Brett Dietz contract: the INSIDE SCOOP

Not a moment too soon, Tampa Bay resigned Co-Rookie of the Year, and Generally Very Good at Throwing Oblong Objects, QB Brett Dietz to a three year contract. Rumored to be worth about 250,000 total clams, there are also rumored to be certain incentives in Dietz’s new deal. Directly from his contract:

“Also, in addition to monies promised to Brett Dietz over his three years, Brett Dietz is eligible for these additional incentives should Brett Dietz accomplish the following:

1. If Brett Dietz leads the Storm to an Arena Bowl victory, a statue of Brett Dietz as Zeus hurling lightning bolts shall be commissioned and affixed to the roof of St. Pete Times Forum.
2. Whenever Brett Dietz scores a stylish running touchdown, Coach/GM Tim Marcum will invite Brett Dietz to his home so they can fraudulently send pizzas and hookers to Ron Jaworski.
3. For every passing yard completed by Brett Dietz, Brett Dietz will be awarded a ticket. At the end of the season, Brett Dietz can exchange said tickets for a variety of prizes, including, but not limited to, Ring Pops, Nintendo GameBoy cartridges, and a new Schwinn bicycle.”

For the record, if Brett Dietz scores a Flutie-esqe drop-kick field goal, you will see pictures here of me doing whatever Brett Dietz wants JM to do on the interwebs.

Hopefully it’s something along the lines of ‘stuff 100 jellybeans into mouth’ or ‘rub the beard of a professional athlete‘.

Briefly: Hi, Mom of Brett Dietz!

We learned from no less an authority than the man himself that Brett Dietz’s mom has read It’s Still Football. Sorry for all the curse words, ma’am.

Eventually, you’ll see a video of Brett Dietz reading the original Brett Dietz post. I wish we had the foresight to pull up the one where we asked if, in Finland, instead of “Hut,” they say “Bork,” and the snap’s always on three, but I didn’t. We went up to him, pulled out my laptop, (he asked if we wanted him to sign my iBook, which also was funny) and explained what who we were. His immediate response:

“This is you guys? You guys wrote this? MY MOM told me about this. She wanted to know who wrote it! I told her I hoped it was a lady.”

Co-Rookie of the Year Charles Frederick also enjoyed the exchange. It bears repeating: arena football players are personable and awesome. So, thanks for reading, Mom of Brett Dietz! The video, and J’s commentary, below.

Oh, Brett Dietz. Nope, we’re a couple of dudes. Sorry to disappoint. However, we have a feeling the Ladies… would like to make your acquaintance.

Keep soldiering on, Brett, and make them Turku Trojans proud! Charles, we were very pleased to meet you as well. Next season we’ll be keeping tabs on you.

Mrs. Brett Dietz’s Mom, your son is, in the nomenclature of our times, “teh awsum“. We’ll try to keep the swears to a minimum.

The ESPN Schedule Monkey does its worst

If you were hoping to catch ESPN2′s live coverage of the Chicago Rush at the Colorado Crush tonight (the now-meaningless C/Rush Bowl, as both teams were already in the playoffs), the Scheduling Monkey that runs ESPN2-4 decided that you were going to watch the NCAA World Series, fuck you very much. Actually, from ESPN’s standpoint it makes perfect sense. The NCAA Softball tournament (get ‘em next year, Wildcats!) drew close to 1.7 million viewers for the final showdown between Arizona and Tennessee, whereas the AFL has been struggling to get its weekly ESPN viewership into the seven figure range. If you were willing to stay up, though, you could watch the game in its entirety on tape delay. Or in real time on ESPN 360, but seriously, nuts to ESPN 360.

Me, I turned on the tube at about 9:15, saw NCAA baseball instead of my required 2 minutes of Bobby Sippio, and figured that was as good an excuse as any to get out and have a few beers with some friends.

Oh, by the way: CMRP: I freely admit I have a man-crush on Brett Dietz. Tampa Bay 65,  Grand Rapids 45. [Update: I was right!]

Weekend Pillow Fight:  Wee, two terrible teams: Las Vegas at Los Angeles. [Update: easy win for LA, not the worst game of the weekend]

Do you know who is interesting? Brett Dietz is interesting.

Our good friends over at ArenaFan Online agree, which prompted an interesting email conversation between TC and myself following an alert tip from our boy Jason.

Jason (to tip line, including link to Arena Fan story): You guys know about this, I presume, and are just playing coy.  

TC (to me): Alternately, we’re idiots.

JFiz: There’s nothing here we didn’t know or write. Aside from him being a frontman for a Maroon 5 esqe band in college.

TC: Well, and he’s not from Finland.

JFiz: I could have told you that, dorkface.

TC: I thought he was actually FROM Finland.

JFiz: Your mom is from Finland.*

Which led me to reflect: I suppose I never actually mentioned that he grew up in Kentucky and played at Hanover College where he kicked some fo’ serious ass, but just marveled at the fact that he spent some of his time playing in Finland.

I’m sorry if I led you astray. My bad.

Error of omission on my part? Perhaps. Does this change the awesomeness that flows from Dietz like whiskey in Ireland or vomit on St. Patrick’s Day? Nay.

The only downside is he’ll never utter Garo Yepremian-esqe football platitudes, which in AFL terms, would probably be something like “I makes net ball!”. 

*Not actually emailed.

[Ed. note: Power Rankings, CMRP, and Pillow Fight will be posted in bonus weekend coverage! (read: I am fucked at work right now) Also, apparently you can listen to AFL chattah on Sirius radio. So, yeah.]

[TC note: I really didn't know a lot of the stuff that was in that article, because I've been content to roll around like a dog in the knowledge that he played in Finland. I'm not very smart sometimes.]

[J Fiz note: because of the tremendous smirk I uttered at TC's note, everyone in my office thinks I have Irritable Bowl Syndrome.]

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Brett Dietz.

Brett Dietz.

Brett Dietz.