Blog.

There.

We’re Journalists! (Not Really)

Once again, we’re wading into the wilds of SportsNation to deliver the hard-hitting investigative reporting you’d expect from two guys who don’t really know all that much about the Arena League, but know quite a lot about smart-assery. LA Avengers QB Sonny Cumbie (3:30 EDT) and Chicago Rush QB Matt D’Orazio (4:00 EDT) were the recipients of our vigorous journalizing.

Questions that were not addressed included, to Mr. Cumbie: “I’m hoping you can settle a bet: what exactly is the Avengers logo? My friend says it’s a Spartan-thing, but I think it’s a pterodactyl,” and to Mr. D’Orazio: “Have you tried any of Ditka’s wine?” However, I would say we were pretty successful, overall, and I hope it’s as informative to you as it was to us.

Live-blogging Dallas at Orlando

8:26 - And that’s it. Game over, Dallas 70, Orlando 49. Good times. Time to take a nap. You want to read the rest? Guess you better jump and start from the bottom.