From today’s Chicago Tribune, midway through Teddy Greenstein’s “Inside sports media” column:
Saturday night throwdown
Sure, Tom Waddle snagged 173 passes for the Bears in 1989-94. But his WMVP-AM radio partner, Marc Silverman, will not concede defeat in a contest that will take place Saturday night at halftime of the Rush’s game at Allstate Arena.
“Hey, football is not my game, but I consider myself an athlete,” Silverman said. “When I covered the Bears in 1999, I was the best lefty out there. And that includes Cade McNown.”
Waddle and Silverman will quarterback opposing teams for a little game of 7-on-7. The novelty: The other six players are mascots. Get me Willie the Wildcat’s 40 time!
Silverman believes the game will be touch, not tackle. And that’s probably a good idea.
“The DePaul mascot is pretty athletic,” he said. “He might blindside me.”
Get me Willie the Wildcat’s 40 time, indeed! Willie will mess you up and do it with a smile on his face. There isn’t any information on the Rush’s website, so we’re going to have to go with my random hypotheses. After the page break.
First of all, we don’t have to assume that they’ll be playing by Arena League rules, but it’d be pretty funny if they were. The immobility of the linebackers would likely be crippling in a mascot-based game, as there aren’t a ton of truly agile mascots, and I desperately hope that they kick extra points.
Also, who’s playing? If I can find out, I’ll update this post, but for now, I have a couple guesses.
DePaul Blue Demon (DePaul University): also likely to play as a DB/WR. So far, we have skinny mascots who can run around. Weirdly, there’s no real information on the Blue Demon on DePaul’s website.
Grabowski (Chicago Rush): clearly, Grabowski’s going to be playing, but in what capacity? I’d say he’d be another WR/DB, because it’s another skinny mascot with the use of his real hands, but the gigantic head is a concern. Maybe he’ll be the third WR and play LB on defense. Knock stuff down with his enormous head. It’s a virtual planetoid. It has it’s own weather system. Okay, I’m done.
Benny the Bull (Chicago Bulls): Benny’s a lot skinnier than I recall. I was originally planning to put him on the line, but I think I’ll assume he’ll play RB/LB, instead of the center/nose guard like I intended. He looks like he has some speed off the line, and you know bulls like to charge, so let him hit/run over people. He’ll be the Mike LB, specifically.
Sky Guy (Chicago Sky): I include the Sky Guy because, while people actually care less about the WNBA than they do the AFL, they send this guy everywhere. I’ve seen him downtown more than once, and I saw him at the airport, and at a shopping mall. So, they’ll totally send him to the Rush game. Also, “He had been chasing ladies basketball for years,” is part of his official bio: Creeeeee-py. Um, he’s a WR/DB. He has a jetpack.
Southpaw (Chicago White Sox): I remember Ribbie and Roobarb, who totally would’ve been linemen. Or line… things. They were horrifying. In any event, we have a similar problem to Grabowski, in that you have a mobile body with a gigantor head. He can be another LB, and we’ll figure out what to do with him on offense another time.
Tommy Hawk (Chicago Blackhawks): Tommy Hawk is kind of creepy, to be perfectly honest. But we have our first Center/Nose Guard. He’s a bruiser, I’ll tell you that much.
Staley Da Bear (Chicago Bears): Wow. I have never seen Staley in person, but the inclusion of both the original team’s name (Decatur Staleys) and the Superfans in one name is pretty impressive. He’s also our other C/NG. Because he’s about 8,000 times larger than any of the other mascots I’ve seen so far.
Sparky The Dragon (University of Illinois – Chicago): Sparky doesnt’ seem to be that well-known, and his tail and paws are going to be a liability. I think they’ll stick him on the line, too.
Jeez, that’s only 9 mascots, so even adding Waddle and Silverman, that’s still only 11 players, and we’re three short for the 7-on-7 matchup advertised. The University of Chicago Phoenix, maybe? Chief Illiniwek has to have been ruled ineligible, though I’d pay money to see him running around playing football. The Notre Dame leprechaun really isn’t fair, because it’s just a guy in a green waistcoat and knickers. Hm. Now I’m more intrigued than ever.
Well, if anyone has any further information on this, you know where to get ahold of us.