The Wild Card games: reportedly they will be ‘wild’

Likewise your other co-editor needs to apologize for a lack of activity around here heading into the playoffs. I blame a very busy work week/weekend capped off by a mid-week trip to San Diego - which ended with yours truly waking up at 5:30 to catch a flight, which would have been a painless venture had I not woken up drunk and naked with cartoons blaring from the television. Needless to say, the AFL ranks a little lower on the Priority Ladder than trying to not be drunk and naked in San Diego.

Anyhow, we have four games this weekend - exciting match ups between teams that limped through the regular season, playing somewhere between “acceptably decent” and “somewhat reminiscent of slightly more than mediocre”.

ESPN is likewise so excited for the weekend’s games that in addition to Monday Night (Arena) Football on ESPN2 (Utah vs. Los Angeles), Philly versus Orlando is on ESPN Friday night, and Saturday’s action is the afternoon lineup on ESPN. You can also catch the games on tape delay on ESPN at 2am if you’re not in the mood to spend the first weekend of July indoors. Looks like I’m dusting off the ol’ VCR.

FRIDAY: ORLANDO vs PHILADELPHIA

Squads JBJ and Other Gruden only squared off once this season, but when they did, Orlando was rolled up like an illegal substance and smoked by Philly, courtesy of a non-mangled Tony Graziani, who led the Soul to a 63-49 victory. Why is this important, you ask? Because it was last week. PREDICTION: Philly advances, we lose our Other Gruden jokes for the rest of the year.

SATURDAY: COLUMBUS AT TAMPA BAY

By the numbers, these teams are on the same level. Take into account the glory and majesty of Turku Trojans veteran Brett Dietz, who led the Storm to an 8-1 record since suiting up (including a win over Philly), and what we have to look forward to is a good ol’ fashion beat down. PREDICTION: Dietz’ first game was against Columbus, a narrow win of 34-32.  This one will not be that close.

COLORADO AT KANSAS CITY

Raymond “SillyName” Philyaw won 4 of the Brigade’s last 5 games of the season - but the final game was a crushing loss at the hands of the Chicago Rush. Regardless, KC has the home field advantage (they routinely draw more fans than the Royals)(I have no idea if that is actually true, but it wouldn’t surprise me) and Colorado is on a 4-game skid. PREDICTION: Colorado beat Kansas City both times they met in the regular season, but it was by margins of 4 and 3 points. Saturday’s W is going to the home team.

MONDAY: UTAH AT LOS ANGELES

When the dust settles from this shootout, it’s altogether possible that the game will be decided by whoever scores last (insert your own “bad at scoring”/”mediocre at sex”/”AFL < NFL when it comes to picking up strippers” joke here). While Exploding Peep Head Joe Germaine has had flashes of brilliance for Utah, LA has had better luck staying in close games, even though LA lost 47-37 to Utah last week. PREDICTION: This one kind of beats the hell out of me. Grandpa Gary says Utah. Works for me.

Also, it looks like TC and I may attend Arena Bowl XXI after all. We’ll keep you updated on how we do, as this would make the best use of our “the worst idea ever” tag to date. Even worse than trying to catch a flight out of San Diego while drunk and naked.

The ESPN Schedule Monkey does its worst

If you were hoping to catch ESPN2’s live coverage of the Chicago Rush at the Colorado Crush tonight (the now-meaningless C/Rush Bowl, as both teams were already in the playoffs), the Scheduling Monkey that runs ESPN2-4 decided that you were going to watch the NCAA World Series, fuck you very much. Actually, from ESPN’s standpoint it makes perfect sense. The NCAA Softball tournament (get ‘em next year, Wildcats!) drew close to 1.7 million viewers for the final showdown between Arizona and Tennessee, whereas the AFL has been struggling to get its weekly ESPN viewership into the seven figure range. If you were willing to stay up, though, you could watch the game in its entirety on tape delay. Or in real time on ESPN 360, but seriously, nuts to ESPN 360.

Me, I turned on the tube at about 9:15, saw NCAA baseball instead of my required 2 minutes of Bobby Sippio, and figured that was as good an excuse as any to get out and have a few beers with some friends.

Oh, by the way: CMRP: I freely admit I have a man-crush on Brett Dietz. Tampa Bay 65,  Grand Rapids 45. [Update: I was right!]

Weekend Pillow Fight:  Wee, two terrible teams: Las Vegas at Los Angeles. [Update: easy win for LA, not the worst game of the weekend]

Preview for Monday Night (Arena) Football: Chicago at Colorado

First off, my bad. I promised everyone a weekend post, and I totally failed. I spent Saturday at graduation ceremonies and playing softball in Grant Park (I turned a single into a super-scrappy double and may have sent a diminutive female 2nd baseman onto her ass, but she was totally standing on the bag), and that evening passed out as the stomach virus that incapacitated me Sunday totally destroyed my will to live, let alone my will to blog.

Though it has been quite difficult, I’ve managed to keep myself in an AFL media blackout, and Scout’s honor, tonight I’ll put together CMRP, Pillow Fight, and perhaps some quick Power Rankings, which I’ll then be able to immediately report on after posting.

What I won’t do tonight is watch Chicago at Colorado. They’re both in the playoffs, they’re both playing mediocre (which is quite the feat in the AFL, let me tell you), and frankly I’d rather clean my apartment and watch some Monday Night (Professional) Baseball, even if it is Boston and Atlanta.

Fine. I might tune in for a second or two, but only to see Sippio’s bright smiling face.

Also coming soon: a ton of shout-outs and the addition of a BLOG ROLL! What is a blog roll, you ask? We have no fucking idea either, but all the cool kids are doing it.

[Edited to add: I have no excuses. -TC]

Arena Bowl XXI tickets!

You can’t have any!

If you had planned on heading down to the Big Easy for Arena Bowl XXI (Official Motto: Holy Shit, We’ve Been Doing This For 21 Years?), the game is sold out, the first-ever for a neutral-site (AFL) championship game.

If you had your heart set on attending, it’s time to get your ass on the Ebays. I think TC and I will sit this one out, unless, of course, the AFLWA decides to sponsor us and set us up with a fat expense account to cover late night pizza orders needed to supplement heavy tequila drinking sessions with loose women and on-duty cops.

Yeah, we’ll be watching on ABC like everyone else.

You got psyched by Peter King

If you were hoping to catch a glimpse of the AFL’s Premiere WR, Bobby Sippio, tearing it up against Dallas last night on the illustrious ESPN2 after getting a tip from beloved curmudgeon Peter King, you were bound to be disappointed. Not only because you were watching the AFL on ESPN2, but because Bobby Sippio, lauded as “The AFL’s Jerry Rice” (only by us), suffered an ankle injury in the first quarter and saw only limited play.

We have to give it to Matt D’Orazio who, despite as we have previously mentioned seems largely ineffective without Sippio to throw to, managed to keep Chicago in the game and take the lead late in the 4th quarter. Dr. Dolezel, however, put Dallas up 52-48 with three seconds left. Would it have been a different game had Sippio been in? Probably.

Would Sippio have been injured had Peter King not advised a nation of pseudo-coffee-snobs to tune in? Knowing how superstitious Chicago sports fans can be, we can say, without a doubt, this is all King’s fault.

Week 10 Power Rankings, CMRP, and Weekend Pillow Fight

Once again, it is time for your favorite Fizzle’d editor to take Scouts Inc.’s weekly AFL power rankings and be a total wise-ass. Also, we have a fresh Can’t Miss Random Pick that could put us to the 5-4 mark, and one hell of a Pillow Fight to look forward to. If you’re one of our (currently) four regular readers, now is the time to take the jump.

Preview for Monday Night (Arena) Football: Betting Odds

Unfortunately, I won’t be able to watch all of tonight’s match, already underway, of Philly at Columbus, and I suspect TC has been sent north to rural Wisconsin to find some fresh springtime mammals to slaughter upon the altar of Investment Banking Overlord Snacking. So instead, I’ll offer some wagers, which of course you won’t be able to place because the game is already 5 minutes in (no score).

1:1 Either Philly or Columbus wins

2:1 ESPN shows the clip of Graziani getting creamed a minimum of five times [UPDATE: They just showed it three times]

4:1 Either Jaws or Bon Jovi makes an obscene gesture after a questionable call

2:1 Someone reminds the viewers ‘there is no punting in arena football’ [UPDATE: Just happened]

5,000:1 One of the teams actually plays a little defense [UPDATE: Almost 10 minutes in and it is tied at 0]

10,000,000,000:1 Arena Football beats 24 in the ratings

10^100:1 After I turn off the television, someone on the planet will still be tuned in to ESPN2

Your guide to weekend pillow fights

When you’re not busy searching for hard-boiled eggs to celebrate the resurrection of a Jewish carpenter, you may want to check out the three weakest games of the weekend. If you’re a sadomasochist. Or if you plan on being ripped out of your mind.

Coming soon (hopefully)

We’re going to try for a first here tonight at It’s Still Football and provide an actual live-blogging live-blogof tonight’s much anticipated match-up between the undefeated Dallas Desperados and the Other-Gruden-led Orlando Predators. Catch all the action on ESPN2 starting at 7/6 central, catch all the updates on the status of J Fizzle’s salsa supply here.

This is all assuming, of course, J Fizzle makes it home in time for the game. TC will have to sit this one out as he must spend the evening scouring the country for strangle-worthy songbirds for the Overlords, so instead of witty and insightful quips from TC, you’ll have to settle for fart jokes from J Fizzle. If he makes it back to his place. And if his cable is still operational.

This has ‘disastor’ written all over it.

This could be the focus of tonight’s blog.

March Madness, heavy workload, laziness, and other excuses

Suffice it to say that in a week when the NIT is more important to the ESPN2 broadcasting schedule than our fav AFL action, it makes it a little harder to wake from the early-work-week/post-St.-Patrick’s-Day grogginess to post for our ever-faithful daily readers. Unless, of course, your name is “TC” and your only alternative to putting up a detailed and thoughtful AFL post is preparing fresh lamb’s blood for your Investment Banking Overlord’s afternoon suckle (note: actually Mortgage Banking Overlords, but it doesn’t sound as menacing).

So far as my analysis from this past weekend’s games, simply said - Dallas, Philly, Georgia = good; New York, Tampa Bay, and Arizona = bad.

Also, it would appear that my decision to put $20 on Steve Nash and the Phoenix Suns winning the NCAA tourney over Georgetown is only slightly more ill-advised than Jaws picking the Philadelphia Soul to win over Georgia Tech, or wearing a t-shirt with a suit coat for a bio photo.

No, we have not forgotten about our obligation to live-blog a game that took place over a week ago (read: I am lazy) but we assure you they will be up long after they are relevant (read: pretty much anything past 24 hours after the game). Once again I am called by my mystery career, but I’ve taken a look at the dashboard for It’s Still Football and it looks as though TC is cooking up something delicious for you.

Delicious like lamb’s blood, fit only for the finest of Finance Overlords.