Unbeaten teams! Monday Night (Arena) Football! Point/Counterpoint! Dallas at Philly!

Better stand tall when they’re calling you out. Don’t bend, don’t break baby, don’t back down.

BY FAR THE MOST INTERESTING GAME THIS YEAR…

Two unbeaten football teams… playing each other! The novelty!

APPARENTLY THERE IS SOME SORT OF RIVALRY…

Remember last year when Graziani’s shoulder was separated? And then ESPN played the clip from every conceivable angle five times a game? And what Graziani sounded like when getting blindsided (kind of like a cow being buried under sacks of government-subsidized potatoes)?

DID WE MENTION THESE TEAMS ARE BOTH UNBEATEN?

This is kind of a selling point to snag some viewers tonight (8pm E, ESPN2/ESPN360.com)!

POINT/COUNTERPOINT AFTER THE JUMP!

Even though TC is currently in rehearsal!

Chicago Rush corkscrew themselves

That’s right, you heard it here first, where we heard it somewhere else: Paul Edinger, former kicker of the Chicago Bears from 2000-2004 and the Minnesota Vikings in 2005, has corkscrewed himself and his back-asswards kicking style into a 3-year contract with the Rush.

Let’s hope he gets a warmer welcome home than he did prior to shanking this field goal attempt with the Vikes at Soldier Field.

Just in case you were curious (and we know you were), season tickets are totally still available, starting at $68.

It’s Still Football Needs Your Input!

 
If you want to get technical, the newsies depicted weren’t members of the press.

As was implied yesterday, Joe and I will be hopping in either my private jet* or his luxury yacht** and heading to New Orleans for Super Arena Bowl XXI. (That strikethrough - awkward) That’s not the exciting news, though. The exciting news is that, as part of the AFL’s “Blog of a Lifetime” Hyperbolically Named Contest, your acerbic servants will be bona fide, accredited, members of the press corps. Eat your hearts out, Medill grads! With our unparallelled access access parallelled only by legitimate news agencies, we want to provide you, the fan (or otherwise curious party), with information you can use. To that end, we plan on passing along anything interesting from the press kit, as well as random-ass interviews with whoever we can get our hands on. Extra P wants us to interview the fans. Done and done. We’re more than open to ideas, and while we don’t necessarily want to make the Arena League Powers That Be regret giving bloggers press credentials, we’re willing to make as much trouble as we can get away with.

In order to blend in with the rest of the ink-stained wretches, we’re going to buy our fedoras, wear our ill-fitting suits, and correspond as often as we are able. Hopefully, we’ll be remarkably drunk during some of it.

Our to do list, as of lunchtime today:

• Meet Commissioner Hagrid. Take picture of me being dwarfed by him. Perhaps have him palm my head. Then ask penetrating questions, perhaps pertaining to NFL Europe’s demise and the AFL’s relationship to the NFL. Discover whether or not he’s afraid of the Elway Coup.
• See Styx. Seriously. They’re the entertainment on Saturday night. My friends and I called information one time and asked for “Tommy Shaw of Styx fame,” because we lived in the same suburb. Information hung up on us.
• Go to/perhaps enroll Joe in the AFL combine. Interview hopefuls. Hopefully they will have entourages. I couldn’t figure out what the plural of “posse” is. They all looked wrong.
• Talk to the Mikes. See what they’re really like. Follow them, while humming theme from The Odd Couple.
• Drink.
• There’s a 5AM tailgate. J wants to go in PJs. 
• Ask funny questions in the press conferences that we’re allowed and encouraged to go to submitted by readers.
• Hang out in the media’s hospitality suite and try to converse with foreign journalists.

That’s all we have for right now, as I recall. We have a week and change to make our plans. I’m giddy.

*2003 Ford Focus
**200X Oldsmobile Intriuge

The Official ISF Arena Bowl XXI Playoff Bracket (Wildcard round not included)

Someone on the Googles has been looking for it. ISF is proud to deliver: The Official “It’s Still Football” Crap-Tacular AFL Playoff Bracket!

Click above to print it off! Start an office pool! Impress your friends! The Official “It’s Still Football” Crap-Tacular AFL Playoff Bracket features several lines, many letters of text, and four, count ‘em, four poorly-edited photos of varying digital quality! The Official “It’s Still Football” Crap-Tacular AFL Playoff Bracket will guide you through all seven games remaining in the 2007 season, right up to the moment John Elway stages his coup and re-brands the AFL as NFL Junior (TM)*.

Believe it or not, as crap-tacular as this bracket is, the amount of time I put into making it was equal to three viewings of Any Given Sunday, which translates into one viewing of a Cleveland Indians game with Betancourt on the mound, or one-half viewing of a NASCAR “race”. So, you know, enjoy the crap-tacular-ness.

*John Elway staging a coup to rebrand the AFL into the NFL Junior (TM) is nothing but Unsubstantiated Gossip (TM).

Breaking: Ladies(…) Not Repulsed By Arena Football

This morning, I woke up to two exciting things: first, a family of rabid wolverines has taken up residence in my throat and they’ve decided to renovate using pointed sticks. Second, the Ladies… Hot Blogger Bracket is out, and your esteemed editors are in! And seeded rather favorably, I might add!

J said, “considering I submitted kind of a weak post, and my pic makes me look vaguely like a serial killer or at least big D&D fanatic, I’m thrilled to be in,” which I think is being a little hard on himself. I think he was criminally underseeded, and I’m criminally overseeded, but that’s neither here nor there. I think I got bonus points for using my picture as Einstein in Picasso at the Lapin Agile.

I’m in the Region of Death - it’s insane. I almost listed and linked the dozen people in that region that I’m terrified of, but I figured that wouldn’t be sporting. Or something. Joe’s in an equally dangerous region, but I don’t feel like it’s quite as stacked.

So, yeah, vote for us! You can read other reasons why you should do so in the post where we compared ourselves to James K. Polk. Where, oddly, J Fizzle also references D&D. Hm… What level elf mage are you, sir? Also, for your enjoyment, after the jump, our entry e-mail.

Week 14 CMRP + Weekend Pillow Fight

UPDATE: TC’s canuck-inspired post is way funnier than this, so I’ll put a break right at the top so you can still see his. Oh, we loves us our Shaun King!

Week 13 Power Rankings, CMRP, and Weekend Pillow Fight

Once again, it is time for your ISF team to break down the weekly power rankings from Scouts, Inc. and insert our bold-faced wit and wisdom; also we’ll lay out the Pillow Fight of the Week, and see if Randomness can prevail and get back to a .500 record, all after the jump:

(Ed. note: prior to the jump we will completely ignore the fact we totally jinxed “American Idol” and ruined someone’s life who’s only crime was having a non-sanctioned fan site that commented on an AFL blog) 

Wiki-Worthy: Chris Conlin

In this semi-regular series, we shall examine someone affiliated with the Arena Football League who meets Wikipedia’s strict standards for inclusion, and then attempt to either elaborate on the entry or make a joke about their alma mater or arrest record. Today, MIA former Arizona Rattlers Line Coach Chris “Bucky” Conlin.   

BREAKING! ADRIAN McPHERSON CUT BY AUSTIN WRANGLERS

McPHERSON “WAIVED” BY FOOTBALL-CESSPOOL AUSTIN WRANGLERS; EYEING OPEN QB SLOTS IN TAMPA BAY - BOTH AFL AND NFL, ‘CAUSE PRIMARY GRUDEN LOVES QBs AND TRENT GREEN IS TAKING HIS SWEET-ASS TIME

It figures. We were just about to slap the ‘Byron Leftwich 2.0′ tag on McPherson and he gets sent to the land of Shaun King. Only this time, you heard about it here first-ish. From our friends (we actually have no idea)(if they’re aware of us they probably hate us) at ArenaFanOnline:

“We felt like a change was needed at this point in the season,” said Wranglers General Manager Glyn Milburn. “This was a difficult decision, but we think this choice gives us the best chance to win and earn a spot in the post-season.”

Let us put this in perspective for everyone:

The Austin Wranglers : AFL :: The Oakland Raiders : NFL

The Austin Wranglers : an AFL playoff bid in 2007 :: Paris Hilton : free of gonorrhea

Ah well, Adrian. We wish you the best of luck. Say ‘hi’ to Shaun for us. Try not to get trampled by Trigger on the way out.

UPDATE: McPherson’s been re-signed!

Week 10 Power Rankings, CMRP, and Weekend Pillow Fight

Once again, it is time for your favorite Fizzle’d editor to take Scouts Inc.’s weekly AFL power rankings and be a total wise-ass. Also, we have a fresh Can’t Miss Random Pick that could put us to the 5-4 mark, and one hell of a Pillow Fight to look forward to. If you’re one of our (currently) four regular readers, now is the time to take the jump.