It’s Still Football Puts the “Off” in “Offseason”

 

We also put the “nose” in there, as well as… what’s left: the “as?” That doesn’t even make sense. If we made it two to infinity offseasons, we could put the “sass” in there. Oh yeah. Also, I’ve spent so much time looking at the word “offseason,” that I’m not sure it’s a word anymore. MOVING ON.

Biggest News: Hey, kids! Bernie Kosar wants what John Elway has! While that part’s not news, the fact that the stunningly incompetent Las Vegas Gladiators (nee New Jersey Gladiators, nee New Jersey Gladiators, nee New Jersey Red Dogs – delicious! revolting!) are moving to Cleveland, is. This, and more news, after the breaking of pages:

Bernie Kosar makes a phone call

Hello, Tom? Hi, it’s Bernie Kosar!

No, Bernie. Kosar.

No, I’m not a truant officer looking for child support.

I’m not Belichick’s butler.

I’m a pro-bowl QB from the Browns. No, I know. No, I’m not Brady Quinn. I know he isn’t.

You probably don’t remember because you weren’t old enough to be riding the pine at Michigan.

Anyhow, I have a proposition for you. You looked pretty decent last week against the Dolphins, six TD passes. Not too shabby.

Me? In a single season? Um… 22. Really? Good for you. On pace for 61? Must be nice having Randy Moss around.

If you can do a little better, you could be looking at a starting position on my new team.

Football. Your offseason, a chance for you to keep sharp. I’d need you to throw at least 6 TDs a game though. 49 points won’t exactly cut it.

It’s the arena league.

Cleveland. You’ll love it.

You’d be looking at a contract for 200.

No, dollars. A game.

Hello?

Las Vegas Relocates! To Cleveland!

Dear Ohio:

We think you need another Arena Football team to go along with the one in Columbus.

Love,

Humongous AFL Commissioner David Baker

Dear Las Vegas:

You really screwed the pooch on this one. Hope you like Cleveland.

With Vitriol,

Humongous AFL Commissioner David Baker

Indeed, I wouldn’t have noticed this if not for Deadspin. It’s Still Football: your source for third-hand news.