By now, it’s
big old news that Brett Favre of the Green Bay Packers announced his retirement, realizing that there was no way that he was going to bridge the 440-touchdown gap between himself and Dr. Clint Dolezel, Ph.D. He finally made his peace with merely being better than Jay Gruden and Todd Hammel, and decided that it was time to permanently shift to lounging around on his sprawling Mississippi estate, leaving only the possibility of rolling around in piles of money to occupy his time.
It’s at this point that I’d like to start the rumor that he’s going to join the Orlando Predators in order to prove his dominance in all phases of football. Then he’s going to play for FC Dallas, and perhaps a couple seasons of rugby. Aussie Rules football? The baffling Celtic football? What is it at the end of the tunnel pictured above? ESPN makes it look like some sort of Renaissance painting of St. Francis of Assisi.
Seriously: let’s go with the idea that since his competitive streak can’t be capped, he’s going to play for the New Orleans Voodoo, because it’s close to home. And he’s going to play for free. And he has the stated goal of throwing 220 touchdowns this year. It’ll be great. It’s like he’s going to the football equivalent of a methadone clinic. “Brett, we’re going to get you to step down from competing gradually…”