What On Earth Can We Expect: The Philadelphia Soul

The City of Brotherly Love loves guys in suits, so long as the suit isn’t red and the guy is Santa Claus.

Facts:

• National Conference, Eastern Division
• 8-8 in 2007, lost in the divisional round to forceful Georgia
• Celebrity owners Jon Bon Jovi and Ronnie “Jaws” Jaworski made it to half of the home games Tony Graziani wasn’t injured
• If you watched any of ESPN’s coverage of anyAFL game last season, you may have heard that Jon Bon Jovi and Ron Jaworski were co-owners of the Soul

Paragraph About Upcoming Horror/Delight:

The Philadelphia Soul with a healthy Tony Graziani: tasty. The Soul with an injured Tony Graziani: salty. His new backup, former Rush starter Matt D’Orazio, is not invincible, but perhaps a little more experienced than the Soul’s previous interim QB, Juston “SLING IT” Wood. Bret Munsey is as good as any head coach in the AFL, although if absolutely necessary, we’re sure either TC or myself could put on some headphones and tell the fastest WR to go deep. Despite losing some key players in the off season (see: Dwayne Missouri), the Soul are still a better team than last year’s record would make you think. This years’ team should be just as feisty on offense and stout on D.

Bullet Points About People:

• Given his hard count, Tony Graziani might struggle in the real world
• FB/LB Wes Ours will literally devour the competition
• Former standout Georgia Force WR Chris Jackson has the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man

The Good:

Healthy southpaw Graziani. The return of rumblin’ bumblin’ stumblin’ Wes Ours. The addition of Chris Jackson. Celebrity owners helping attract fans. Soul food is fucking delicious.

The Bad:

Losing Dwayne Missouri. Graziani’s accuracy when he’s pressured or dislocates his shoulder. A division with Dallas, Columbus, New York, and Cleveland. Ronnie Jaws in Bermuda shorts. Soul food will fucking kill you.

Completely Arbitrary Prediction:

Soul go 10-6, lose to Georgia in second round. Jon Bon Jovi gets a lifetime achievement Grammy. Jaws and Graziani open a deli and option rights for a sitcom.

Okay, so it’s Week 2 of the Playoffs: Point/Counterpoint (Philly at Georgia)

Muppet-esqe mascots with measles agree [JESUS CHRIST, that's terrifying! -TC]: Sunday’s game between Philadelphia and Georgia could be, dare we say, exciting? Maybe we’ll just settle for “probably better than the previous games previewed”.

SUNDAY: Philadelphia at Georgia, 7pm ET.

J SAYS: When Philly has Tony Graziani at the helm, the Soul look as good as anyone on the field, except of course for the Soulmates. As we learned in his scouting profile, Graziani “has all the throws” and a “lightening release”, not to mention a deafening hard count that either draws the defense offsides or kills birds in mid-flight (Tony would be great as a caretaker for the elderly – “IT’S TIME FOR YOUR SPONGE BATH, MR. CURMUDGEON”). However, Georgia has been dominant since the beginning of the season. QB Chris Greisen is good enough to pull a Kurt Warner, receivers Chris Jackson and Tony Bergeron are two of the AFL’s best (I know, I know, statistics are for pussies), and Georgia is hosting tonight’s game. I’ll take drunken southerners over denizens of the City of Brotherly Love any day of the week, unless Santa Claus is involved.

TC SAYS: I really like Chris Griesen. He got the crap audibly kicked out of him in the Philly/Georgia game in Week 6, shook it off and continued to throw daggers. If he’s not the next quarterback to make the jump to the NFL, the he’s the next AFL lifer, and I think his counterpart across the field this week, Tony Graziani, would agree that there are worse things in life than playing a game you enjoy and getting paid (if not handsomely, then at least consistently) for it. J’s got an excellent point in that Philadelphia is a team of winners with Tony Graziani (“I REALLY LIKE YOU BUT I THINK WE SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE!”) at the helm, and a team of strangers when he’s not. They’re not as dominant as, say, Grampa Gary expected them to be at the top of the season, but they’re certainly a dangerous team. Since Graziani came back, they’ve lost to Dallas by three, and to Tampa Bay’s Dietz Machine. Soooo…

THE BOTTOM LINE: (J) Not to knock on Philly, but Georgia can be overwhelmingly dominant. The Force won’t make the errors that killed Orlando when they played Philly last week, and as good as Graziani is, he may be hard-pressed to keep up with Greisen. We may get treated to a few more JBJ double birds this weekend. (TC) The only team that was ever going to be a challenge to the Dallas/Georgia dominance in this conference: Philadelphia. This one’s a-gonna be a duel.   

J’S PREDICTION: Even though Philly will stay in the game, Georgia will be in control from the start to finish. Lucky for us, Jaws’ tears grant immortality and the uncanny ability to break down game tape.

TC’S PREDICTION:You know what? I think this’ll be the only upset this week. That’s right, I’m going out on a limb and saying The Scrappy Chris Griesen’s season ends on Sunday. And that’s a shame, because he seems to be a sturdy fellow. These are the best kind of predictions, because if I’m right, hey, I’m right! If I’m wrong, the team I also like still won!

BrettDietzBrettDietzBrettDietz

Brett Dietz.

Brett Dietz.

Brett Dietz.

Preview for Monday Night (Arena) Football: Philly versus Nawlins

Make no mistake: this could be a painful game to watch. Both teams are at 4-6 and limping through the season; Graziani’s status is questionable, which means, “a minute before game time Jaws will determine his arm is still totally fucked”; and if you’re watching this game it means you’re probably missing season finales of either “24″ or “Heroes”. Or a marathon of “Two and a Half Men” repeats. Or “The News Hour with Jim Lehrer.”

However, TC and I have decided to watch. Even at 4-6, it isn’t out of the question for Philly or Nawlins to reach the playoffs, and we haven’t live-blogged in a while, which is painfully apparent because pretty much everything that happened this weekend was exactly the opposite of what we said would happen. We need to get back in the AFL groove, get our hands dirty, listen to Trey Wingo be bored out of his mind.

Really, we just need to play Guitar Hero. We’ll live blog tonight on the status of JBJ’s middle digits and the awesomeness that is playing My Chemical Romance’s “Dead!” on cooperative. Rock.

What to look for in tonight’s game: weak defense from both squads, Voo Doo QB Andy Kelly to be either decent or crap-tacular, and a glimpse of Jaws running around in the locker room, looking like he’s either deep in football thought or searching for lost car keys. We can’t wait.

Actually, we probably can.

 UPDATE: Everything I wrote in this post is completely wrong.

Week 12 CMRP + Weekend Pillow Fight

The theme of the Can’t Miss Random Pick this week, following a victorious pick of San Jose over Las Vegas, is: DON’T FIX WHAT AIN’T BROKE. The CMRP is now 5-5 following our week 1 bye (also, we didn’t think of this feature until week 2), and I’d be willing to bet that potential playoff contender Utah won’t drop tonight’s game versus the horrendous, coach-less, Shaun King-less Gladiators. Las Vegas is so terrible I haven’t noticed that Tampa Bay has managed to win some football games – perhaps Primary Gruden put a disguised Jeff Garcia on loan?

ANYWAY, randomness is counting on Joe Germaine to continue to look like his head is a Peep in a microwave every time he throws the ball, and every time he throws the ball for it to go into the hands of a receiver in the end-zone.

WEEK 12 CAN’T MISS RANDOM PICK: UTAH 65, Las Vegas 35.

WEEK 12 WEEKEND PILLOW FIGHT ONCE AGAIN BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE PRESIDENT’S HOT TWIN DAUGHTERS:

This week’s pillow fight is going to be painful. It’s a match between a team that can’t find its rhythm and a team that started strong but is in an uncontrollable tailspin.

We’re talking about the Philadelphia Soul hosting the New Orleans VooDoo. And we’re talking about Monday Night (Arena) Football.

This game will feature bad reads, turnovers, and dropped passes. You’re going to see drives that go nowhere, like Charles Barkley playing golf. You’re going to see both teams commit my favorite metaphor that I’m fairly sure I coined at least in part: squatting over and dropping a collective sporting turd on the field.

You might see Jon Bon Jovi give the double bird to the refs, or if things get really ugly, his own team.

You might see Jaws get so distraught he actually suits up and gets behind center.

You might see all of these things.

I will not. Because I don’t think I could bring myself to watch this game even if doing so would get me my own pillow fight with the President’s daughters and a guarantee there will actually be Social Security left for me when I retire in 2000never.

Enjoy the game, sado-masochist viewers!

Da Coach says…

“Ronnie, I’ll bet you a case of Chicago’s finest Philly cheesesteak sandwiches versus a case of Philly’s finest Philly cheesesteak sandwiches that my boys kick your boys’ asses tonight…

“Dammit, now I’m hungry. Hungry for a win.

“And a couple sandwiches.”

Our Mission Statement, as Spoken by Jaws

As has been made abundantly clear, we here at It’s Still Football had little-to-no exposure to the madness that is Arena Football before taking up the mantle of Premiere Arena Football Blog this season. The best reason we could come up with for engaging in this flight of fancy was “Hey, it’s still football…” This sentiment has been echoed (and given legitimacy?) by Ron ”Jaws” Jaworski, Our Patron Saint For Now, in the USA Today, thusly:

“Jaworski understands that while the league features gimmicks that might offend a purist, it’s still football.”

Hey! That’s our name! And, it may not be a direct quote from Jaws, but I’m going to pretend it is. Hey, Jaws! Read our blog! It’s called what you said!

Anyway, the USA Today (Motto: ”HEY, AMERICA! LOOK! GRAPHS! COLORS! SHINY! I LOVE LAMP!”) threw down an article suggesting that Arena Football could be America’s 5th Major Sport. They published this article up about two weeks ago, so, once again, we have our finger firmly on the pulse of something else … ladies …  Anyhoo, the AFL slides in behind For-Reals Football, Baseball, Basketball, and Hockey. Setting aside for a moment my own personal torch-carrying for hockey, allow me to say: that sounds reasonable. Really. I make The Fun, but the AFL is competing for the Quint Spot with, what, soccer? Golf? The MLS is crazy popular in Chicago (Polish and Spanish-speakers love the Fire), as well as Los Angeles (two teams, no waiting, one of whom has David Beckham), but it’s not really taking hold with RV-Driving, 2nd-Amendment-Loving, Terrorist-Hunting Random Americans. And the PGA captures the imagination of people dozing off on the couch 4 Sundays out of the year. So, really the question ought to be “Are there 5 major sports in America?” For that matter, are there 4 major sports in America? Hockey may have been demoted to Mid-Major sports, where I contend the PGA, MLS, AFL, minor-league baseball and WNBA currently reside, and that which Major League Lacrosse, the NBDL, professional softball, and, I don’t know, Pro Bowling or Full-Contact Jai Alai aspire to join.

We’re going to figure out how popular the AFL actually is in Chicago on Monday, as we venture to Allstate Arena (which I’m going to call the Rosemont Horizon, just like I force references to Comiskey Park, the Oriental Theatre, and Weeghman Park.) to see the Rush take on the Asspirates Buttpirates Soul. Hopefully, we’ll come away with a souvenir, and maybe take a picture with Jaws. Who, it occurs to me now, will have been in New York for the NFL Draft, so if he shows up to his team’s away game, I’ll be decently surprised.

This post kind of got away from me, so if you got this far through my stream-of-consciousness rambling, congratulations. Buy yourself a cookie or something. Treat yourself.

Full disclosure, vis a vis “Premiere Arena Football Blog” status: we’re also the sole Arena Football Blog, as far as I can tell. AOL Fan-Heezy (can I say “heezy”?) has two posts tagged under “Arena Football.” Disquietingly, we’re not really showing up when you google Arena Football Blog. So… if you’ll pardon me for a second:

Arena Football Blog Arena Football Blog google Arena Football Blog Arena Football Blog Google Arena Football Blog Arena Football Blog GOOGLE Arena Football Blog Arena Football Blog Arena Football Blog.

There.

Live-Blogging Georgia @ Philadelphia

I’m going to clean this up, eventually. Right now, I’m playing against the sacred liveblogging tradition of latest posts up top, but I hope to remedy that situation. [Update: LIES! I'm leaving this in chronological order, at least for right now. Because... I am. Shut up.] [Update, Part Deux: I missed something tremendous, and I couldn't be sorrier. I've inserted a link at the appropriate timestamp.]

Force! Soul! They reportedly have it goin’ on on ESPN2! Graziani! Griesen! I’m “stoked”! Jump!

March Madness, heavy workload, laziness, and other excuses

Suffice it to say that in a week when the NIT is more important to the ESPN2 broadcasting schedule than our fav AFL action, it makes it a little harder to wake from the early-work-week/post-St.-Patrick’s-Day grogginess to post for our ever-faithful daily readers. Unless, of course, your name is “TC” and your only alternative to putting up a detailed and thoughtful AFL post is preparing fresh lamb’s blood for your Investment Banking Overlord’s afternoon suckle (note: actually Mortgage Banking Overlords, but it doesn’t sound as menacing).

So far as my analysis from this past weekend’s games, simply said – Dallas, Philly, Georgia = good; New York, Tampa Bay, and Arizona = bad.

Also, it would appear that my decision to put $20 on Steve Nash and the Phoenix Suns winning the NCAA tourney over Georgetown is only slightly more ill-advised than Jaws picking the Philadelphia Soul to win over Georgia Tech, or wearing a t-shirt with a suit coat for a bio photo.

No, we have not forgotten about our obligation to live-blog a game that took place over a week ago (read: I am lazy) but we assure you they will be up long after they are relevant (read: pretty much anything past 24 hours after the game). Once again I am called by my mystery career, but I’ve taken a look at the dashboard for It’s Still Football and it looks as though TC is cooking up something delicious for you.

Delicious like lamb’s blood, fit only for the finest of Finance Overlords.