You’ve arrived when the league has POWER RANKINGS!

ESPN is really committed to making sure their viewers are readily informed when they put down next month’s mortgage on an AFL parlay (I didn’t think AFL betting existed, but holy shit, I was wrong!). Because we are lazy, and we don’t know nearly enough about any of these teams to write anything remotely more in-depth, we’ll just repost their rankings verbatim. And yes, you’re reading that right: the Philadelphia Soul are ranked third, despite the fact they have yet to play a game.

J Fizzle’s CAN’T MISS RANDOM PICK OF THE WEEK: Grand Rapids Rampage over the Las Vegas Gladiators, 65-57. RATIONALE: Sure, they’re the ‘Gladiators’, but they’re from Las Vegas, which means they moonlight at Caesar’s Palace, therefore they must be sissies. And seriously, they’re playing the Rampage - they’re freaking rhinos. End of discussion.