We’re Journalists! (Not Really)

Once again, we’re wading into the wilds of SportsNation to deliver the hard-hitting investigative reporting you’d expect from two guys who don’t really know all that much about the Arena League, but know quite a lot about smart-assery. LA Avengers QB Sonny Cumbie (3:30 EDT) and Chicago Rush QB Matt D’Orazio (4:00 EDT) were the recipients of our vigorous journalizing.

Questions that were not addressed included, to Mr. Cumbie: “I’m hoping you can settle a bet: what exactly is the Avengers logo? My friend says it’s a Spartan-thing, but I think it’s a pterodactyl,” and to Mr. D’Orazio: “Have you tried any of Ditka’s wine?” However, I would say we were pretty successful, overall, and I hope it’s as informative to you as it was to us.

Better Know a Team: Defunct Edition, Part IV: A New Hope

The most useful information we could provide for the now in-progress season would be a little synopsis of the teams that play in the Arena Football League. So, clearly, I’m going to do something different. I’m going to choose teams that are no longer in the league, and mock them incessantly.

You might want to have this handy-dandy chronological chart open in another window, because it’s my cheat sheet, and it’s awesome. Now,  Part IV.

 Oh, and don’t forget: The logos are graded on the Freaky Scale, where 1/10 is snazzy and classy, and you’d wear it to the Oscars and 10/10 is nausea-inducing and you wouldn’t wear it to the Cable ACE awards.

Week 5 Power Rankings; Can’t Miss Random Pick

With all of yesterday’s Deadspin-related excitment, we failed to write what’s turning into our most regular feature: re-post ESPN’s AFL Power Rankings, and then (since last week) be total wise-asses in bold-face. After the rankings, we’ll see if we can improve to 3-1 (after a week-1 bye) on the CMRP.

This is What Happens When You Get a Link on Deadspin

What happens is that your small little Mom and Pop blog, [TC note: Who's the mom? Do I have to be the mom?] which since its beginning was generally getting ten to twenty hits a day, gets almost 1,500 hits in four hours.

Thank you, Deadspin, for this little moment in the sun.

Now get ready for us to be totally awkward. We’re going to call you like twenty times a day, and when you don’t call us back, we’ll ask if we did something wrong. Two months down the road, you’ll totally be chilling with Ladies… and With Leather at the club, and we’ll stumble over to you, maybe throw a drink in your face, and tell everyone willing to listen that we’re too good for you, and then we’ll probably vomit on our shoes and fall asleep at the all-night Burger King down the street.

Fair warning. And now, back to business as usual. Which for TC, means finding adorable Disney-feature-worthy animals to slaughter for his Investment Banking (note: not really investment banking) Overlords, and for J Fizzle, doing whatever it is he does at his office while staring wistfully at the strip club across the street.

Infiltrating SportsNation, sass not accepted

Once again, your favorite editor with a “J” in his handle successfully infiltrated ESPN’s SportsNation with Scouts Inc. Official Grampa Gary Horton.

Question he didn’t answer today: “Hey Gary, didn’t your mom teach you to smile in pictures?”

Question he did field:

Zapruder-ing the fan interference at Orlando v Dallas

Judging from the wide variety of Google searches that lead readers to It’s Still Football yesterday, which at 79 total views was our biggest day since opening shop, a few people surfing on The Internets would like to know about the ‘fan intereference’ penalty that happened on Monday night as Orlando hosted Dallas. Previously we provided a brief explanation about the incident as was described in the game’s live-blog, linked to the game recap and video on ESPN, and updated an earlier post with general AFL queries. It’s not enough. You all want more. All approximately 37 of you want more. So here we go. Please note all time measurements are completely fabricated, as I screen-grabbed these from the ESPN video, because I live as a 17th-century serf and I don’t have Tivo.

Second Consecutive Can’t Miss Random Pick Victory Party!

It’s Still Football is now an unstoppable juggernaut of predictions. This week’s CMRP (pronounced come-urp, until I can think of some other more unpleasant way to say it) was Arizona 58, Las Vegas 42. The actual score: Arizona 68, Las Vegas 41. Eat it, randomness.

With that off our chest, the week in review, where the only true facts are the scores.

A Steve Bartman wannabe

Missed the sweet “fan interference” AFL action on ESPN2 last night? Curious what the ‘peach-shirted douche’ did during the game? Catch the video highlight right here.

As it turns out, he had no effect on the game, as Dallas managed to eek out a 70-49 victory without the TD and subsequent missed field goal going into half time. We here at It’s Still Football admire the balls it took for Peach Shirt to stay on the field and showboat after the play. Well, not admire the balls so much as the Schnapps he probably loaded up on prior to kickoff.

Fellow alcoholic Other Gruden probably would have bought Peach Shirt a drink after the game had the Predators actually won, but winning on Monday Night Football does not seem to be one of Orlando’s early-season strengths.

UPDATE: Check out our in-depth analysis of the footage here.

Live-blogging Dallas at Orlando

8:26 – And that’s it. Game over, Dallas 70, Orlando 49. Good times. Time to take a nap. You want to read the rest? Guess you better jump and start from the bottom.

Coming soon (hopefully)

We’re going to try for a first here tonight at It’s Still Football and provide an actual live-blogging live-blogof tonight’s much anticipated match-up between the undefeated Dallas Desperados and the Other-Gruden-led Orlando Predators. Catch all the action on ESPN2 starting at 7/6 central, catch all the updates on the status of J Fizzle’s salsa supply here.

This is all assuming, of course, J Fizzle makes it home in time for the game. TC will have to sit this one out as he must spend the evening scouring the country for strangle-worthy songbirds for the Overlords, so instead of witty and insightful quips from TC, you’ll have to settle for fart jokes from J Fizzle. If he makes it back to his place. And if his cable is still operational.

This has ‘disastor’ written all over it.

This could be the focus of tonight’s blog.