BREAKING: Paul Edinger re-signs with Rush

Apparently disoriented after his original exit from the Allstate Arena, Edinger, with his back positioned to the door that almost hit him on the way out, re-entered the facility with equalled accuracy just in time for the Rush’s playoff run.

According to Edinger,

“It’s all fun,” he said. “If anything, [the narrow goal posts] can’t help but improve my accuracy. And I just want to play. It’s still kicking a football and that’s what I really love doing.”

So much so that he apparently ditched his wife at their new Costa Rica home to get back to Chicago. That tag is there for a reason, kids.

Hat-tip to our buddy Sam for the lead.

BREAKING: Sam Keller signs with Los Angeles Avengers

OK, maybe it isn’t breaking, but kiss my (disappearing on a detox) ass as I’ve been in meetings all blessed week. Sam Keller, who briefly practiced with the Tampa Bay Buccaneer Quarterback Emporium, signed a three-year contract with the Los Angeles Avengers, thus filling the surprising void of dark-haired muscled collegiate athletes in the greater LA area.

When contacted for comment, current QB Sonny Cumbie sprained his wrist picking up the telephone.