Yes, We Know: Ryan Perrilloux Is/Is Not Arena League Bound

Because we would be remiss if we didn’t comment:

No, LSU quasi-semi-demi-proto-star Ryan Perrilloux is not going to play for the Grand Rapids Rampage, though they did take a flyer on equally wacky Adrian McPherson earlier this season. And Kansas City’s full to the brim with the meeting-shirking, alleged-drug-doing, bulky Quincy Carter to deal with “character issues” of this poor kid’s caliber. Concievably New York could use him (get away, Rohan Davey!), but who else? Back up Matt Nagy in Columbus? Back up Utah? Shake up LA?

Just go to Jacksonville State, Mr. 60-Million. You could be the best jaguar gamecock* in history**, and if you keep your nose clean, maybe get an education? It’d serve you better than the Arena League would. Not only is Grand Rapids uninterested, it would behoove any professional or semi-professional team to encourage you to make an effort get through college. (See also: the aforementioned Adrian McPherson, as well as Maurice Clarett, and others I can’t think of off the top of my head.) Fantasy College Blitz is more eloquent in their argument, and I mostly un-ironically used “keep your nose clean” two sentences ago, so I’m clearly not to be trusted, but my point and theirs boils down to the somewhat dull “don’t fuck up anymore.” 

*I’m an idiot!

**Anyone care to fact-check this?

[Update: I edited this to sound a little less moronic. Still: Perrilloux, don't be a dumbass. Go back to school, get drafted, make an obscene amount of money, and then when it turns out you can't quite hack it, play for the expansion Las Vegas Excess in 2010.]

Weekend in Review: That Stuff We Posted Yesterday, Mostly

Yes, I just steal photos from ArenaFootball.com. What of it? I have a point to make.

Of course, when I’m ready to rant about how ESPN’s grand commitment to the league seems to have fallen off somewhat since the heady days of Mike, Mike, Trey, Jaws, et al. (Were those salad days merely one year ago? How young we once were!), they go ahead and announce that Mike Hohensee and other members of the Rush are going to do a Sportscenter commercial. That doesn’t necessarily take the sting out of the fact that it occasionally appears that certain games are played in poorly-lit caverns with cameras stolen from remote broadcasts of the 1980s. Occasionally, you expect to see Dan Rather show up in a Muhajadeen outfit and explain how badly the Afghans have it against the Red Army. ANYWAY. There’s that. On to what happened over the weekend.

Chicago 51, TAMPA BAY 46

For all but the fourth quarter, this game was as close as the score would indicate. Tied at the half, back-and-forth through most of the third quarter, the Storm and Rush played a tough, reasonably defensive game that began to turn on a fumbled kickoff by the Storm’s Sedrick Robinson, and then  was solidified when, the Chicago defense was able to hold Tampa Bay to a field goal after a late Storm interception of Russ Michna. I’m beginning to come around on this Michna fellow - he’s 5-0 and ran the play-fake-naked-bootleg in the 4th quarter for a touchdown, and that’s the sort of chicanery I personally enjoy. Brett Dietz, after leading a gritty win against Orlando last week managed to keep the Storm in the game, but - as has been the discouraging refrain this season - wasn’t able to get the victory. If we’re starting the playoff watch this week, Tampa’s probably a bit nervous at 3-6, while Chicago’s putting some significant space between themselves and the defending champion Sabercats.

More, after this word from our imaginary sponsor:

Sort of Breaking: Quincy Carter Signed By Brigade

“Nooooooo, spirit! No, no, no! Hear me! I’m not the man I was! Why show me this,
if I am past all hope?! Tell me that I can change these dreadful shadows
you’ve shown me by an altered life!”

Um, welcome back, Quincy Carter? You and The Bryant Who Can’t Afford A Full First Name can fight it out for the QB spot of the God-awful (sorry, gang, but it’s true) Kansas City Brigade. Maybe they’ll run the option! Wouldn’t that be totally fucking insane! You can tell that the Brigade are anxious for the Quincy Carter Era to begin by their press release. And by “anxious,” I mean, “filled with a deep anxiety.”

Lavonya Quintelle “Quincy” Carter has been no stranger to controversy. He began his NFL career with the Dallas Cowboys and was one of a string of short lived successors to Troy Aikman. He was released by Coach Bill Parcells for a failed drug test. He then played for the New York Jets and Coach Herm Edwards. At that time, ESPN’s Chris Mortenson reported that Carter was being treated for a bipolar disorder. After leading the Jets to the playoffs in 2004, Carter was admitted into drug rehab. At that time, former Jets head coach and current Kansas City Chiefs head coach Herm Edwards said, “”Quincy has done everything and more that was asked of him. He came to work early, stayed late, and exhibited good character the entire time. When Chad Pennington was injured, Quincy stepped into a tough situation. If not for Quincy’s performance during that time, the Jets would not have made the playoffs. After being around Quincy this past year, not only can I say that he is a good football player, but I can also say that he is of good character,” Edwards said.

Phew. Well, I feel much better.

Da Coach Says…

“Man, that’s really the last time I go to Cesars… what? We won? ¡Victoria!”