Unbeaten teams! Monday Night (Arena) Football! Point/Counterpoint! Dallas at Philly!

Better stand tall when they’re calling you out. Don’t bend, don’t break baby, don’t back down.

BY FAR THE MOST INTERESTING GAME THIS YEAR…

Two unbeaten football teams… playing each other! The novelty!

APPARENTLY THERE IS SOME SORT OF RIVALRY…

Remember last year when Graziani’s shoulder was separated? And then ESPN played the clip from every conceivable angle five times a game? And what Graziani sounded like when getting blindsided (kind of like a cow being buried under sacks of government-subsidized potatoes)?

DID WE MENTION THESE TEAMS ARE BOTH UNBEATEN?

This is kind of a selling point to snag some viewers tonight (8pm E, ESPN2/ESPN360.com)!

POINT/COUNTERPOINT AFTER THE JUMP!

Even though TC is currently in rehearsal!

The Official ISF Arena Bowl XXI Playoff Bracket (Wildcard round not included)

Someone on the Googles has been looking for it. ISF is proud to deliver: The Official “It’s Still Football” Crap-Tacular AFL Playoff Bracket!

Click above to print it off! Start an office pool! Impress your friends! The Official “It’s Still Football” Crap-Tacular AFL Playoff Bracket features several lines, many letters of text, and four, count ‘em, four poorly-edited photos of varying digital quality! The Official “It’s Still Football” Crap-Tacular AFL Playoff Bracket will guide you through all seven games remaining in the 2007 season, right up to the moment John Elway stages his coup and re-brands the AFL as NFL Junior (TM)*.

Believe it or not, as crap-tacular as this bracket is, the amount of time I put into making it was equal to three viewings of Any Given Sunday, which translates into one viewing of a Cleveland Indians game with Betancourt on the mound, or one-half viewing of a NASCAR “race”. So, you know, enjoy the crap-tacular-ness.

*John Elway staging a coup to rebrand the AFL into the NFL Junior (TM) is nothing but Unsubstantiated Gossip (TM).

The Wild Card games: reportedly they will be ‘wild’

Likewise your other co-editor needs to apologize for a lack of activity around here heading into the playoffs. I blame a very busy work week/weekend capped off by a mid-week trip to San Diego - which ended with yours truly waking up at 5:30 to catch a flight, which would have been a painless venture had I not woken up drunk and naked with cartoons blaring from the television. Needless to say, the AFL ranks a little lower on the Priority Ladder than trying to not be drunk and naked in San Diego.

Anyhow, we have four games this weekend - exciting match ups between teams that limped through the regular season, playing somewhere between “acceptably decent” and “somewhat reminiscent of slightly more than mediocre”.

ESPN is likewise so excited for the weekend’s games that in addition to Monday Night (Arena) Football on ESPN2 (Utah vs. Los Angeles), Philly versus Orlando is on ESPN Friday night, and Saturday’s action is the afternoon lineup on ESPN. You can also catch the games on tape delay on ESPN at 2am if you’re not in the mood to spend the first weekend of July indoors. Looks like I’m dusting off the ol’ VCR.

FRIDAY: ORLANDO vs PHILADELPHIA

Squads JBJ and Other Gruden only squared off once this season, but when they did, Orlando was rolled up like an illegal substance and smoked by Philly, courtesy of a non-mangled Tony Graziani, who led the Soul to a 63-49 victory. Why is this important, you ask? Because it was last week. PREDICTION: Philly advances, we lose our Other Gruden jokes for the rest of the year.

SATURDAY: COLUMBUS AT TAMPA BAY

By the numbers, these teams are on the same level. Take into account the glory and majesty of Turku Trojans veteran Brett Dietz, who led the Storm to an 8-1 record since suiting up (including a win over Philly), and what we have to look forward to is a good ol’ fashion beat down. PREDICTION: Dietz’ first game was against Columbus, a narrow win of 34-32.  This one will not be that close.

COLORADO AT KANSAS CITY

Raymond “SillyName” Philyaw won 4 of the Brigade’s last 5 games of the season - but the final game was a crushing loss at the hands of the Chicago Rush. Regardless, KC has the home field advantage (they routinely draw more fans than the Royals)(I have no idea if that is actually true, but it wouldn’t surprise me) and Colorado is on a 4-game skid. PREDICTION: Colorado beat Kansas City both times they met in the regular season, but it was by margins of 4 and 3 points. Saturday’s W is going to the home team.

MONDAY: UTAH AT LOS ANGELES

When the dust settles from this shootout, it’s altogether possible that the game will be decided by whoever scores last (insert your own “bad at scoring”/”mediocre at sex”/”AFL < NFL when it comes to picking up strippers” joke here). While Exploding Peep Head Joe Germaine has had flashes of brilliance for Utah, LA has had better luck staying in close games, even though LA lost 47-37 to Utah last week. PREDICTION: This one kind of beats the hell out of me. Grandpa Gary says Utah. Works for me.

Also, it looks like TC and I may attend Arena Bowl XXI after all. We’ll keep you updated on how we do, as this would make the best use of our “the worst idea ever” tag to date. Even worse than trying to catch a flight out of San Diego while drunk and naked.

Week 17: Yes, the regular season is over

Wow. This is it. This is the end of the regular 2007 season of the AFL.

We’ve had laughter. We’ve had tears.

I’d go more in depth at the present moment, but (not to bitch about non-AFL trivialities such as work) I need to seriously get back to work - two nights with an extra four hours at the office, any my boss just totally caught me in the act of starting this draft. Sorry, Boss. At least I’m not across the street at the strip club [Ed. note for new readers: there is a strip club across the street from my office. I can see it from the window. Sometimes when I leave work late, there are women in minivans co-opting our parking lot like vagrants in an ATM vestibule, scowling, waiting for some poor dumb putz to wander out in a lusty-seedy haze to get slapped with a palm and divorce papers. It's fantastic. Fantastically depressing].

Before we jump into it, note that there are four teams that could get two playoff spots this week, and the various scenarios are batshit insane. By the way, I never thought I’d write this, but if Columbus wins their final game, they will clinch a spot in the playoffs. Amazing.

LAST-EVER REGULAR SEASON CMRP: Tampa Bay and Austin. Do you think I’ll go with Team Brett Dietz? Does the Pope shit in the woods? Tampa Bay 72, Austin 45. CMRP hopes to finish the season with a playoff-worthy record of 9-6.

WEEKEND PILLOW FIGHT: Nashville and Grand Rapids. Should be a piece of cake for the Kats to win and clinch a playoff berth, right? Sure, except that last week Nashville QB Jeff Pole Smoker was benched after missing team meetings. Let’s hope Jeff pulls his head out of his ass and gets the W for Nashville, because we’d love to have a few more weeks to call Jeff Pole Smoker “Jeff Pole Smoker”.

Lastly, as an apology for missing my promised weekend coverage and in anticipation of not being able to deliver this weekend (Lumberg’s gonna make me work this weekend, I can feel it), please enjoy this picture of Peyton Manning looking delightfully uncomfortable with having his photo taken with an underaged member of the opposite sex.

Can’t Miss Random Pick… Party…

Let me explain something before we get into last weekend’s AFL action. I have an hour and twenty minutes before I head out on vacation, and - aside from wrapping up that mascot post - I’ve had to spend my day making sure the Bankingdrome wouldn’t collapse in my absence. I swear to God, I might come back to find everyone dead of forgetting to breathe. I’d celebrate for days. I’ve already made it abundantly clear that the only way I’ll take their calls or answer their e-mail is if I’m in some altered state, and then I’ll probably tell them to do something anatomically unlikely. But, because there’s something wrong with me, I’m still compelled to make sure everyone knows how to fax things for themselves and what number to call if their game of “Why are you hitting yourself?” turns tragic. Plus, making sure they have all their marketing materials is critical. These are the people who requested I print out the sum total of our marketing material for easy access. It was on the Internet, organized by category. It doesn’t get any more convenient than that. But, now we have a large black binder with out-of-date advertising flyers. So, there are piles of things for them to assemble. I hope they get papercuts and forget to clot.

That being said, Week 16, as I whistle the theme from The Great Escape:

Preview for Monday Night (Arena) Football: Chicago at Colorado

First off, my bad. I promised everyone a weekend post, and I totally failed. I spent Saturday at graduation ceremonies and playing softball in Grant Park (I turned a single into a super-scrappy double and may have sent a diminutive female 2nd baseman onto her ass, but she was totally standing on the bag), and that evening passed out as the stomach virus that incapacitated me Sunday totally destroyed my will to live, let alone my will to blog.

Though it has been quite difficult, I’ve managed to keep myself in an AFL media blackout, and Scout’s honor, tonight I’ll put together CMRP, Pillow Fight, and perhaps some quick Power Rankings, which I’ll then be able to immediately report on after posting.

What I won’t do tonight is watch Chicago at Colorado. They’re both in the playoffs, they’re both playing mediocre (which is quite the feat in the AFL, let me tell you), and frankly I’d rather clean my apartment and watch some Monday Night (Professional) Baseball, even if it is Boston and Atlanta.

Fine. I might tune in for a second or two, but only to see Sippio’s bright smiling face.

Also coming soon: a ton of shout-outs and the addition of a BLOG ROLL! What is a blog roll, you ask? We have no fucking idea either, but all the cool kids are doing it.

[Edited to add: I have no excuses. -TC]

Wait, Playoffs? Really? Now? How Many Teams Make It? What?

It feels like we’ve been jabbering about teams’ chances in the playoffs for weeks and weeks and weeks. That’s probably because it’s an easy cover-up for us not really knowing what we’re talking about. But now, we’re almost there! I didn’t even know how many teams made the playoffs in each conference until J and I had a too-lengthy phone conversation about it last week, and realized we had no idea. (Oh, the answer? 6.)

Breaking it down, after the thing.

Arena Bowl XXI tickets!

You can’t have any!

If you had planned on heading down to the Big Easy for Arena Bowl XXI (Official Motto: Holy Shit, We’ve Been Doing This For 21 Years?), the game is sold out, the first-ever for a neutral-site (AFL) championship game.

If you had your heart set on attending, it’s time to get your ass on the Ebays. I think TC and I will sit this one out, unless, of course, the AFLWA decides to sponsor us and set us up with a fat expense account to cover late night pizza orders needed to supplement heavy tequila drinking sessions with loose women and on-duty cops.

Yeah, we’ll be watching on ABC like everyone else.

BrettDietzBrettDietzBrettDietz

Brett Dietz.

Brett Dietz.

Brett Dietz.

Week 15 Power Rankings, CMRP, and Weekend Pillow Fight (with beer)

In the interest of brevity, we’ll just get right to it. Especially because quitting time is in 29 minutes and damn if I’m sticking around here any longer than necessary. This week’s Beer-Themed Power Rankings are brought to you by Alcoholism, right after the jump: