It’s Here! Today! We’re going CoverItLive-style, and you know what that means: no embedding! Following links! Extreme laziness!
Who will take home the Kraken of professional sports trophies? San Jose or Philadelphia? I know I predicted San Jose, but I really want to see Bon Jovi hoist this thing with his spindly arms.
Keep in the care of this guy? No. Hell no.
To follow the liveblogging extravaganza follow the mighty link: TO THE LIVE BLOG!
This Guy? Maybe.
This Guy? Could Be...
I stole ESPN's Banner. I am a winner.
So, guess what? Between general apathy and real-life nonsense, we totally blew off the playoffs (which apparently were hosted in Crazy Town, final results notwithstanding), and aren’t going to New Orleans again. For which my liver thanks the Flying Spaghetti Monster. BUT ANALYSIS WILL ENSUE!
ALL HAIL.
Multiple members of Bon Jovi! Jaws! More Cowbell! The Grieb Laser Industry! Darren Arbet! The Guy Who Owns Fry’s! D’Orazio! SOME OTHER PEOPLE OHMYGODIT’STHEARENABOWL!
Dear Point-Counterpoint, I never thought this could happen to me… (Jump?)
Do you know what’s as much fun as these WACKY AFL playoffs? That’s right, a year of chemistry compressed into 10 weeks! I’m as crazy as Ronnie Jaws breaking down game tape while he’s on 25 Red Bulls!
Crap!
Grand Rapids won, they’re now scheduled to lose to Chicago next week!
Updated bracket will post as soon as my pre-dental school lecture is over!
Granted, this comes a day late, but we don’t call it Craptacular for nothin’. Look for a Virgin (Wild)Card Weekend Wrap Up Spectacular soon! In the meantime, get back to watching (UGGH) Colorado and Utah.
Sorry, Brett.
“Make my grandkids call me!”
Imagine my surprise earlier this morning heading over to tWWL for Gary “Actually, I’m Not Andy Rooney” Horton’s weekly AFL Power Rankings, and low and behold, he also had a diatribe similar to my own (but with less swears and contemporary references to a heliocentric universe) regarding the pitiful state of the AFL’s playoff setup. What we BOTH advocate: admission by overall record first! No losing-record teams in the playoffs! Turn down that hipster music!
Also, before the jump to Rankings, Picks, and Pillow Fight, more photographic evidence that Utah QB Joe Germaine always looks the same.
Okay, this is just starting to get strange. Like that Lindsay Lohan compilation.
Quality defensive play.
The Mitsubish American Conference Presented by Mitsubishi is a disgrace brought to you by Mitsubishi. Playoff-bound Chicago, San Jose, and (gasp!) Arizona have respectable records at 10-4, 9-5, and 8-6 respectively; whereas the remaining five teams in the conference are being led by Utah at 5-10. Luckily for Chicago, San Jose, and Arizona, inter-league play is pretty damned common in the AFL so they’re not automatically boned in the postseason like an NFC team is against an AFC team (except, of course, for that glorious Super Bowl we had this past winter). A plea to Commissioner Hagrid – aside from not leaving for the stupidface Pac-10 – is to grant playoff spots based solely on record, as our beloved Tampa Bay Storm will most likely miss the playoffs with (hopefully) a winning record, yet several American Conference teams with twice as many losses as victories will be invited to parade their craptacular ineptitude on a national stage.
Grumble grumble grumble, I’m more cantankerous than Gary “You Woke Me From My Nap For THIS?” Horton and his weekly Power Rankings, and my Can’t Miss Random Pick and Pillow Fight this week are sponsored by Spite. Read the rest of this entry »
Ten seconds from steam shooting from his ear canals.
[phone rings]
[phone rings]
[phone rings]
CLICK BEEEEP
Hello, you’ve reached the office of Jerry Jones, Football Mastermind of the Dallas Cowboys and Desperados. I’m sorry I can’t take your call right now, but if you leave a message after the tone I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. If you’re one of my players looking for bail money, please dial 0 for the operator.
BEEP
Hey, Jerry, it’s Jon again. Just wanted to check in on you, see how you’re doing. I know how seriously you take these things, and I don’t want you to get too down in the dumps. Think about your blood pressure.
So, yeah… I’m on tour in Europe right now, but I’ll be playing Madison Square Garden next month. You want some tickets? The All American Rejects are playing too, maybe that’ll make you feel better?
Come on, Jerry, pick up the phone.
It’s no fun kicking your ass twice a year in this rivalry if you’re going to be a little bitch about it. Get over it, man. Call me.
CLICK BEEP
[Jerry stares vacantly at phone as dried Cherry Garcia flakes off two-day stubble]
This ArenaBowl is brought to you by the letters M, V, and the number 7
23 07 2008This'll learn us some maths!
Okay. The ArenaBowl is nearly upon us. As compared to last season’s painfully in-depth playoff coverage, due to a multitude of boring excuses we’ve done little to guide you through this year’s harrowing journey of [checking ESPN] Philadelphia and San Jose to New Orleans for ArenaBowl XXII.
How are we going to make it up to you?
With some sweet DVD giveaways, THAT’S HOW.
For whatever reason [most likely: we run a sports blog; least likely: our leather-bound books and odors of rich mahogany], we were recently contacted by some fine folks who offered us FIVE COPIES of the hotly anticipated Sesame Street sporting spectacular DVD “COUNT ON SPORTS”.
Want a copy? Leave a comment with your prediction of who will be the victor of Arena Bowl XXII for your chance to bring home the bacon, in Sesame Street DVD form.
Check back this weekend for an ARENA BOWL XXII LIVE BLOG, and coming soon, a LITERARY REVIEW OF SAID SESAME STREET DVD.
Don’t even act like we don’t love you. Now put a wager in the comments. We’ll draw winners at random if there’s more than five folks calling the game. Voting stops at kickoff.
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Categories : ArenaBowl XXII, Commenters... IN DIRECT COMPETITION, JM, Philadelphia Soul, San Jose SaberCats, Seriously: SESAME STREET!, We're Easily Distracted, arena football