Week 11 Power Rankings, CMRP, and Weekend Pillow Fight

Get it, Kansas City? I’m saying your team is soft.

It’s that time once again, readers. After a surprising loss by Philadelphia, the second-straight win by Utah, and the creeping realization that mediocre-to-shite Arizona will probably sail into the playoffs, the arena league is on its head. After the jump, the musings of ESPN’s Gary “The Grampinator” Horton, terrible football betting advice in the form of the ironically-named Can’t Miss Random Pick, and, of course, your Weekend Pillow Fight that this week is more like a pair of impending smackdowns.

Week 10: Ranks, Pillows, and Picks: I’m in training again!

I’ve been here before!

It’s painfully close to the end of the week, so you know what that means - blogging on company time! All your favorites, from Grampa Gary’s Power Rankngs to Can’t Miss Random Pick and Weekend Pillow Fight await you after the jump:

Week 9 Power Rankings, CMRP, and Pillow Fight: OH CRAP moving really blows edition

WHERE IS THE WINDEX?

MOVING IS A TERRIBLE IDEA. SO IS MOVING RIGHT BEFORE ATTENDING THE KENTUCKY DERBY.

Since my ride is picking me up shortly and I have 10 minutes’ worth of internetz access, we’ll forget Grampa Gary this week and just summarize the week thusly:

THE GOOD: Philly, Chicago, New Orleans

THE BAD: Cleveland, Georgia

THE UGLY: Kansas City, Utah, your mom

CMRP: New Orleans over Georgia. Tasty!

WEEKEND PILLOW FIGHT: Kansas City? UTAH? BLARG!

 

TC may have something cooking for you kiddies - have a great weekend, enjoy the games, and when in the infield at the Derby, always help strangers saran-wrap their friends to portable toilets.

Week 9 Power Rankings, CMRP, and Weekend Pillow Fight: Let’s get meta!

Coming up with fresh ideas is tough, just ask Brett Ratner. So imagine my surprise when I stumbled across this nugget by Neal Pollack on Slate regarding things such as weekly power rankings, mock drafts, and MVP races being signs of lazy sports writing (ironically, similar points have been made on Slate in the past) and overall detrimental to the appreciation of sporting in general. Fair enough. Then, yesterday KSK’s Big Daddy Drew posted an NFL draft preview on Deadspin that suggested anyone bemoaning the surplus of mock drafts can, in his parlance, choke on a dick. Fair enough.

Both articles made me further question qualms I’ve had about my weekly riffing on the occasionally disjointed Gary Horton AFL ramblings from the WWL, and gave me an idea to keep this feature fresh.

Maybe next week.

Week 7 Power Rankings, CMRP, and Pillow Fights: JM is in training right now!

I’m at Excel training right now! Time for some good ol’ fashion blogging! Grampa Gary, you’re getting roasted in bold after the jump!

Week 6: Here’s your Power Rankings, CMRP, and Pillow Fight,

Take a long look at that face, Chicagoans. That is the face that handed us an OT loss. Take solace in the fact that MyHeritage.com says he looks like either Michael Douglas, Boris Yeltsin, or P Diddy.

What a weekend of mostly-predictable results. What does this weekend look like? The always-astute analysis (ed. note: not entirely sarcastic, except it’s more obvious than astute, whatever, he seems to watch most of the games or at least pay someone to do it for him) of ESPN’s Grampa Gary Horton holds the answers.

Week 5 Power Rankings, CMRP, and Pillow Fight: Jeff Smoker respectfully requests some effing pass protection

It could be a long season, Arizona fans.

We’re starting to see a few patterns emerge this AFL season. Among them:

• Philly is scary-good
• Grand Rapids can put up basketball numbers
• Utah is as about as useful on the football field as is my navel

Although Jeff Smoker may be forced to take this sitting lying down,  ESPN’s Grampa Gary Horton is all riled up and ready to crack some skulls. As soon as he remembers where he put the remote control.

Week 4 Power Rankings, CMRP, and Weekend Pillow Fight conclude: Utah is terrible

Chief tries to warm up a third-string DB with an easy takeaway

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Utah is very, very bad. We know. You know it. Grampa Gary knows it. Bold faced smugness, CMRP, and Pillowfights agree after the jump. Also, forgive the hyphens between paragraphs, because WordPress has decided it’s a union-labor blog that’s taking its five-hour lunch break.

UPDATE/NOTE: Grampa Gary’s “Next” is, like, totally FUBAR.

Our Damn Rankings, Can’t Miss Random Pick, and Pillowfights - Week 3

Has Joe fallen in here? My excuse? Would you believe I was drugged by attractive women, who wanted to have their way with me? Stockholm Syndrome is a bitch, guys.

Joe’s trapped under something heavy, so I’m making the rankings happen. It’s not my shtick to make fun of Grampa Gary, so I’m going to make my own rankings, and bring back the haikus. If you’re curious what Gary thinks, his rankings are here. not happening this week? What’s going on here? Whatever, fuck it. Also, Philly beat LA last week. We’ll take that into account. Why not?

After the jump: random decisions.

Week 2 Power Rankings: let’s not talk about #1

“Are you not entertained?”

Say it ain’t so: New Orleans in an upset win, Cleveland Whatevers on the playoff fast track, Chicago in a sloppy loss? Well, sadly, we can believe that last one. Ripping off Grampa Gary, Can’t Miss Random Pick, and Weekend Pillow Fight are calling you after the jump.