Meanwhile, in Canada… It’s like we’re writing their headlines!
Speaking of the Rampage…
ARIZONA 52, Grand Rapids 48
We are legally obligated to call them “The Playoff-Guaranteed Arizona Rattlers,” so, The Playoff-Guaranteed Arizona Rattlers survived a scare from the Playoff-What-Are-You-Kidding-Us?-How-Stupid-Do-You-Think-We-Are? Grand Rapids Rampage, thus putting off the Rattlerpocylpse (please, feel free to steal that word) for at least one more week. [Sigh] Begrudgingly, we must mention the above-average late-game play of Jeff Smoker, who managed the crap out of the clock and converted the plays he needed to convert to beat the also-third-division Rampage. Horrifyingly, one of these teams – IF NOT BOTH OF THEM – will make the playoffs. Break up the American Conference, for they are a mighty juggernaut of quality football! James MacPherson was 13-26 for 270 and 6 parts unknown. Does that strike anyone else as weird? DID YOU KNOW: The Rattlers have now offered free playoff tickets to those of you that sign up for 2009 season tickets? Also you get a puppy? And a fluffy cloud to sleep on and a unicorn, and a sliver of the True Cross. This is the greatest front office ever. DID YOU ALSO KNOW: Grand Rapids could be next year’s Cleveland? By which I don’t mean they’ll pack up and move, but I mean they might enter the summer as a slimy, playoff-unbound pupa and emerge next spring as a scary butterfly with teeth, and we’ll spend next season going “WHERE’D THESE GUYS COME FROM?” I have complete misplaced faith in the transplanted-Georgia-Force-esque offense and whatnot. DID YOU ALSO ALSO KNOW: My metaphors are AWESOME?
Two more games to suffer through, but I’m not going to waste above-the-fold space on them.
