Note: What follows is possibly the worst thing I’ve written since Young Authors in 5th Grade. (I wrote a parody of Danger Mouse. Does anyone else remember that cartoon?)
Mind you, there are nine and a half minutes left in the opening quarter of the earlier of today’s two conference championship games, and this is when I’m spurred to put something down on the Internet. When I have a matinée to get to by 1:00. Suffice it to say, we’re not going to New Orleans this year. Though there’s going to be a live-blog, with God as my witness. You know who else isn’t going to New Orleans? The Rush. Also the Desperados. Because they got blown up by 6-seeds. The AFL – It’s Total Nonsense!
Oh, dear me, Raymond Philyaw just got Cleveland within 1 by continuing to play out of his mind. He threw his first interception of the playoffs earlier in the quarter, and just allowed himself to get a faceful of defensive lineman after lofting a perfect ball to the corner of the end zone for Amey (is a girl’s name). Which seems like as good a start as any for Quick Notes On the Playoffs. Raymond Philyaw is the single biggest reason that Cleveland could shock the world.
They probably won’t, because Philadelphia is in really good shape, health-wise, and skill-wise. Though they almost lost to New York, so I clearly know nothing.
GRAND RAPIDS? REALLY? Grand friggin’ Rapids? Is this because I made fun of them in my season preview? Because I’ll admit that we didn’t know which team would show up from week to week, and were equally confused by their 91-point games as by their 31-point games.
Oh, look! Instantaneous zoetrope examination for correct officiating on the field of play! The current Chris Jackson touchdown catch is under review (and was ruled an incompletion – BOO), but the decision to add instant replay mid-season has already paid monstrous dividends, getting the call right at the end of last week’s New York/Philly tilt. Hear that baseball? You have the technology, you can rebuild him. (“Him” being “your umpiring crew’s credibility.”)
Hey, look: San Jose is quietly marching to the Virgin Mitsubishi Daiquiri Arena Bowl Presented by Ambien or something. The least-flashy team might actually defend their championship? I kind of like that. I also hope they beat the tar out of the Rampage. Sorry, Rampage fans. But my God, your inconsistency makes last year’s Columbus run look positively steady-hand-on-the-tiller’ed.
It’s the Celebrity-Owned Conference Championship vs. the “Who Owns This Team?” Conference Championship. Where’s Bon Jovi and Jaworski, anyway?
Other stuff we missed: EVERYTHING. Hey, my dentist-in-training co-editor, do you have any idea why we suddenly got remarkably bored with crafting clever bon mots in the interest of silly indoor playoff foot-balls?
Happy Conference Championships, everybody! (Picks: Philadelphia, San Jose.)
P.S. Shaun King just made fun of himself getting killed as a Las Vegas Gladiator. Classy! Self-deprecating! Also, Raymond Sillyname apparently was a house guest of Bernie Kosar in the offseason. Quickly! Who’s a good scriptwriter? I have a pitch!
This ArenaBowl is brought to you by the letters M, V, and the number 7
23 07 2008This'll learn us some maths!
Okay. The ArenaBowl is nearly upon us. As compared to last season’s painfully in-depth playoff coverage, due to a multitude of boring excuses we’ve done little to guide you through this year’s harrowing journey of [checking ESPN] Philadelphia and San Jose to New Orleans for ArenaBowl XXII.
How are we going to make it up to you?
With some sweet DVD giveaways, THAT’S HOW.
For whatever reason [most likely: we run a sports blog; least likely: our leather-bound books and odors of rich mahogany], we were recently contacted by some fine folks who offered us FIVE COPIES of the hotly anticipated Sesame Street sporting spectacular DVD “COUNT ON SPORTS”.
Want a copy? Leave a comment with your prediction of who will be the victor of Arena Bowl XXII for your chance to bring home the bacon, in Sesame Street DVD form.
Check back this weekend for an ARENA BOWL XXII LIVE BLOG, and coming soon, a LITERARY REVIEW OF SAID SESAME STREET DVD.
Don’t even act like we don’t love you. Now put a wager in the comments. We’ll draw winners at random if there’s more than five folks calling the game. Voting stops at kickoff.
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Categories : ArenaBowl XXII, Commenters... IN DIRECT COMPETITION, JM, Philadelphia Soul, San Jose SaberCats, Seriously: SESAME STREET!, We're Easily Distracted, arena football