The reason we invented the “No Shit, This Team Is STILL In the Playoffs” tag
The Chase: it’s what we’re going to cut to.
Columbus does not suck nearly as much as was originally implied, and Georgia imploded like an elderly star whose core just turned to iron. My 7th grade science teacher is going to be thrilled that I was able to force that simile. So, we spectacularly blew that one. I’m going to own up to my particularly egregious error of continuing to metaphorically give The Scrappy (But Rattled) Chris Greisen wet sloppy puppy kisses for two months in a row. He was – and I shudder to say this – soundly outplayed by Matt “Crankypants” Nagy. I wouldn’t say they were outschemed, because every time ESPN cut to the bench, the Georgia staff looked calm and collected, took a couple seconds to collect their thoughts, and agreed on a reasonable play, while the Columbus bench looked like the end of Trading Places.
Murphy and Akroyd, puzzled as to why I can’t think of a more contemporary reference.
In any event, Columbus eaten by the star of Alien that wasn’t Sigourney Weaver? Not so much. Georgia waltzing into New Orleans? Also not so much. Columbus “fueled by the scorn of a nation,” moving on? I’d like to hope so. I like to think that Coach Walrus printed out It’s Still Football mockery and used it as bulletin board material, because that’d be outstanding, but unlikely. The best summation of the game just arrived from the Backhanded Compliments Department: in a mistake-filled championship game (poor tackling on special teams, wild quarterbacks, blown coverages, questionable decision-making) on both sides, Columbus was able to take more advantage. Perhaps they’re more used to overcoming mistakes? (Zing!)
On the other hand, aside from my sissy vacillating at the time of prediction, we pretty much nailed the preview of Chicago/San Jose. We both wanted Chicago to win, but knew better. And Matt D’Orazio’s back was the factor – who knows what would’ve happened had Coach Ho taken him out earlier, but you have to dance with the date that brung ya’, as they with questionable grammar skills say. Though we were dead wrong about it being the most exciting game since the invention of end zone nets – the Columbus/Georgia game was much more exciting. Weirdly, both games brought up some variation of “Guys, there isn’t that much time left, could we get up to the line with some urgency?” Without D’Orazio at 100%, Chicago just couldn’t keep up. Michna did yeoman’s work, but he wasn’t going to lead a comeback of the magnitude that Chicago needed. They needed a pick-six or some kind of defensive back-breaking that didn’t happen, and the Northwestern Wildcats Memorial Onside-Kick-Returned-By-the-Recieving-Team-For-a-Touchdown Play certainly didn’t help.
So, there you have it. We got stuff wrong again, but we’re okay with that.
P.S. Exciting news to come this afternoon for the ISF team…
Earlier today in all of our press-credentialed fervor, TC reminded me it’s been some time since we’ve sat down with good ol’ Grampa Gary (Horton) and his weekly AFL Fireside Chat. We crowded around his favorite armchair and unwrapped some choice butter-scotches as Gary fired out answers to query after query (we suspect the helper monkey has learned how to take dictation).
