“Ronnie, I’ll bet you a case of Chicago’s finest Philly cheesesteak sandwiches versus a case of Philly’s finest Philly cheesesteak sandwiches that my boys kick your boys’ asses tonight…
“Dammit, now I’m hungry. Hungry for a win.
“And a couple sandwiches.”
Brief notes on things humans might find interesting. I am keeping int brief because I just discovered 30 Rock this week, and I just discovered that you could watch it on NBC.com today. So, I’m going to level with you: my schedule’s pretty much full.
The Official Yeti Roommate of It’s Still Footballwas in The Vegas over the weekend, and I received a text message Saturday evening that said “The GA Force are giving 8 points to the No Voodoo going away. The V must suck,” to which I responded “GA is really good, and NO are the streakiest bunch of streakers to ever streak. Give those points.” He won. I am a genius. Thank you, AFL, for making me look smart. Smarter. Okay, smart-ish. Also of note, he placed a $5 bet (and won $9.50) because he was a sissy. And then lost at craps, and told his special ladyfriend that she was bad luck, and that went over about as well as you’d expect. But I digress.
Secondly (and perhaps more importantly), your ISF Team will be actually attending a real life Arena League Competition this evening at Chicago’s “Allstate Arena” Rosemont Horizon Venue For Monster Truck Rallies, Secondary Professional Leagues, College Basketball, and American Idol Tour Concerts. This is something we’re very excited about and hope to document. So, if you happen to be watching or attending the game, look for us. We’ll be the ones attempting to visibly radiate ironic detachment. I’ll try to think of some more obvious descriptor later. Early prediction: Chicago 72, Philadelphia 56.
Back to 30 Rock.
Oh cruel fates, it would seem that today TC’s puppy-slaughtering duties for his Investment Banking Overlords has been outsourced to me; I am so buried in puppy hides to be billed and processed that I don’t even have the time to gaze longingly at the strip club across the street from my office.
Power Rankings and Pillow fights may be posted tonight should the evening schedule permit it, but as for right now I’ll simply state the Week 9 Can’t Miss Random Pick:
CHICAGO 72, PHILLY 56. TC and I will be in attendance at this Monday Night (Arena) Football match up where we will be able to bask in Bobby Sippio’s magnificence. Take the spread, Bon Jovi. You can sit and spin, bitch.
As has been made abundantly clear, we here at It’s Still Football had little-to-no exposure to the madness that is Arena Football before taking up the mantle of Premiere Arena Football Blog this season. The best reason we could come up with for engaging in this flight of fancy was “Hey, it’s still football…” This sentiment has been echoed (and given legitimacy?) by Ron ”Jaws” Jaworski, Our Patron Saint For Now, in the USA Today, thusly:
“Jaworski understands that while the league features gimmicks that might offend a purist, it’s still football.”
Hey! That’s our name! And, it may not be a direct quote from Jaws, but I’m going to pretend it is. Hey, Jaws! Read our blog! It’s called what you said!
Anyway, the USA Today (Motto: ”HEY, AMERICA! LOOK! GRAPHS! COLORS! SHINY! I LOVE LAMP!”) threw down an article suggesting that Arena Football could be America’s 5th Major Sport. They published this article up about two weeks ago, so, once again, we have our finger firmly on the pulse of something else … ladies … Anyhoo, the AFL slides in behind For-Reals Football, Baseball, Basketball, and Hockey. Setting aside for a moment my own personal torch-carrying for hockey, allow me to say: that sounds reasonable. Really. I make The Fun, but the AFL is competing for the Quint Spot with, what, soccer? Golf? The MLS is crazy popular in Chicago (Polish and Spanish-speakers love the Fire), as well as Los Angeles (two teams, no waiting, one of whom has David Beckham), but it’s not really taking hold with RV-Driving, 2nd-Amendment-Loving, Terrorist-Hunting Random Americans. And the PGA captures the imagination of people dozing off on the couch 4 Sundays out of the year. So, really the question ought to be “Are there 5 major sports in America?” For that matter, are there 4 major sports in America? Hockey may have been demoted to Mid-Major sports, where I contend the PGA, MLS, AFL, minor-league baseball and WNBA currently reside, and that which Major League Lacrosse, the NBDL, professional softball, and, I don’t know, Pro Bowling or Full-Contact Jai Alai aspire to join.
We’re going to figure out how popular the AFL actually is in Chicago on Monday, as we venture to Allstate Arena (which I’m going to call the Rosemont Horizon, just like I force references to Comiskey Park, the Oriental Theatre, and Weeghman Park.) to see the Rush take on the Asspirates Buttpirates Soul. Hopefully, we’ll come away with a souvenir, and maybe take a picture with Jaws. Who, it occurs to me now, will have been in New York for the NFL Draft, so if he shows up to his team’s away game, I’ll be decently surprised.
This post kind of got away from me, so if you got this far through my stream-of-consciousness rambling, congratulations. Buy yourself a cookie or something. Treat yourself.
Full disclosure, vis a vis “Premiere Arena Football Blog” status: we’re also the sole Arena Football Blog, as far as I can tell. AOL Fan-Heezy (can I say “heezy”?) has two posts tagged under “Arena Football.” Disquietingly, we’re not really showing up when you google Arena Football Blog. So… if you’ll pardon me for a second:
Arena Football Blog Arena Football Blog google Arena Football Blog Arena Football Blog Google Arena Football Blog Arena Football Blog GOOGLE Arena Football Blog Arena Football Blog Arena Football Blog.
There.
What would happen if the AFL both had a draft, and held it before the NFL’s? Clint Dolezel would be living in Ryan Leaf’s shadow.
Draft order was determined by overall record as of last week, ties were broken by total points scored and allowed over the season. This is a terrible idea. Let’s just go: Read the rest of this entry »
What would happen if the AFL had an actual draft that preceded and superseded the NFL’s yearly hooplah?Rest assured, it would be:
The Worst. Idea. Ever.
Which is why it is coming to It’s Still Football.
Very soon.
Every now and again we’ll take a look at our dashboard for It’s Still Football and have a hearty laugh over the Googles totally psyching the shit out of you. Today, the Google search of “can you block extra point in Madden 2007″ prompted the Fiz to tackle some of your non-AFL related queries.And to whoever wanted to know if you can block an extra point in Madden ‘07, you can, it’s just more difficult than converting a field goal in the AFL.
Damn. We completely failed to throw up a weekend in review. So here it is in less than 200 words:
Successful teams include the Chicago Rush, Georgia Force, and (secretly) San Jose SaberCats, who beat Grand Rapids, the previously-unbeaten Dallas, and Los Angeles, respectively. And beat them with authority. Once again, Bobby Sippio (5 TDs) is a force of nature, as is the scrappy Chris Griesen, who’s really come into his own since getting knocked silly in the Philadelphia game a couple weeks ago. At least, that’s when I started to notice him. Meanwhile, Clint Dolezel got to 810 career touchdowns in that loss. Speaking of Philly, the Soul are in a total free-fall, losing to the aggressively mediocre Columbus Destroyers in a game that saw a first-quarter final score of 0-0. They threw some random new QB up there, so we lose out on further viewings of the “Sling It” tatoo on Juston Wood. Nashville beat Kansas City on 6 rushing touchdowns, which is just ludicrous in the AFL. Orlando handled New York in a game so few people cared about that even ESPN.com just said “Why waste the bandwidth?” and left out the box score. Colorado is still the holder of the “Fakest Decent Record in Organized Sports” title, improving to 5-3 by beating Las Vegas, who currently is fielding a team of re-animated corpses. Corpses of lepers. Forget about Utah, who got absolutely waxed by Arizona, 83-69. Finally, Austin beat New Orleans in overtime, 45-38. We had three games with NFL scores: Austin and New Orleans; Nashville 49, Kansas City 40; and Columbus 44, Philly 21. What’s wrong with these people?
I even edited that down for pithiness, thinking maybe we could use it as a 1-minute radio commercial or something. It was an interesting exercise, I’ll have you know. In other news, the Most Motor-Skills-Challenged of the Week Award goes to Clint Stoerner, who did not “Sling it” for Philadelphia. We want the weirdly-named Juston Wood back.
Oh, and the CMRP fell to 3-4, in a clunker. Sorry to those of you hopelessly in the grip of the demon Gamblor. If you’re gambling based on us, you’re really in trouble.
Look at the signs:
The Good Lord has given us all the clues we need. The Sports Apocalypse is here. I hope you’re ready for the Cubs to win the World Series and the Browns to win the Super Bowl, which will immediately result in the End of Space and Time.
We hope to hell that Jesus actually is our homeboy, and that Satan isn’t having an affair with Saddam Hussein; otherwise we’re completely boned.
Unfortunately, I won’t be able to watch all of tonight’s match, already underway, of Philly at Columbus, and I suspect TC has been sent north to rural Wisconsin to find some fresh springtime mammals to slaughter upon the altar of Investment Banking Overlord Snacking. So instead, I’ll offer some wagers, which of course you won’t be able to place because the game is already 5 minutes in (no score).
1:1 Either Philly or Columbus wins
2:1 ESPN shows the clip of Graziani getting creamed a minimum of five times [UPDATE: They just showed it three times]
4:1 Either Jaws or Bon Jovi makes an obscene gesture after a questionable call
2:1 Someone reminds the viewers ‘there is no punting in arena football’ [UPDATE: Just happened]
5,000:1 One of the teams actually plays a little defense [UPDATE: Almost 10 minutes in and it is tied at 0]
10,000,000,000:1 Arena Football beats 24 in the ratings
10^100:1 After I turn off the television, someone on the planet will still be tuned in to ESPN2
