Damn. We completely failed to throw up a weekend in review. So here it is in less than 200 words:
Successful teams include the Chicago Rush, Georgia Force, and (secretly) San Jose SaberCats, who beat Grand Rapids, the previously-unbeaten Dallas, and Los Angeles, respectively. And beat them with authority. Once again, Bobby Sippio (5 TDs) is a force of nature, as is the scrappy Chris Griesen, who’s really come into his own since getting knocked silly in the Philadelphia game a couple weeks ago. At least, that’s when I started to notice him. Meanwhile, Clint Dolezel got to 810 career touchdowns in that loss. Speaking of Philly, the Soul are in a total free-fall, losing to the aggressively mediocre Columbus Destroyers in a game that saw a first-quarter final score of 0-0. They threw some random new QB up there, so we lose out on further viewings of the “Sling It” tatoo on Juston Wood. Nashville beat Kansas City on 6 rushing touchdowns, which is just ludicrous in the AFL. Orlando handled New York in a game so few people cared about that even ESPN.com just said “Why waste the bandwidth?” and left out the box score. Colorado is still the holder of the “Fakest Decent Record in Organized Sports” title, improving to 5-3 by beating Las Vegas, who currently is fielding a team of re-animated corpses. Corpses of lepers. Forget about Utah, who got absolutely waxed by Arizona, 83-69. Finally, Austin beat New Orleans in overtime, 45-38. We had three games with NFL scores: Austin and New Orleans; Nashville 49, Kansas City 40; and Columbus 44, Philly 21. What’s wrong with these people?
I even edited that down for pithiness, thinking maybe we could use it as a 1-minute radio commercial or something. It was an interesting exercise, I’ll have you know. In other news, the Most Motor-Skills-Challenged of the Week Award goes to Clint Stoerner, who did not “Sling it” for Philadelphia. We want the weirdly-named Juston Wood back.
Oh, and the CMRP fell to 3-4, in a clunker. Sorry to those of you hopelessly in the grip of the demon Gamblor. If you’re gambling based on us, you’re really in trouble.